I’ve been with the same girl for 4 years, I’m a full lesbian and I’m very sure of this, I love women, however the girl that I’m madly in love with repeatedly tells me we are not going to be together long, this relationship is not one she wants to continue forever but I make her So Fucking Happy.

A little background on us we have been together since our freshman year in college, we are still in school together as Super Seniors Lol, we were together for 2 years before she begin to become curious for the opposite sex, and before our first break up, after breaking up several times and getting back together we realized we loved each other too much to let it end that easily. So we finally decided to call it quits after 3 years, however it is our 4th year knowing each other and we still find ourselves obsessed over the thought of being so happy with each other and loving each other’s company 24/7, but truth be told she doesn’t want to be with me forever, not only that she is 100% sure that she knows it’s a man she wants to be with for the rest of her life.
Here s a little background on her, she is 21 she has never been with a male as far as full sexual intercourse, we recently took a break last summer away from each other leaving us time to think about what we wanted for ourselves. So during this time she experiment with 2 guys for the first time, however never went all the way sexually, well at least to my belief of what she has told me. So she likes guys physically, however guys don’t stimulate her mentally and emotionally again to my knowledge.

Now after our break that we still call ourselves on I find her wanting a relationship more than I do, she loves to tell me she loves me more and more and we have slept together every night unless one of us is out of town we continue to do “EVERYTHING” couples do, however without the titles, I’m guessing my questions or point of interests with OR about her are have anybody ever heard of or experience anything like this before, and does anybody think she will come to terms with her loving me and eventually want to be with me fully and completely? Because the acceptance of heterosexuality is the norm will she ever feel satisfied with being a lesbian even if she does continue a relationship with me? I’m wondering may her confusion be coming from the fact that she doesn’t want to be disowned by her family and/or that heterosexuality is The Only Correct Way, though this hetero mess doesn’t make her completely happy however neither does homo because she can’t be open? Or can she be confused with penetration and being with guys and baby making, that makes her think she can’t get that with a woman, that scares her?

I know I should just talk to her however she continues to say the same thing that there’s no way she can see herself being with me in the long run, however I make her 100% happy and she doesn’t know what it is that keeps her for wanting to be with me, she also says that maybe she needs more experience with guys to know what she wants, I also want to know is being with a guy in bed much more exciting that happiness should be pushed away and should I just close the chapter on this for once and all. Please any advice is welcome, I’m not looking for another heart break should I just remove her because she is so unpredictable. Please HELP….

Hello friends, I’m in college & for the past 9 months have been considering the fact that I may be lesbian, or at least attracted to women. I’m taking a class called sociology of sexuality right now & I understand that sexuality is a spectrum; also labels can be very limiting & can box us in. Nevertheless, it’s also my understanding that when you’re searching for an ‘identity’, a label can be a very positive & self-affirming thing.

I graduated from high school fairly recently after attending the same school for 6 years where we were separated by sex. This school did not allow dating (though a few people got away with it). Throughout my high school years I was very tormented by what I interpreted as feelings for various guy friends I had. I think I assumed I was supposed to be attracted to them. I may actually have been; but when the subject of dating came up, I was very hesitant/reluctant & said “Oh no, I can’t; I’m not of age; we’re not allowed to; I don’t want people talking about me.” I never remember having any sort of fantasies about them but I would cry, etc. typical teenage angst (sorry teens). At one point I was quite frustrated by the fact I didn’t feel I was attracting guys & one of my guy friends told me honestly, “You don’t dress like a girl.” Dramatically anguished, I consulted my parents; my father said “Your mother is one of the most feminine women I know! Ask her!” By the way, this is emphatically not true about my mother. In any case, I begged my mom to please buy me some ‘girly’ clothes. At the time I was most comfortable in sweatpants, baggy clothes, etc. I found repulsive midriff-showing clothes, bikinis, & other form-fitting clothing. I always felt oddly envious of the girls who wore such clothes but never felt like I could w/o betraying myself. I was often bashful about my appearance, especially w/ my family. I really hate performing the female gender in a stereotypical manner. Also, side note: the student body at my school was extremely homophobic b/c most of them belonged to a conservative religious group (though they were generally nice people).

I was very unhappy when I tried wearing the clothes my mom bought me (out of trying to help/seeing my frustration). Toward the end of high school & in recent years I’ve gotten mad at myself for not dating in high school: “Why didn’t I take the chances? Maybe I was attracted to him!” Most of my close friends from high school are guys. I do have strong relationships w/ women too. But I feel as though there’s something else going on & that I’m just making excuses: “My school didn’t let me date; therefore, I didn’t date. Not that I wasn’t interested of course…” very obedient (oldest child too though). Sometimes I think if I’d really wanted to date I’d have tried harder.

