I’m 18 and at university

I’ve only ever kissed guys (apart from the odd dare) and i’ve had 1 semi serious relationship with one which never quite felt right. Since a conversation with my ex 6 weeks ago ive been questioning my sexuality, it won’t leave my mind or my dreams and ive even realised that i check out girls. I figured out that ive been in denial about this for a long time. I never let myself get close to girls, i had a few crushes in senior school I dismissed as admiration, and im far more comfortable round guys – I have often found i get nervous round girls. I’ve also always been very defensive and paranoid about people thinking i’m gay. But i took no notice and bottled it all up, its not the first thing that i’ve hidden from everyone including myself.

I also overthink stuff and this is driving me insane. The more I think about it the more i think that i’d be better with girls, that i could fall in love, with a girl. But wouldn’t that make me gay not bi? But how can I be thinking that when i’ve never even kissed a girl properly?

I don’t know what to do and I’m so confused.

Hello there all. I’ve got some problems and I’ve come to seek help.

I’m 27 years old, and I’ve been in a string of serious, long-term relationships with men ever since I was 15 years old. I have been curious about being with a woman ever since I was 16. The problem is, I have never had the chance, because I’ve always been in relationships, then gotten quickly involved with someone else successively after. The longest I’ve been single was two (glorious) months since I was 15. So now I’ve been with (and lived with) my boyfriend for six years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my relationship with my boyfriend. But my feelings for women have just gotten stronger and stronger. If I were having feelings about other men, I would say that I need to suck it up because most people probably experience the desire for extra’marital’ sex, and that’s the point of commitment–you don’t have it. I think this is different somehow, because I never fantasize about being with other men. I don’t think the problem is that I just want to ‘be free’ or sleep around with men. It’s this attraction to women that is really making me question my relationship with my boyfriend.

So, last weekend, I ended up dancing with a woman at a club and we made a really, and I mean REALLY incredible connection. This says to me that this desire is not going away and I have to deal with it.

I talked with him about it–he knows that I am bi but have never actually been with a woman. He is willing to work with me on this. But we don’t know how.

So my question is: how can I gracefully deal with this situation? Do I have to choose between exploring my sexuality and my stable relationship with my boyfriend? Can I have both? How?

Thanks very much.

I don’t really know where to start, but I’m not here to discuss my sexuality (that would be for another post). This is about my relationship to my mother and somewhat my family relationship too. To start with let me give you a short background about me and my family; I’m 22 years old turning 23 later months this year and I’m only girl. I have 3 brothers, me being the 3rd of 4 of us. Personally I’m not the type of person who asks for help but right now I need help and I have no one to turn into. My concern is about my family and I can’t just talk it randomly to someone as it is very personal matter to me. My close friends are not an option and I have no one in my relatives that I can trust enough. So my last resort are some outside views, your views… so please help me, I need your opinion and perhaps some advice too.

My mom and I doesn’t have good relationship but not in a bad way. We are just very different from each other that we didn’t develop any emotional connection, as in nothing. She doesn’t understand me and I can’t understand her and to top it all, we disagree a lot. I can’t even remember the time we have some mother-daughter moments and I’m not even sure if we even had.

Now let me tell you our differences, she’s affectionate, open, talkative, and emotional person while me, you can say I’m the opposite of her. I don’t like being touch; I’m distant, quite and like to keep things to myself. She’s girly type; she make-up her face, uses perfume, likes bags and fancy clothes. While me, I only make-up and uses perfume when needed, and I never like bags. I like clothes, it’s just my taste is different from hers.

