Comments on: Hindsight and Foresight… Seeing The Same Thing http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/04/hindsight-and-foresightseeing-the-same-thing/ Ask A Sister, We Always Answer Sun, 14 Mar 2010 00:14:55 +0000 hourly 1 By: c. http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/04/hindsight-and-foresightseeing-the-same-thing/comment-page-1/#comment-14704 c. Thu, 07 Aug 2008 22:02:38 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=464#comment-14704 I would definitely agree with the previous comments. You should tell someone you would trust with your life, because that's essentially what you're doing. This is going to be your life and only you can answer for it. I wish I had come out at 19, it would have saved me so much time and effort. Though, if you knew me, you might think I would have had it easy coming out. My mom is gay, but my whole life she saw how I acted and would always tell me she didn't want me to be gay because of all the shit she had to go through. And I listened like a "good" daughter listens to her mother, when I should have been living my truth. We are okay now, but it took lots of tears to get through it. You just have to stick out the tough times and make the good times last as long as possible. And once you come out and everything settles down (I'm hoping it would.) you will have ALOT of fun. And if not, there's always California. LOL, I jest. Best of luck and just remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I would definitely agree with the previous comments. You should tell someone you would trust with your life, because that’s essentially what you’re doing. This is going to be your life and only you can answer for it. I wish I had come out at 19, it would have saved me so much time and effort. Though, if you knew me, you might think I would have had it easy coming out. My mom is gay, but my whole life she saw how I acted and would always tell me she didn’t want me to be gay because of all the shit she had to go through. And I listened like a “good” daughter listens to her mother, when I should have been living my truth. We are okay now, but it took lots of tears to get through it. You just have to stick out the tough times and make the good times last as long as possible. And once you come out and everything settles down (I’m hoping it would.) you will have ALOT of fun. And if not, there’s always California. LOL, I jest.

Best of luck and just remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

]]> By: amoeba-alisa http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/04/hindsight-and-foresightseeing-the-same-thing/comment-page-1/#comment-14534 amoeba-alisa Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:53:35 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=464#comment-14534 First of all, I really feel the need to let you know "Hey! You're not alone." But I'm fairly sure you are already well aware of that since you've been around the site. But being 19 myself, I feel like I can help relate on your level as to what you're going through. Congratulations, for being willing to come to terms with yourself. What most people don't realize is one of the hardest battles is the one we fight with ourself -- and you're one step closer to being happy with this realization. Secondly, in regards to your question, I would have to say go with friends first out of personal opinion. I would recommend telling your family before you have a girlfriend that needs introducing, but I also believe having a really good support system filled with friends is key in this process. If you need someone to talk to, an outsider's opinion, or just someone to vent your frustrations for while to, feel free to email me or im me at acousticsavior@hotmail.com . I'll try to help as best I can. But if nothing else, good luck in this process. You can do it. First of all, I really feel the need to let you know “Hey! You’re not alone.” But I’m fairly sure you are already well aware of that since you’ve been around the site. But being 19 myself, I feel like I can help relate on your level as to what you’re going through. Congratulations, for being willing to come to terms with yourself. What most people don’t realize is one of the hardest battles is the one we fight with ourself — and you’re one step closer to being happy with this realization.

Secondly, in regards to your question, I would have to say go with friends first out of personal opinion. I would recommend telling your family before you have a girlfriend that needs introducing, but I also believe having a really good support system filled with friends is key in this process.

If you need someone to talk to, an outsider’s opinion, or just someone to vent your frustrations for while to, feel free to email me or im me at acousticsavior@hotmail.com . I’ll try to help as best I can. But if nothing else, good luck in this process. You can do it.

]]> By: wyatt http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/04/hindsight-and-foresightseeing-the-same-thing/comment-page-1/#comment-14433 wyatt Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:08:16 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=464#comment-14433 I'm glad you have been able to come to this conclusion at 19. I am married with kids and have just come to the realization that I am attracted to women, but not sure if it is a bi thing or a bicurious thing. I will probably never find out because I don't share this with anyone. As a mom of an 18-year-old, I can tell you that I love my children no matter what and I believe your mom will do the same. I’m glad you have been able to come to this conclusion at 19. I am married with kids and have just come to the realization that I am attracted to women, but not sure if it is a bi thing or a bicurious thing. I will probably never find out because I don’t share this with anyone. As a mom of an 18-year-old, I can tell you that I love my children no matter what and I believe your mom will do the same.

]]> By: BrokenWings http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/04/hindsight-and-foresightseeing-the-same-thing/comment-page-1/#comment-14427 BrokenWings Tue, 05 Aug 2008 12:52:51 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=464#comment-14427 I would think that a friend would be the best person to tell first... like they say, you choose you friends, you don't choose your family. Also, the first could well be the hardest, so perhaps it might be better if it's someone you're sure will be supportive (assuming such a person is available) first, and the others later. Having said that, I should warn you that I haven't come out yet either, so I'm NOT speaking from experience. It's just, that's what I'm planning, if I do turn out to be lesbian. Best wishes! I would think that a friend would be the best person to tell first… like they say, you choose you friends, you don’t choose your family. Also, the first could well be the hardest, so perhaps it might be better if it’s someone you’re sure will be supportive (assuming such a person is available) first, and the others later.

Having said that, I should warn you that I haven’t come out yet either, so I’m NOT speaking from experience. It’s just, that’s what I’m planning, if I do turn out to be lesbian.

Best wishes!

]]> By: evolution http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/04/hindsight-and-foresightseeing-the-same-thing/comment-page-1/#comment-14305 evolution Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:53:03 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=464#comment-14305 Who you come out to first is your call. I found that telling my best friend was easiest; he was already out to me and so I knew the whole gay thing wasn't going to be an issue. You'll see that once you tell someone who is accepting, it becomes easier each person you tell. Pick a close friend or two and tell them. You'll find that they're, hopefully, cool with it. I'm going to take a wild guess and say you are surrounded by lesbians if you play a sport in college, so avoid telling the wrong big-mouth or you'll become "fresh meat." Telling your parents is for another day, in my opinion anyway. It's awesome that they're not conservative, but you're still their daughter. They might support gay marriage, but their reaction to you being gay might not be as supportive (hopefully it is though!). Feel them out and tell them when the time is right. Whoever you tell, congrats for figuring yourself out. Don't try and jump into anything. Take it easy, date around, and have fun. Learn from my mistake: don't let a new, exciting girlfriend screw up your performance on the field. Good Luck! Who you come out to first is your call. I found that telling my best friend was easiest; he was already out to me and so I knew the whole gay thing wasn’t going to be an issue. You’ll see that once you tell someone who is accepting, it becomes easier each person you tell.

Pick a close friend or two and tell them. You’ll find that they’re, hopefully, cool with it. I’m going to take a wild guess and say you are surrounded by lesbians if you play a sport in college, so avoid telling the wrong big-mouth or you’ll become “fresh meat.”

Telling your parents is for another day, in my opinion anyway. It’s awesome that they’re not conservative, but you’re still their daughter. They might support gay marriage, but their reaction to you being gay might not be as supportive (hopefully it is though!). Feel them out and tell them when the time is right.

Whoever you tell, congrats for figuring yourself out. Don’t try and jump into anything. Take it easy, date around, and have fun. Learn from my mistake: don’t let a new, exciting girlfriend screw up your performance on the field.

Good Luck!

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