In the past few months I’ve been noticing women fairly often, & have had some sexual images flash in my head. I shock myself!! I grew up w/ no knowledge of anything about sex until last year (I am in COLLEGE & I still have a LOT to learn), & have always assumed myself to be heterosexual (no images of GLBTQ persons except my dad’s lesbian cousin). I don’t think being gay is wrong so that’s not the problem. I think American society (& perhaps other societies globally) has historically denied women’s sexuality & thus lesbianism wasn’t named till a century or 2 ago. Anyways, these images in my head confused me & freaked me out. I went to counseling & my counselor was very supportive (he’s a gay man).

Occasionally I feel attracted to men physically (outer appearance) but find the thought of sex w/ men repulsive, uncomfortable, & unappealing.  I don’t enjoy grinding w/ men or even the physical suggestion of male genitalia.  It grosses me out.  I feel more comfortable w/ women’s bodies since I’m a woman & it seems less invasive or unfamiliar.  I also don’t like the power dynamic which I see as inherent to a romantic relationship w/ a man.  This confuses me since I’m unsure how to decode my attractions.

There’s a classmate/friend of mine that just broke up w/ her longtime boyfriend & is now questioning her sexuality. But really, having never dated anyone, let alone women, I am very unsure of how to ’start’.  In conclusion, I’ve talked & talked w/ many queer women on my campus & w/ my dad’s lesbian cousin.  I’ve read about lesbianism in my sociology of sexuality class; I have checked out a huge stack of books from the library:  they’re all about lesbianism (‘the lesbian question’, ‘this is what lesbian looks like’, etc).  I think I’m somehow hoping to find ‘answers’ in all these books & conversations.  If I want to really know how attracted to women I am, I realize I need to experience it. But I don’t feel very confident, even though my college campus is one of the most queer-friendly campuses in the US.

Do you all have any good suggestions of how to ’start’ effectively? I don’t want to push away my friend if she’s not interested, but I really, really like her & am attracted to her. Plus, I want to gain greater clarity in discovering & creating myself, of course.

Thank you very much lovelies!

What’s on my mind? I don’t know? Everything’s confusing. How can I tell if my girlfriend is lying to me about everything in particular? Lately, she has been mean to me: she yells at me, puts me down, angers easy towards me, She’s always asking me questions of what I am doing, the weird thing today is I checked her email addy to see what she has been scrolling on the net, which I did feel bad about doing but it’s not that I can’t and I sneaked, her password is up on the AOL to where it was easy to sign in. Plus she doesn’t know anything about computers and to know to clear the history. Well guess what I saw, she is browsing girl pages on MySpace. She is looking up my accounts that she doesn’t have the passwords for, so trying too. I told her that one of our close friends might like her, and she yelled at me saying I better never ask her that again, and I am wrong. She treats the cats nicer than me lately.

She won’t get a job; I take care of her and the house. She does things around the house but not helpful for me, only to benefit her needs. She’s nicer to all our friends we hang out with and goes out of her way to do things for them. She believes them over me a lot more. She never believes what I say is true. I can’t do this or that when I try to do things in my life. I can’t say anything in her eyes that seems negative against her friends, even if I am trying to warn her. Only to learn herself later I was right, but by that time which is now, I don’t care feeling over rides me.

She told me during an argument last week that she hated me, yelling it five times in my face that it made me cry, she did apologize later, but it was too late in my eyes. I feel she does things behind my back and lies to me a lot, trying to convince me that she isn’t and it’s the truth, but my gut feeling says she is still lying. She tries to control or manipulate me in one way or another, and when she can’t and I don’t allow it, we are arguing badly. What do I do? Does she really hate me? Do I throw five years of marriage away and secretly leave?

I wrote a post earlier and some of that still remains the same, but I’m more accepting of myself. It’s just that I’m still in high school in a very non-gay community, although there are 2 girls that like me who said “they’re gay for me but no one else” and I haven’t even told them that I like girls yet! So bizarre, but I have hooked up with girls while I’m drunk- but I honestly don’t remember it. So they must tell me that because they ‘heard stories.’

But regardless- I’m one of the girls in my school “everybody knows” since I have 8 other siblings who also went to my school. If I ever let out I’m a lesbian I feel like so many rumors would be started about me. Heck, they already are and I don’t even know how they begin. So I am honestly thinking about just subsiding my identity until I graduate high school.

I’m usually very tenacious, but since September-ish I have been faint-hearted. I went to a doctor yesterday and they told me I am in fact depressed so they gave me medicine to possibly help, but they also set me up with a psychiatrist. The point of telling you all this is should I tell the psychiatrist that I’m absolutely positive I don’t like the opposite sex? I have honestly never liked boys, like ever. I would love to just talk to someone about all this because I never really have. I just don’t want the psychiatrist to say anything to my parents because when I was in middle school I had one and she told my mom everything I ever said, but then again I was a lot younger. I don’t know! So, yeah. Tell me what you think. Thank you.

