A Situation That Needs Answers
I’m going to start off by saying that this is going to be long so if you have the patience to make it through, thank you.
Okay so just recently I came out to my best friend whom I was also completely in love with, which who hasn’t been at some point, but anyways as soon as I told her she stopped being friends with me. We had been friends for three years and had met each other in college through our soccer team. As soon as I met her I knew I loved her, it was the strangest thing to have happen.
Anyways, I befriended her and we became very good friends. When I met her she was madly in love with her best friend whom was a very horrible guy. I helped her eventually tell him that she loved him but inside it killed me. We fought a lot to say the least because I didn’t agree with a lot of things she did and she didn’t like me voicing my opinion. But at the same time we were extremely close, I spent every holiday with her family rather than my own (by her request), and paid for everything when we were together, and drove.
Well the thing is there were several times that I felt like she might have had similar feelings but was afraid. My friend and I drank often and quite a bit and there were several times that we stayed in the same bed. Every time that she stayed in my bed with me, I would wake up to find her cuddling with me and rubbing her feet up and down my legs, she played with my hair, and even one time I found her hands in my pants. I would of course snuggle back with her. There were 2 times when she woke up after getting a little frisky and would say that she thought I was a guy that climbed in bed with her, but yet when she laid back down and I would wrap my arms back around her she wouldn’t remove them. It was all very strange…
I know this makes me seem like a stalker, but I was able to see her Facebook and everything I had ever written her she resent to herself so if I got rid of my profile she would still have the messages, even though she told me she had gotten rid of it all. She would save text and would get angry with me when I wouldn’t answer my phone if she called, once. It was all very peculiar.
I don’t know if I was just wanting things between us to be more than it was or she wanted it too but was to afraid of her family and friends. Every time I was around her I just felt like nothing or no one else matters and I’m finding it difficult to move on. Also I forgot to mention that on our trips for the soccer team, we would always sit with one another, but she would immediately lay in my lap and my hand would rub her legs or stomach. No matter what position I was sitting in she would find someway to lay touching me. Anyways, she calls herself homophobic and yet performs homo acts. I am gay, but she was never aware because it would result in scrutiny among my peers. Most of the people I have discussed my situation with say that she might have felt the same but was afraid. Looking for a little guidance and sorry that things were not very synchronized, I had problems making this flow…
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
I find it incredibly hard for her to be a self-titled homophobe. It sounds more like something she tells herself to avoid thinking about her true feelings. I honestly believe that this girl is bi or even perhaps gay. I mean, the facts: she blatantly denies being gay, she enjoys cuddling with you, and she plays college soccer (major gay points!). Unfortunately for you, however, she is scared straight, literally. Is there any particular reason why she would be so closeted? Parents super conservative?
She could be avoiding you for a number of reasons…a few possibilities:
She is honestly a straight homophobe (very unlikely)
She is attracted to you and realizes more could come from the cuddling (possible)
She is jealous that you’re so in-touch with your own feelings (somewhat possible)
She may be a lost cause, but I’m sure you don’t want to give up, so talk to her. Ask her why she has distanced herself from a good friend after you gave her the news. Ask her if she is a truly a homophobe or afraid to evaluate herself.
Good luck
I don’t really know why she is terrified so much to come out, that is if she is gay or even bi. Yes, her family does have an issue with gays, but not even to the same extent of my own family. I wish I could talk with her, but she will not respond to anything I have to say…
It just is annoying and so difficult because she is the first person I have loved so deeply and to be dropped so suddenly was a shock.
I am sorry to hear about your friend. But I think the best remedy is giving her space… it is absolutely crutial because she might be in panic mode at the moment and further contact with her might be detrimental. Unfortunately, everyone has their own demons to work out, but it sounds like she was attracted to you and was engaging in some sort of relationship with you that was more than a friendship.
I would give her 2-6 months to get over it. I know this sounds really hard and painful, but I would not call/email/text etc because time is very powerful. It gives people (both you and her) a chance to reflect on the past, and right now she is probably just freaked out with the whole situation and questioning herself. But give her enough time, her emotions will calm down and she will miss you if you guys were good friends.
If you guys were very close, I am sure that she will come around and make the first move to get back in contact with you. If it were me and she hasn’t responded in 3 or 4 months, I would write her a long email putting everything I have to say in it. If you’re still in love with her by then I would write it all down and send it off… At worst, it would probably give you the closure you need to move on, or the opportunity for her to address everything after a period of reflection.
That’s good. That’s good, very good. I’d totally follow what citywalker just said, god it’s all there, No comment here, lol I’d take that advice, strongly agree. GO citywalker!!!!! Woo! Go for it Jackie!!!!
Loves, Ro