Scared

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Okay so… I’m bisexual; I’ve known that for a while now. It was very hard accepting it, but I finally did. Now I need to come out to my family. I’ve been in lesbian relationships and actually the only time I’ve fallen in love, it was with a girl.  I’m getting to know this other girl I really like a lot. She came over 2 days ago and met my mom… it was kind of awkward because last week she sent me a text message saying “hey baby, call me asap. luv you” and of course my mother read it! (Why did I have to leave my phone at home THAT day?) Well, when I came home this happened:

- “Who’s Krystie?”
- “A friend of mine, why do you ask?”
- “Well she left you a pretty weird text message… Why does she call you baby?”

And for a moment my heart went up to my throat…

- “I don’t know mom… we do that you know… friends… all of us… we call each other baby and hottie and stuff like that.”
-”Oh”

When she said “oh” I knew she didn’t believe me at all… see my mom is kind of homophobic and she knows I’m not. She knows I’m in the school’s GSA and she knows a lot of my friends are gay and she knows I’m supportive of everything that has to do with gay rights. I get mad at her every time she says something inappropriate about gay people and lately I’ve been snapping at her every time she does it… so I’m guessing she must have umm… a clue? Maybe?

I’m Puerto-Rican and my family is a very traditional and religious. My mom thinks being gay is “against gods will” which I find totally pathetic. The point is that I LOVE my mom to death. I’ve NEVER hidden anything from her except for my sexuality and it hurts me so much to know that who I am disgusts her. I’m so scared, because I know that sooner or later I’m going to have to come out to her and my whole family, but its her that really scares me to death.. I know that when I do I’ll break her heart. I need help… I’ve thought about ignoring who I really am and just going on with my life pretending I’m something I’m not… but I know that’s not the right thing. I just don’t want to hurt her, because it would break my heart… advice anyone?

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