This is not just about my current relationship. But every time I date someone, I reach a point when I get sick (literally) of being physically intimate with them. No matter how attracted I was to them, or how intense lovemaking was, I end up breaking up with them because I’d been beyond turned off.

The last time my girlfriend came over, I felt I was forcing myself to kiss her, just so that I don’t hurt her, but she wouldn’t stop and I was starting to feel sick, so I told her I’m tired. Now things are getting worse. Everything about her repels me – her skin, her lips, her breath, her smell – It’s unbearable. (FYI- She’s actually good looking and extremely hygienic.) She already feels I’m being distant and inexpressive, and I love her too much to tell her how I feel, knowing she may think I’m selfish and would rather be with someone else.

I don’t get why this has to happen – whether it’s with males or females, monogamous or polygamous, top or bottom, hot or not, etc. It’s never a phase; I wait long enough to know.

Do you experience it too? How do I deal with both, the feeling and the other person?

Thanks.

Well I’ll start the story from the beggining. I’m 23, and up until now I have only dated guys. I’ve always found some other girls attractive and beautiful, but I’ve never felt the same full on attraction to one girl as I have before with guys I’ve been interested in… Until now of course!

A new girl started at my work about four months ago and we have become fairly good friends. The problem is I have fallen head over heels for her! It is very intense; I get totally hot and bothered sometimes when she is around because I find her so darn hot. I find myself daydreaming and fantasizing about her all of the time. I am also very confused about where she stands with me?

She is always kidding around with me, just being silly and stuff. I can’t really explain without sounding dumb… she will be very very touchy feely with me at times and it just drives me mad. I can’t figure out if she is flirting or if she is just that sort of a person.

She has also invited me out to a couple of lesbian bars and events over the Mardi Gras season. We had so much fun but both times she has kissed other girls and she always introduces me as “this is ……. , she’s straight” apparently, “so that all the girls wouldn’t hit on me”.

I crashed at her place one night and watching her sleep beside me was almost unbearable! I’m way confused. It’s just all the little things, like I said I was going to see a movie and her response was “and you’re going to take me right?”

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if she is interested and just unsure of where I stand with dating girls or if she really just enjoys having me around as a friend.  I’ve never experienced flirting with another woman and feel like a total novice with it all. Advice would be great… sorry about all the rambling! I’m a bit hot and bothered just writing all of this haha.

Okay so I’ve known I was gay since I was 16. I told my mum a few months after I realised and she thought I was joking and didn’t believe me. I tried to come out again but the same thing happened. Since then I haven’t brought it up. But she always told me she would love me no matter what, even if I were gay or not. Last year for my birthday she brought me The L Word Box Set as a present, still whilst believing I wasn’t gay. I asked my nan what she thought about being gay, and she basically quoted the whole of the Bible to me and told me how bad it is, and how much of a sin it is. My nan’s pretty religious so coming out to her was a big no no… So I decided not to tell anyone, until I was 100% sure I was ready too.

Until today, when I had a real weird conversation with my mum. We were watching American Idol and she was asking me who Ellen was and I was telling her. A few hours later she was talking about girls she thought I might be into. I asked her if she thought I was gay, and she said she didn’t know. But thought I talked about girls more than boys, and wondered why I haven’t brought home a guy. Then she told me that she thought if I were gay that I wouldn’t tell her. Then she gave me 100 reasons why she thought I might be gay, and was joking around about me not giving her grandchildren. After a while she was like why are you interested in all this gay stuff?? And I asked her what she meant so she lectured me about the amount of gay relating things I know or have mentioned. In the end she told me that she’ll believe I’m gay when I bring a girlfriend home to meet her…

After the conversation I noticed she’s been a bit off with me. I know for sure I haven’t done anything wrong. Now I’m wondering if maybe she’s realised I’m gay and that’s why she’s been acting really distant? It’s been doing my head in, and I can’t work it out. I’ve been able to talk to my mum about a ton of things, but when it comes down to my sexuality I just don’t know how to talk about it.

So what do you guys think? Should I bite the bullet and talk to her about it, or just leave it as it is?

I am a 27 year old female who is beginning to seriously question (or is at the very least curious about) my sexuality. To be truthful, it has never been a topic I have seriously pondered in the past. However, there are some thoughts and that I can no longer seem to push away. But before I begin, however, let me give you more background on myself so you might be best equipped to help me with my “issues”. I apologize up front if my “letter” becomes too long.

To start, I have never had a boyfriend and have also never been on a date. I simply have had no interest. All through my growing-up years (and even into today), I have always made it perfectly clear to family and friends that I have no desire to ever marry. Indeed, I cannot imagine myself ever being with a man in a romantic or sexual relationship period. While a man may appear “attractive” (being where the person possesses admirable qualities – physical/mental/character), I myself do not feel a particular “attraction” to the person in a sexual/romantic way (if that in anyway makes sense).

