Fear
It will maybe sound stupid, but last night, while I was watching “The L Word” I discovered one of my deepest fears, that my girlfriend leaves me and goes back to her ex.
I am 28 years old and my life as a lesbian is short, Just 3 or 4 years, when I met her. Before we became a couple, we were just friends and she had a long time relationship. Sadly, we cheated on her and fell in love. We live together since last January and I am happy, but since we started I’ve been having these feelings of guilt and sorrow about her previous girlfriend, besides jealousy.
Last night, when I was watching that chapter when Bette and Tina cheat on Jodi and I just understood everything. I am afraid one day my girlfriend will wake up and realize she still loves her ex-girlfriend. I know it’s ridiculous because I have a lot of nice unique things and I don’t know why I feel like that. I don’t want this fear to grow because I am afraid I will destroy the most important relationship in my life.
How can I solve this fear?
Thanks a lot for reading me…
I hope that it felt good saying that and I hope that you get lots of more chances...
The best way to put your worries to rest (and hopefully not confirm them) would be to talk to her. I know that probably sounds like an obvious answer, but that’s because it is. There’s not much of a commitment if communication about your hopes, dreams, fears…everything, doesn’t exist. What you say and how you say it is up to you, but its only fair to the both of you to talk about it.
I agree with Enigma. You need to talk to your girlfriend. I think its only natural that you have these fears and feelings. The way your relationship started was unconventional, and that’s why. You feel guilty because you obviously didn’t want to hurt anyone. I think talking to your girlfriend about these feelings is the best thing for both of you and its the best way to get over your feelings and fears.
Accepting one’s fears and weaknesses is hard but I am just a human.
I will talk to her.
Thanks for your comments!
LOL Amara. This is not funny, but my gf & I are catching up on “The L Word” and we totally almost had a fight over Bette & Tina! I side with Tina because Bette shouldn’t have cheated, and she says “but Bette learned her mistake, Tina should not keep punishing her!” I guess we both see a little of ourselves in each character.
Please just try to remember- it’s only television. Yes, it could happen, but it could also not. Focus on making your relationship a happy and sane one, and maintain the lines of communication. The rest is up to God, and the two of you.
If it ends.. it’s meant to end… and there is someone better who’s gonna come your way… just enjoy iy while it lasts… don’t think of it (the relationship) as something that you can’t let go of… next thing you know… it’s been 10 years and she’s still by your side…