First Lady Love
If I were to be completely honest with myself, this isn’t the first time I have ever been attracted to a woman. It is however, the first time I have ever felt this strongly about another human being in my life. I love her, and would give up everything for her. I am so scared to let her know how I feel. Part of that is because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I don’t want there to be that awkward distance that often engulfs a relationship when one person reveals how they feel and it turns out the other person doesn’t share those feelings. A huge part of it is that I feel unworthy. I don’t feel attractive enough, experienced enough, or good enough to even suggest taking our relationship to a different level.
I also am not sure how to approach the situation, because at this point, almost everyone, including her, thinks that I am straight. While I have supportive friends, coming out will create a rift in my family. I should probably be ashamed to admit that I am operating on an “ignorance is bliss” level. They’re still healing the hurt that came with learning that I have chosen an alternative religious path. I’d hate to deal them another hard blow so soon after. Although, I do know that, besides being a lesbian, they would love everything about her.
Is coming out a bridge I shouldn’t cross until I have too? Should I tell her how I feel, or wait and see if there is any indication she might reciprocate my feelings?
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hug
Dear Willow:
There is no “right way” to do life, although many people will tell you otherwise. I’ve found that it is a series of risks. The only advice I would give you is to go slow, trust your gut and respect yourself.
I’ve been in the same situation. I was in love with this girl, I wasn’t out and it scared the hell out of me to tell her how I felt because I didn’t want to ruin our “friendship”. So I just went with the flow and you know what, it’s been 8 years now. we’re still together but as “best friends”. It’s been a painful road for me, she still doesn’t know anything. Thanks God I’m finally over her but it took me so long. So my advice to you would be to talk to her no matter how scary it gets. You would save yourself from a lot of pain even if she doesn’t react the way you’d like her to. I understand that you don’t want to ruin your relationship with her as friends but think about it, you’re not really friends, you’re in love with her. so you wouldn’t be losing a friend.
I think the first thing you should do is tell her that you’re attracted to women. Leave your feelings for her out of it. Just see how she reacts to that. It will help a lot in determining whether your feelings may be returned by her. I think you probably already know the answer now. This will just cement it. If you don’t think she has feelings for you, then don’t tell her how you feel. Just do your best to get over her privately so you can keep the friendship. If you think she might have feelings for you, go for it. To me, the reward is worth the risk.