Until a few years ago, I classified myself as heterosexual (despite the fact that I neither have nor wanted to date, a boyfriend, etc.). Yet, it was the only description that I had ever even considered. Then, I began classifying myself as asexual (for convenience and because I truly don’t feel I can classify myself as necessarily heterosexual). It was around this time that I was discussing sexuality with a close cousin of mine. This individual happened to ask me at the time whether I had ever experienced romantic/sexual feelings toward persons of the same sex. I responded no, yet even then I began to question my response.

A few years have passed since then and I have at times thought about that question. I know that there have been times where I have felt a strong attraction or feelings towards a few female friends (and admittedly had the desire to kiss) yet have resisted the urges. I have always pushed those feelings out of my mind telling myself I shouldn’t think of that. I find certain females attractive and to whom I have an attraction. There is also this desire to be with someone. I have been thinking more and more of what it would be like with another female.

Yet, in all this, I am questioning the legitimacy of my feelings. I am wondering if they are truly emotions I have or whether I just want to feel this way? Also, I am questioning whether or not I have really had attractions towards these friends over the years. Finally, perhaps I am just convincing myself that I will have no interest in men and maybe I should force myself out of my comfort zone and perhaps I’ll find that I’m actually intersted. It has taken me many days since discovering your website to get up the nerve to write this letter because part of me feels like a fool. Yet, there is also some relief in writing this letter and getting these emotions (real or all in-the-head) out into the open. I am not asking for anyone to tell me what my sexuality is (or is not) and I hesitate to even classify myself at all anymore. I am just hoping that perhaps somewhere out there someone can empathize with my feelings and sense of confusion and that my thoughts were not too garbled. Thank-you to those who are willing to read and respond to this posting.

Side note: This is a topic I am addressing on this forum because it is not one I can discuss with 95% + of my family and close friends – without risking severing ties with most/all.

Hi there, my name is Emmy, I’m in the 9th grade. I recently “came out” to both my parents, and all of my closest friends, anyone else obtaining the information is beyond my control. What I have realized, is that there are way too many fakes in my school. No one seems legit. There are many many “bisexual” women in my school, but they have the definition mixed up. They think it means you can date both genders at the same time, so it’s like you’re cheating but you really aren’t because you are “bi.” I don’t think this is right. I know I have a lot of life to live before I can go saying I’m going to end up as a spinster with 55 cats roaming around a large house, however, me being an over-reactive teenager, I tend to lean on the negative side of every situation thrown at me. So my thoughts right now:

-I will never be able to find love at this rate, all the girls here just like to toy with everyone they meet.
-I sometimes feel like I am the only one being truthful and that a good majority of the bisexuals I know are just curious.

BTW: I am no bisexual, I am lesbian, I use the term bisexual a lot more than I do the term lesbian, because all of the people I know who are like this, are bi, not les.

I don’t know. I recently told one of my friends that I really liked her, but she doesn’t feel the same way, and I understand, you can’t control who you like and that’s fine, it’s whatever. But it seems ever since I have been able to be free with who I am, the less likely I will find someone. When I wasn’t “out” I had various girls liking me, but they never told me until AFTER the fact that they got over me.

I’m feeling kind of hopeless and really rather pathetic, I just want to find someone…Someone who is true, someone who is loyal. For God’s sake I just want a decent relationship!

Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I have no idea if I am doing this right. But I am going to continue as if I were.

I may be cutting to the chase a little too quickly, but I really am late for work and writing this anyway.  My problem is simple, I am in love. Completely, heartbreakingly in love.  With a girl I have very mixed signals from. I have only recently completely accepted my preference for the female form and I have as yet only shared this with a select few people. She is not one of them.  To a degree though, she knows, as we have discussed at length which celebrity girls and even women we know are hot.

Well the story starts almost 2 years ago now, when she started working with me. We were instant friends and she was quickly accepted into not only our work group of friends but into my own close knit group of friends. We were very close for some time and then she started going out with her current boyfriend, also a person from our workplace. It went on for some time before she told me, but that was ok. It was early days then, and as far as I can remember it was just a little crush at that point. So we drifted apart a little, still work friends but not really much more for a few months and then she was back and we were close friends again. Well we will fast forward to the summer, because all interesting things happen in the summer. I had a few parties and she always came to them, and we would always get drunk and make out. And we spent the entire time with just each other, always. Talking in the corner, dancing, taking off somewhere to make out, it was a habit. A habit we haven’t broken yet actually.