I  have been with my girlfriend for  almost a year. The problem, we break up all the time AND she constantly talks about how I have nothing left to offer because I had a serious relationship with a guy ( I was married and have kids). It’s kinda funny because she talks about her exes all the time, how they used her or how she wasn’t interested in them, or how attractive people find her. I hardly ever mention my ex or anyone I dated.  She is also very critical of my kids. At first I thought she was giving feedback in a constructive way but the more she talks about them the more I realize she never says anything positive.  We’ll get in a fight and something will come up and she’ll make a negative comment about how glad she is that she isn’t stuck with the “kids I have” and that they have “issues”.  My one child is younger  (kindergarten) and one day her and I  were having a discussion and they lingered outside the room before coming in. Later that day she complained that they were being sneaky. If my kids need me she gets really annoyed and complains that I don’t have time for her and that she wants someone committed to her. She also complains about how much time I spend at work or why I don’t answer the phone or text her enough. I honestly do care and love her but I also am starting to think that she will always have an issue with the kids because “they’re not her problem”.  She tells me she loves me and wants to get married but I find myself pulling away because of how she acts around my kids. If she really wanted to be with me wouldn’t she at least make an effort to try to get to know them?  I actually have talked to her about it and she just says they’re not hers. I feel torn because when it comes down to it I know I can’t be with someone who does not care about them too. Will this change? She tells me all lesbians feel like her and that no one wants someone else’s kids except a guy. I feel like she’s wrong. Prior to being married I was with a woman for several years.  I want to be with her but I am worried this won’t change.

Recently,I make friend with a girl.And after few weeks we became so close.I had feelings for her.I admire her and love her.But i don’t know how should i react to her because she is straight and im scared she will think bad of me if i tell her about my feelings towards her..she doesnt have any interest in this kind of relationship but at the same time im not ready to loss her..Im scared that she will reject me.How should i react now???Plaese guide me…thank you

ok so i had a crush on this girl i met from work for about 8 months but i never said anything, cause i was scared. finally i worked up my courage and told her how i feel, and she was surprised and was excited to see where it would go. we have been dating for about 2 months and she is awesome, we have so much in common and she is a great girl. this is the first girl i’ve dated, i’ve always been attracted to girls but i’m just confused. sometimes i have second thoughts and i really want them to go away. I dont want to tell her cause i dont want her to get upset and i dont want to break up either. this is really depressing and gets to me all the time because i really do just want to whole heartily love her. or it also could be that we are together ALL the time and i could just be having my space invaded. WHAT TO DO!

Hello there. So I’m a fifteen year old Asian with a tomboy attitude. Fyi, i have not come out yet so yea. Lemme get to the point. I think I’ve developed a little crush on one of my closest buddies. We share a lot in common, we always have things to talk about, we laugh at the same things and we’re classmates. Oh and also, she’s straight, possibly homophobic and has a twin.

I’ve circled around the sexuality subject a few times and she was always putting a stop to it as she doesn’t want to talk about it at all. Sometimes when I hold her hand playfully, she gets freaked out cuz some of my friends refer to me as the ‘lezzie’. And as for her twin, sigh. Both of them are my classmates, and are really close with me, but they’re not identical though. The one that I think I’m falling for is the older one though she’s shorter than her younger twin. The twins and I, we do everything together. Everything. So if I’m falling for one of them, won’t it make things complicated? Plus, I live in a community where homosexuals are absolutely not accepted. So what am I gonna do? She’s straight, she’s my bud, she has a twin, she may be homophobic and homos are not accepted where I live. But I don’t think I can help it though I’m still not sure if I’m falling in love with her or not. Help me, please? And I really don’t think it’s time for me to come clean yet. Sigh. Thanks

She’s moving with me across the country. We’ll be away from our families and her past. We’ll be in a friendly state in a lesbian friendly apartment.

She hasn’t been able to sleep since Christmas, but she falls asleep easier if I crawl into bed with her for half an hour before she goes to bed. Any advice? We’ll both be out of school soon so we’ll have time to make her sleep.

She’s been very affectionate lately. She has to hold my hand, or hold around my waist when we walk around campus or walmart. By the time this posts I’ll be graduated and at home.

We do this thing where we rub noses… anytime I would kiss her, we rub noses. Does that count? lol

I just thought I’d let everyone know that things are pretty normal between Despina and me, we are happy… still confused, but happy.

Hi, I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a “legitimate” lesbian relationship (I’ve only dated men), but I know that I have an interest in women.  A while ago I came out to my best friend, who I’m sure had an idea…anyway people thought we were a couple, whatever, because we were so close.  Recently we started sharing the bed and have kissed a couple times.

