Serial Monogamy/Bisexual Girlfriend
I’ve been out since the age of 17, to my parents, my friends, etc. I fell in love with my best friend when I was 14, and she broke up with me when we were 17. She told me she was straight and didn’t love me anymore. I think this had a lasting effect on me. Years later, this same girl told me she actually never stopped loving me, but she was just afraid I’d break up with her when I went off to college.
A few months after we broke up, I met and fell in love with a lesbian who had just come out of the closet. We fell really, really hard for one another. But she was intense. She kept talking about us being fated for each other, how she wanted to have children with me, etc. I loved her very much, but in a way I felt like I was going from one marriage to another. When we went off to separate colleges, the long distance was hard for me. I asked her if we could have an open relationship. She couldn’t. After a long while, I ended up cheating on her. We broke up after dating for 2 and a half years.
About 7 months after that, (I am 21 at this point) my amazing, straight friend and I start to spend a lot of time together. I have always thought this friend might be bisexual, and as it turns out, she actually tried to come out as such to a close friend of hers in childhood. This friend completely shut her out, and she repressed any feelings she had for women from then on.
Eventually, we end up falling for one another. She tells me she has never felt this way for anyone, has never been so attracted to anyone else be they male or female, and that she’s in love with me. She comes out as a queer woman, we live together now and have been dating for three years. (That brings us up to the present, I am 23 years old). My problem is that I’m afraid that one day she will wake up and tell me that she is actually straight, and doesn’t love me (just like my first girlfriend did). I don’t want to be afraid of her bisexuality; I’ve dated men in the past myself, but it is intimidating. I am constantly trying to decipher her sexual orientation in my head. I ask her to give me examples of her attractions for women, if she thinks she would have come out even if we never fell in love, etc. Any opinions? Thanks.
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Being intimidated by her sexuality is understandable - I’m bisexual and my girlfriend always has some anxiety swimming in her head about it. However, to me it sounds like you don’t have much to worry about. I must say, though, breaking up with you the way your 17 year old girlfriend did and claiming to be straight then claiming she never stopped loving you sounds a little fishy to me. Perhaps there’s more to that story than you know.
But getting back to your current situation…
Enjoy each other! I’m sure she would’ve come out eventually once she found the right person. Feel lucky that it was you! And if she tried to come out a long time ago to a friend, that’s good - there’s some history. Plus she lives with you! That’s pretty serious. And if it falls through, it falls through. Like they say, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” It is much harder to live with regrets over what you didn’t do and the feelings you didn’t let yourself fully explore. I know. It’s hard for me to love someone. Feel blessed that you can. It’s a gift that shouldn’t be repressed.
And good luck deciphering her bisexuality. Figuring out my own is crazy enough. But we’re not as bad as people make us out to be…I think there’s just a lot of girls that throw the term around and give us a bad rep. What a shame. Don’t get too intimidated - withdrawing to psychoanalyze too much may push her away eventually. Loving her passionately and with confidence is what she needs.
Just try taming your fear girl,because it’s sad to let your first gf’s shadow haunt you.Talk to her,she may find a way to make you realize that you shouldn’t be afraid.And what if she turns out to be straight?She’d be the one who has to clear her consciousness.All you gotta do is free your mind from the bad thinking,it’ll lead nowhere.Just enjoy your present relationship and don’t let a memory haunt you down forever!