Comments on: A Great Mom http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/19/a-great-mom/ Ask A Sister, We Always Answer Thu, 09 Sep 2010 03:35:26 +0000 hourly 1 By: CityWalker http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/19/a-great-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-16024 CityWalker Wed, 20 Aug 2008 02:39:42 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=491#comment-16024 Ahh don't worry Chippy... this is what the board is about - to give you a different perspective that you can either accept, reject or develop. Even if you do have gay parents, I can imagine it is still hard to be gay and accept gayness if you have been brought up in a homophobic (or else heterocentric) society. It is probably a good thing that you and your mom are really similar so you can understand the things that she has had to go through in her life. In so doing, you will understand why you think and act certain ways ... be happy for your positive features and change the things you think ought to be changed. To be so self aware at 15 is a really good thing, and I am sure that you, your mom and Dena will be closer as a result. Ahh don’t worry Chippy… this is what the board is about – to give you a different perspective that you can either accept, reject or develop. Even if you do have gay parents, I can imagine it is still hard to be gay and accept gayness if you have been brought up in a homophobic (or else heterocentric) society. It is probably a good thing that you and your mom are really similar so you can understand the things that she has had to go through in her life. In so doing, you will understand why you think and act certain ways … be happy for your positive features and change the things you think ought to be changed.

To be so self aware at 15 is a really good thing, and I am sure that you, your mom and Dena will be closer as a result.

]]> By: Chippy29 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/19/a-great-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-16009 Chippy29 Tue, 19 Aug 2008 22:24:14 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=491#comment-16009 hey, so dena is my moms "partner" and she has always been there like she wasn't in the background and has a lot of influence in my life, but what i think i just realized is that i have never really wanted to think of my mom like that. i don't know this is really hard to explain but i think my mom and i are more similar than i want to admit. so i think thats why i never accepted them as together. and the really sad thing i am realizing is that its cause dena is a larger woman and i have always been more on the femi side so i think i might have been embarrassed to acknowledge them as together. and when i'm writing this i am seeing that i need to change. but i'ts just difficult cause that was even the issuse with my first girlfriend is that she bigger too and i really couldn't get over it. whisch is really shallow and i am ralizing that i need to change. hey,
so dena is my moms “partner” and she has always been there like she wasn’t in the background and has a lot of influence in my life, but what i think i just realized is that i have never really wanted to think of my mom like that. i don’t know this is really hard to explain but i think my mom and i are more similar than i want to admit. so i think thats why i never accepted them as together. and the really sad thing i am realizing is that its cause dena is a larger woman and i have always been more on the femi side so i think i might have been embarrassed to acknowledge them as together. and when i’m writing this i am seeing that i need to change. but i’ts just difficult cause that was even the issuse with my first girlfriend is that she bigger too and i really couldn’t get over it. whisch is really shallow and i am ralizing that i need to change.

]]> By: CityWalker http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/19/a-great-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-15990 CityWalker Tue, 19 Aug 2008 11:37:18 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=491#comment-15990 Yeah I find it really stunning that the lady you guys live with has been in a relationship with your mum, but you never knew what kind of a role she played. Did she ever take care of you or was she always in the background? I mean did she ever adopt a parneting role, or was it mostly your mum who did everything and was basically a 'single mum' in a relationship? It just blows my mind because if you're 16 now, that means they've been together for over 16 years and it wasn't even mentioned or encouraged that the 'other lady' would also be your parent? Anyway.... onto the grandma issue.... I say if it is likely to cause her a lot of pain then I might wait a few years. If she seems to have learned from the experience with your mum, then this might be her second opportunity to make the call. I guess telling a close family member you're gay means you have to weigh up a lot of good and bad factors. Ultimately it's your call. cheers Yeah I find it really stunning that the lady you guys live with has been in a relationship with your mum, but you never knew what kind of a role she played. Did she ever take care of you or was she always in the background? I mean did she ever adopt a parneting role, or was it mostly your mum who did everything and was basically a ‘single mum’ in a relationship? It just blows my mind because if you’re 16 now, that means they’ve been together for over 16 years and it wasn’t even mentioned or encouraged that the ‘other lady’ would also be your parent?

Anyway…. onto the grandma issue…. I say if it is likely to cause her a lot of pain then I might wait a few years. If she seems to have learned from the experience with your mum, then this might be her second opportunity to make the call. I guess telling a close family member you’re gay means you have to weigh up a lot of good and bad factors. Ultimately it’s your call.

cheers

]]> By: goldfinger http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2008/08/19/a-great-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-15978 goldfinger Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:42:45 +0000 http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/?p=491#comment-15978 Hi Chippy, The thing that I'm kind of stunned about is that your mother and her partner seem to have decided to have you and your brother together, as a couple, and yet you haven't been raised to think of them both as parents. That she is 'the lady we live with' and not your mother. It sounds like you (with your relaxed attitude, girlfriends at a young age, eagerness to tell your grandmother etc) are more comfortable with your sexuality than your moms. But on to the grandma issue. This is a difficult question to answer because, on the one hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sexuality, and if they have a problem with it, it is because of their outdated and closed minded thinking. However, it sounds like they aren't so gay friendly, so they might well have a problem dealing with it. This will be compounded by the attitude that so many older people have that you're "too young to know". Even though you know what you feel now, you would certainly be able to command more respect for your convictions at a slightly older age. IF you came out to them now, I would have a huge amount of respect for you, but to be honest, if it were me, I'd wait a few years. My main advice is this: There is someone you can get advice from who knows the situation a lot better than us lot. Your mom. This is another thing that she's been through, and it sounds like she's reaching out to support you through the difficult stuff in life (not shying away). She could help you with this decision because she has dealt with the same thing with the same people. Plus, talking to her about gay issues might help her relax about sharing her own relationship with you. Hi Chippy,

The thing that I’m kind of stunned about is that your mother and her partner seem to have decided to have you and your brother together, as a couple, and yet you haven’t been raised to think of them both as parents. That she is ‘the lady we live with’ and not your mother.
It sounds like you (with your relaxed attitude, girlfriends at a young age, eagerness to tell your grandmother etc) are more comfortable with your sexuality than your moms.

But on to the grandma issue. This is a difficult question to answer because, on the one hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sexuality, and if they have a problem with it, it is because of their outdated and closed minded thinking. However, it sounds like they aren’t so gay friendly, so they might well have a problem dealing with it. This will be compounded by the attitude that so many older people have that you’re “too young to know”. Even though you know what you feel now, you would certainly be able to command more respect for your convictions at a slightly older age.
IF you came out to them now, I would have a huge amount of respect for you, but to be honest, if it were me, I’d wait a few years.
My main advice is this: There is someone you can get advice from who knows the situation a lot better than us lot. Your mom. This is another thing that she’s been through, and it sounds like she’s reaching out to support you through the difficult stuff in life (not shying away). She could help you with this decision because she has dealt with the same thing with the same people. Plus, talking to her about gay issues might help her relax about sharing her own relationship with you.

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