So this continued, and we make it to Christmas time of this year, and we get into the conversation about how we should try having sex with women (it has always been a conversation point between us, which women we would like to have sex with).  And we decide we’re going to go and try it out, both of us chickened out of course, either that or the possibility didn’t present itself. So we go out again for a night on the town, the whole big group of us, and once again we can’t be parted, but this time instead of running off and making out, we danced, and the whole time we just stared into each others eyes (I know, lame, tacky, cliché, but its true) forehead to forehead looking at one another. It was truly more intense than making out.

Well the next time we went out, before we were even drunk she said “I want to be with you” and dragged me out of the room. We didn’t get very far though because we were very rudely interrupted and the party was shut down.  The thing is, I am not certain that she shares my feelings or if she just likes the feeling of being liked by me.  Her circumstances are different than mine, when I met her she said she was “”uncomfortable” around lesbians, but that changed very quickly to she is “intrigued” by lesbians, to lesbians are “hot”, to she’d like to try it. I have no idea if she really was initially uncomfortable or if that was just something she said. Everything in me just wants to be near her, it isn’t just basic attraction, I just always want to be with her, to talk to her, to see her, and I go to great lengths to do so.

There is obviously more to it than this, but these are just some of the things I think are important. The boyfriend is cause for some emotional upset, I don’t know if she’s just using me for when he is not up to par or if she’s not sure where to turn. The uncertainty seems more apt, because going out with me causes fights in her relationship, not fights in her relationship cause her to go out with me. But on it really depends on the day which I believe.

So any thoughts, do you think it’s possible she may like me back. Do you think she is just curious and I seem willing?  Or is she aware of my feelings and just enjoying the attention. I think it may be mutual, to a degree, but like I said her circumstances are different and I don’t know if she would even allow herself to entertain the idea of anything but sex with another woman. Is it worth my heartache? Should I persist or should I just back off and leave her alone? I am kind of at a loss here, no idea which direction I should take. Does out and out saying anything ever end well? Is it better to just wait it out? Or should I just lay it all down and ask for truth, not any action, just truth? OK sorry for the ultra long post, but any suggestions or input would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Ok, we met about 6 ½ years ago in basic training.  At that time I was trying to figure things out about myself.  I was the shy one, didn’t really talk to anybody.  I have issues with rejection on all types of different levels.  So, I didn’t open up to anybody.  When we left for X’mas break, everybody from my platoon exchanged email addresses and phone numbers.  I think during those two weeks, we IMed each other, but it was just to say hi and wish each other a merry Christmas.  When we got back to basic, things were the same, I kept to myself.  At the end of basic we went our different ways and finished up our other training.  One day after getting home from all of my training, I got an IM from her.  I really forgot that I had given her my email address.  But that’s how our friendship started.

We went months with talking to each other every day.  At that time, she had a boyfriend and the relationship last for a couple of years.  And during that time, I kept my feelings for her to myself.  Sometime during that first year of being apart, I told her about my sexuality.  She was cool with, and didn’t mind me talking about things.  She would ask questions, and I would answer.  I was really happy that she was so cool about it, with my fear of rejection and all.

Then last year, things changed.  She broke up with the guy she was dating.  And she told me about a situation that she found herself in a couple of months before.  She told me that she cheated on her boyfriend with a female.  She told me that they would make out, but it never went any further, but she did say that she wanted it to. I couldn’t believe it, I mean, she had told me that she couldn’t ever see herself being physically close to another female.  So, I thought that then was the time to tell her how I felt.

I told her that I had a crush on her, and had one since basic training, but I push away my feelings because I respected her and her relationship.  And then she said, “I had a crush on you during basic.  I thought that you were cute.”  She also told me that she remembers the first time we talked to each other and what I had said.  I didn’t even remember that.  I mean, 5 ½ years later and she still remembers that.  Our text and IMs to each other changed after that.  We started to flirt with each other more.  And things became more sexual.  During these past years, we always talked about visiting each other, but life (careers) got in the way.  Knowing that she would soon be deploying overseas and with all of these feelings coming out in the open, I had made real plans to fly a 1,000 miles to see her.  I was being woken up at 2 in the morning with texts from her.  Telling me that she was thinking about me while “taking care of herself”.  And how hard it would be for her not to kiss me in the airport when she comes to pick me up.  And that she wanted to be together, physically.

Me, being me, told her that I didn’t want her to do anything that she didn’t want to, but she said that she wanted to go there with me.  I of course just said, “let’s just see how things go.”  But deep down, I wanted to go there.  It was what I’ve wanted to hear.  I was starting to fall in love with her.  We had the friendship and a connection, and then we were talking about being intimate.  Everything was coming together.  Even the 1,000 miles between each other wasn’t going to be a problem.  Even through the deployment, it was all going to be ok.