She’s terrible for my grades, though, so I’ve been spending more time in the library doing schoolwork, and I wasn’t aware that anything was wrong but then it started to feel awkward.  Then a mutual friend implied that she was upset, and I pushed him into giving me answers which were generalizations, mostly, and more confusing than anything.  Some of the things he said were that it makes her uncomfortable that I’m gay and I hug her and hold her hand sometimes.

Apparently, she thinks I like her-like her, as in interested in her-which would make her uncomfortable.  And I love her, but I’m not interested in her, which brings me to my dilemma:

Suddenly I’m confused as to when I crossed the line?  I don’t know when it happened, and I’m not sure why she never told me, but now I’m afraid to even hug her or compliment her.  She complemented me the other day and so I reciprocated but that’s it.

I’m not sure how to fix our friendship, because that and a few other things she said make me uncomfortable, and make me feel like she doesn’t know me.

I know a lot of people have experience liking their best friend, but has anyone had an experience like mine?  What should I do?

Hi,

So, I don´t know what´s going on anymore, my head is just filled up with all these thoughts, am I a lesbian? Am I bisexual? Just curious? Basically all my life, I´m 21 btw, I´ve thought that I was into guys. I mean in my early teens my room was covered with posters of pretty much every male actor in Hollywood. I had dreams that one day I´ll find the perfect man, get married and have kids. I still have those dreams, but I´ve changed the gender of my spouse.

Looking back I think I might have always been over the average interested in women, sure, I had posters of guys all over the place. But watching TV and movies I always got extremely fascinated by the female characters. But did I just want to be like them? Do I still just want to be like them? Am I attracted to females because I lack motherly contact in my daily life?

When we started drinking in high school, I still wanted to be in a relationship with a guy, I hooked up with guys, flirted, it was fun. But somehow it just didn’t feel right. On the contrary it felt extremely good making out with my girl friends at parties. But that was just for fun right? I shouldn’t really enjoy it as much as I did. Some day it would feel right with a guy.

Still hooking up with guys, trying to find the right one for me, I started my first job at the age of 18. After getting to know my co-workers, my boss one day came out to me as a lesbian. . I didn´t really know how to respond, lesbian, sure I knew they excited, but in my entire life I´d never had any kind of “contact” with them. Not that I cared, she was still the same awesome person that she´d always been. Who cares whom people share their bed with? But it got me thinking, how did she know? How could she be so sure?

During that year, I became more aware of other girls, I got attracted to them and I got curious. I wanted to feel what it felt like to be with a girl. But I was scared. How do I approach them? Why am I so interested in girls? What am I? Questions ran through my head, and as I moved away for college I thought that this was the year were I would meet a girl and fall in love.

I did meet a girl, and I still get butterflies in my stomach thinking about her. She was weird, but she was cute, and I liked her. We hooked up a few times at parties, acted like nothing had happened when sober. And I still wonder what might have happened if I would have dared to talk to her about my feelings, would we be a couple? Why didn’t I just kiss her that last day of school? God knows I wanted to.

That year I also dated a guy in my class, it felt nice, he was the first person I could imagine myself to let in. Really get to know me, I´ve got a low self-esteem, and don’t let people in to easily. But I wanted to do that with him, though at the same time, things didn’t feel 100% right. Something it did with Alex (the girl from college). We bonded immediately, and there was never any “weirdness”. I could just be myself. This seems to be the case with any female in general, sure I´m shy and nervous when I like someone, but it feels right. Guys, I just don’t connect with.

So why do I find men attractive? I can flirt with them all night, feel turned on, but as soon as I get into the bedroom with them, it just feels wrong. Due to this I´ve started to reject guys when I go out, I´d much rather go home with the cute girl at the end of the bar. But is it just a phase? Doesn’t it work with guys because I haven’t met the right one? Do I like girls or do I just want to be like them? Right know I definitely want to be with them, but will I never want to be with a guy again?

I don’t understand how people can be so sure of their sexual orientation? I have no idea what “label” to put on myself, and some days I´m at ease with that, others I go crazy and don’t understand why it got to be so hard.

Cause right now, I want to meet a girl, but I´m scared, what will my friends and family say? And how do I meet a girl when I´m not even out yet? What do I come out as? What do I do right now?

Sorry for the long text, I´m just going crazy with thougths here…what am I? Any advice?