I Can’t Understand Her
I’ve been seeing this girl for 6 months. She is bisexual. This entire time we go back and forth between just being friends, and friends who have sex. Usually drunk sex, but we have gotten very very close to each other. She has kids that I am close to. We do everything together. She says she does not want a relationship. She goes through phases where she really wants a man, and then wants me. So I have been feeling this sexual inadequacy because I want to be enough for her. Even though I know better. I can’t stand the thought of her with a man though. Only because I’m afraid she’ll fall for one.
She had regular male partners before me and I was okay with that. Then she stopped with them, and it was just her and I for 2 months. I fell in love with her and told her. She dealt with it and remained my friend. But said she only wanted to be friends, no sex again. Then we would have sex like 3 hours later. This went on for several weeks, saying no, and then doing it. The last 2 times we had sex, I would ask her to get on top of me, or if I tried to use a strap-on she completely freaked out. Saying it wasn’t the same, crying, screaming, very angry. I would try to honor her wishes by not having sex with her, but when we slept in the same bed, she was all over me. I am so attracted to her I didn’t make her stop. Then would get mad at me later. And then I would feel like crap. I have tried to just be her friend, but I am just not sure if I can get past those feelings. I love her too much. I’m not a stalker and I never forced her to do anything. It was never like that. She always initiated the sex
Anyway, last night she said I didn’t respect her and she never wanted to see me again. Not even friends. I feel so bad and I have told her how sorry I am. I should have listened to her. She is ignoring me and I feel like I have lost my best friend. Yet a part of me doesn’t feel too bad because she gave me nothing but mixed signals the whole time. And the conversations we had and intimacy we shared showed me very different feelings than what she was telling me. Is she in some kind of reverse denial? All her friends say she should come out, but she really loves sex with men. Was she really trying a relationship with me in her mind, without telling me and it freaked her out? Maybe the thought of not having sex with a man freaked her out. I don’t’ know.
I am confused and I don’t know what to do. I have been trying to leave her alone, but I still email her. She told me before that I am attracted to what I can’t have and the chase of it, which is true. And blames me for not leaving her alone. And I still talk to her kids because she said she didn’t want to take that away from them. Anyone out there have a clue as to what happened? There are more issues than what I have written here. Like she would tell me she didn’t like me like that, but I would still tell her I love her and send her letters about my feelings. I had a lot of insecurities with her and it was a problem and I think in the end pushed her away.
Thanks
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I can’t give you any reason for why she’s done what she has. I’m a bit too confused to offer insight as to her orientation or whatever else may be affecting her behavior. But I think I can make her behavior a little more clear to you.
She has some feelings for you. She likes your company, and she likes the intimacy you two share. She’s sexually attracted to you. But in the light of the day, she doesn’t really want to be with you. I don’t know why. But it seems clear that doesn’t. She just allows herself to get caught up in the moment and takes her pleasure as she pleases. This is incredibly unfair to you especially as she knows how you feel about her.
A better person wouldn’t string you along like this. She wouldn’t just take the parts of you that she wants and leave the rest behind. Go find a better person. You deserve more than what she’s giving you.
wandalake hit the nail on the head. it’s always the drunk sex.
Thank you guys. Wanda your comment really made sense. I know my post was confusing, but I when I try to talk to my other friends about it, who are all straight, they don’t even try to understand. I needed to hear that I deserve better and she has been using me. Hell she had even told me that she would use me for her own pleasure and hurt me. I guess I thought I meant more than that. I hate losing good friends to stupid games. But, it’s what we all do I think. Thanks again.