Well, that’s what I thought.  Just a couple of days, not even a week, after us having this conversation.  And her sharing her feeling with me, we were texting each other and she told me that she was talking to a guy.  And that she liked him a lot.  I was heartbroken.  I didn’t understand how she could say those things to me and then tell me that she likes some guy.  I was mad. I didn’t want to talk to her at all.  She said that what she had told me was all true and that’s how she really felt about me.  I just don’t understand it all.  Well, I didn’t make that trip to see her.  I think it would have been too hard on me.

It’s been a year since then, she dated that guy for a couple of months but she ended up breaking up with him before she deployed.  Now that she is gone, we don’t get to talk very much.  The emails are short.  And I don’t know where we stand. And she says that she is talking to somebody new. Yeah, it’s nice to know how she feels, even though I feel like it was a lie, but really I wish we wouldn’t have gone there.  I was fine with just being friends and she says that everything is fine now, that we’re friends, and back to the way we were before.  But I don’t feel that way.  It breaks my heart every time she talks about a guy now, where before, I was fine with it.

I don’t know what to do.  I know that I can’t cut if off completely.  I need her in my life.  I don’t have anybody like her in my life that I know I could just talk about whatever with and she won’t judge me.  I’m 24 years old and I have never been in a relationship.  And I can’t really say that I have any true friends in my life besides her.  My whole fear of rejection has affected me and I can’t seem to open up to anybody else.  And it’s an issue that I am dealing with and getting help with.  But I just don’t know if I should just cut her off and just move on or lay it all out on the table and put the ball into her court or just forget that last year never happened and push my feelings to the side and try my hardest to get things back to where they were before last year and never mention anything that was said last year.  I don’t think that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her.  I check my email like a hundred times a day hoping for an email from her.

Sorry that this is so long and would like to say thanks to all that do read it.  I know that it sounds a lot like some other post on here; really I just needed to get it all out.  And I hope that somebody would be so kind and maybe give me a little light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess I’ll start be saying that I’m a twenty year old college student who is currently experiencing something of a sexuality crisis…

I’ve never really been interested in boys. I remember telling a friend this when I was thirteen and she was completely horrified and started telling people. No-one assumed I was gay, just that I was immature. That’s what I thought too. I had my first kiss at 15 (with a boy), which happened more out of social obligation and curiosity rather than sexual attraction and it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life! After it happened, I ran to the bathrooms because I felt sick and I cried, like something wrong had happened. I just thought that it was a bad kiss and that I needed more practise to get used to it. Every boy that I’ve had some sort of relationship with since has always been based more on friendship or on a sense of “this is what is meant to happen” than attraction. I always thought attraction would come later. I don’t think it ever did and every time I got a little further with a guy, I cried after it. I don’t know why because most of them were really nice, kind and gentle. I’ve never slept with a man. I don’t even like it when they rub up against me in nightclubs (but that could be because they’re usually drunk).

I went to an all-girl secondary school and I didn’t have any real crushes on any of the girls in it (at least not proper crushes, where I thought about them all the time). Now I’m in college, I’m away from my family and my old friends and things are different. I find myself checking out girls and fantasizing about them. I look at pictures of girls in magazines and papers. I even think I’m developing feelings for one of my friends (who is 100% straight). I have no interest in guys and I often panic or get annoyed when they hit on me.

Am I actually a lesbian? Surely I would have figured it out by now if I was. I’m worried that maybe it’s just a phase I’m going through or that I’ve just convinced myself I’m gay when I mightn’t be because of a number of bad experiences. Maybe I just haven’t met the right guy? I would really appreciate some feedback.

Hello everyone, this is my first post here. I shall remain anonymous to protect myself, as well as the people I mention. First I shall tell you more about me. I’m Asian and 15 this year. I’m in an all girls school, and since I joined I have started feeling differently about girls. However, it only became more serious this year, and I am now very confused about my sexuality. I currently think of myself as bisexual, but I am not sure actually.

I do like guys, but I’m not sure how much, and whether I like girls more. When I see cute/hot guys, I feel like getting them to notice me but I don’t dare to flirt, because of my inexperience. I also have a sort-of boyfriend whom I just got close to recently, although I’ve known him since I was 9. He is very nice and caring towards me, and I feel very happy with him. I know that he also likes me in a more-than-friends way, just like me, as he sends flirty texts. However, I am worried about taking our relationship to the next level, one of the reasons being this is my first relationship. Also, I think that I may be bi/lesbian and I won’t want to hurt him in any way.

However, I feel a lot more comfortable being around and talking to girls. I guess this could be because of me being in an all girls school and having minimal contact with boys, hence my awkwardness around them. I like girls not just as friends, because I have caught myself staring at some of my friends and thinking about touching some of my closer friends. I don’t know if that’s normal as a teenage phase, or whether I’m really bi/les.

My best friend, whom I have known since I was 7 and is one year younger than me, has an average body and thinks she is fat, but I think she is hot. I have thought about kissing and touching her, but I’m afraid that it will ruin our beautiful friendship (We’ve been besties for more than half our lives and we have so much in common that were like sisters). She is in a mixed school, and I know that she likes guys, but I have no idea if she likes girls as I am too nervous to ask. I find myself fooling around with her, doing things like tickling her and playfully hitting her bum, and hugging her. I also tickle and hug my other friends, but in a different way. When I go over to her house, we lie on her bed and chat or use her laptop, and I find myself lying really close to her, touching her legs and snuggling close. I have no idea how she feels about this or if she minds, as she doesn’t say anything, move away or verbally acknowledge my actions, but I know that she is aware of it. I don’t know if all best friends act like that, as I’ve only had one best friend, her, since young till now. I know that we are special to each other, as we both have other close friends, but we both don’t treat them the way we treat each other. Another thing that makes me feel that she may sort-of like me back is how we address each other. I have good friends that call me dear, but my bestie calls me dear and darling openly, and in private online chats, sms’es, and away from others, she uses sweetie, lovely, honey etc, and so do I. My bestie is the main reason I think I may be bi/les, and I don’t know what to do.

I also feel a little for one of my other good friends who is in another girls school. However, I am more worried about what she might think, as she is the religious type. She is really beautiful, and has an even hotter body. I have slept over at her house and when she was asleep, I just couldn’t resist, so I cuddled really close and touched her a little, and when she shifted a little and her arm ended up around me, I was so happy. However, I have never flirted the way I did with my bestie, and she has no idea about how I feel.

After I realized that I may be bi/les, I went online to look for sites such as this to help answer my burning questions and find out more. While browsing, I came across some YouTube videos on lesbian kisses in movies and after watching them, I got really turned on and wanted to try it out. This made me feel that I wasn’t straight, and probably bisexual or lesbian. However, I still feel attracted to guys, but I really love my bestie too. And, I just got started with my sort-of boyfriend as well. So now I am really really troubled and confused about my feelings, how strong they are, whether this is a teenage phase or for real, and my sexuality. Should I continue flirting around with my bestie, and let her know, or not? And should I continue being with my sort-of boyfriend or leave him? Am I a lesbian or bisexual, or could all this be just a passing teenage phase and I’m only being curious? I’m in such a dilemma. Thanks for reading my long post, and any comments will be greatly appreciated.

<3, Anonymous girl

There’s this new girl in my school, who I am falling in love with. She is so amazing. She and a few of my friends are going to a concert on Saturday and I am super psyched. The problem is one of my friends is a boy and he is super popular. I’m pretty sure she likes him. What should I do?

I also tend to try act cool around her and end up making a fool of myself. I need some advice and you guys are my only hope. Please help me.

Hi there!

So here are a few details I should state before hand, unfortunately only a selective few of my friends know my sexual orientation (steady bisexual), so I am unable to express to them my problems. Second the only girls, I’ve really “dated” or had a serious connection with were online. I’ve had crushes and the rare times when I fall in love.

But my true issue right now is: I hate my girlfriend. We’ve been together for maybe a year and a half on and off. I’ve tried ending things with her, but she always sounds so miserable, and in pain… I just can’t bear watching someone be so hurt. So I usually take her back. It’s not that she isn’t a wonderful girl, she’s sweet, easy tempered, and she does love me. And I love her… But I’m not -in- love with her.

I’m at the breaking point, I have no feelings for her at all anymore but she’s still crazy about me… How can I let her off easy? How do I tell her, I don’t love her like that anymore??

Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks <3

Ciao Bella’s.

Alright, I’m confused and really angry.  In December, I was preparing to attend my first semester of school 1000 miles away from home.  Before I left, “Lily” and her boyfriend broke up because he felt “the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.”  Lily and I have been friends for a few years, the first of which I spent pining after her.  She returned my feelings, but because I was too cowardly to ask her out, she started dating our mutual friend.  It was kind of special for me, because it had been the first time that a crush of mine on a girl wasn’t unrequited.  She became a little depressed over it, she’s very emotional, but I believe I convinced her not to worry over me.  I got over her and no longer feel romantic about her.

Then, two years after I liked her, she has broken up with the boyfriend, and was feeling really down about it.  To try and comfort her, I tried to explain to her that she can do better, because she could have done better; she could have dated me instead of that guy.  I told her the truth, which was at one point in my life I would have given anything to be with her.

Now, she is flirting with me through texts saying how much she misses me, and to quote, that she “wants to….*ahem*…see me” really badly.  She also apparently expects a date when I come back.  I don’t know what to tell her.

I appreciate her as a friend now, but nothing more!  Was telling her that she could have had me a mistake?  I was trying to comfort her because I do care about her, but at one time she told me she was going “strictly dickly” for her boyfriend once broke my heart.  Any tips on how to approach this subject with her?

Gratefully yours,

Niki

Hey, I’ve been working up to this for a while, and quite frankly it’s be driving me crazy so I thought I’d just get this out of my system- apologies in advance if it isn’t very coherent.

My situation in short, is that I’ve developed very strong feelings for a woman 12 years older (I’m 18) and at a point some 5/6 months ago, I genuinely believed she felt the same- now she has moved on, and I really haven’t. We had known each other for about 2 years previous to actually admitting any feelings for each other, and we got on so amazingly well and had a strong friendship. For all this time, I knew I loved her but never considered that she may feel the same. Then summer comes round, and evidently it seems like she really does feel the same, but it was obvious we were both scared about it for various reasons. For those few months, we grew so much closer, it was amazing. The nicest part was that nothing really happened. We cuddled and held hands, kissed a little and chatted a lot and got to know each other on a different level, which was so nice, knowing that I had fallen in love with this woman on an intellectual/emotional basis and had such a connection with her (not saying she isn’t damn gorgeous though…) and it really felt like it was mutual.

However, we were both still coming to terms with our sexuality at the time, not to mention general fear of any complications regarding the age gap (parents!?). I was going away to uni, so we agreed that we’d take some time out from contact with each other so we could both get our heads sorted and have some space, despite it being so utterly painful. It was hard. More than hard, it was agonizing. I thought about her every day- she’d played such a huge part in my life for so long, and had such a big impact on so many ordinary things in my life, it was virtually impossible to do anything that didn’t make me think of her. We had the odd email here and there, and I knew she missed me as much as I missed her. Then, a few weeks ago, I found out that she was in a relationship with someone else. She phoned me to talk about it, although neither of us really knew what to say. I just couldn’t get my head around the fact that the very last time I spoke to her face to face, I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too… then the next time I hear her voice she’s telling me that I ‘need to let go and move on’. We spoke about the fact that either of us may find someone else while we were apart, but the reality of this never really sunk in, but I don’t hate her, and I’m not angry at her… I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Part of me wonders whether she ever meant those things that she said, but I know it’s just because I’m hurting, deep down I know that at the time, she meant every word. I would have gladly spent the rest of my life with her; I cannot even begin to express how much she means to me, even as a friend. I just, I don’t know… I want to fight, and tell her I refuse to let her go, and that I love her… but simultaneously, I’m assuming that whoever she is with now is of a similar age, in which case she has a greater chance of making it work, and getting on with her life. I want her to be happy, and I don’t want to ruin her current relationship or make it difficult for her in anyway by trying to force my way back in, and yet, I cannot ignore the fact that I love her so intently. I know many people will probably see my age as being quite significant, but I don’t want it to be a factor, I know what I feel and I know what I want. She makes me happy and I do not want to lose that.

I guess I just need some advice…  I love her so much that I’m trying to accept and value her decision to pursue a relationship with someone else who makes her happy, and stay out of her life for a little while until it dies down, but I feel that maybe if I don’t try and fight and let her know how much I need her, that I may miss my chance entirely. This said, I don’t want to make things difficult for her, and I certainly don’t want to cause anymore hurt than I already have.

Damn it, if anything, I just want my friend back!

If you’ve read this, I very much appreciate it, thank you.

This is my first posting ever so here goes…

Long story short, I am in love with a girl that is engaged to a guy.  We all used to work together and she would flirt with me at work and send me flirty text messages.  Some nights we would have dinner together.  I really started to have feelings for this girl but I was really confused by the whole situation.  She knew I was a lesbian and she told me that she was in fact bi.  The more time went on the more I liked her but I didn’t really know what to do about it.

I didn’t even know for a while that she was dating this other guy at work for a while because they kept it a secret so no one would get fired.  After a while it eventually all came out.    I was crushed.  I barely ate or slept for two weeks.  I should have been content to just cut my losses but to this day-almost 3 years later-she still will not mention him in a conversation to me.  She would talk about it with other people at work but not me, and if someone brought it up while I was around she would immediately change the subject.  And before hand when there were just rumors going around she brought it up to me in a conversation just to deny it.

We don’t work together anymore but every once in a while we will talk or have lunch.  When I heard she was engaged I dropped by her work to congratulate her.  When I asked her when she was getting married she sort of shrugged and gave me a weird look and again changed the subject.   A few weeks later, I dropped by again to say hello and we agreed to have lunch that afternoon.  At work when I dropped in she was wearing her engagement ring but when she met me for lunch she wasn’t.??  Sometimes when she sends me a text she’ll tell me that she misses me and she’ll compliment me a lot.  Once she even told me via text message that she loved me.

I just don’t really know what to make of all of this.  I have cared about her for a long time and for almost three years there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her.  I want her in my life but I just don’t know if that will work.  I can’t hold this in forever.  What do I do?