My Story

So this is my story… when I started to feel like I was “different” I was in 10th grade… I am now out of school and I’m 18. I never really thought anything about it. I just thought that it was normal and that every girl goes through it. (To me everyone is bi at one time in there life… and then if the feelings get stronger that’s when they become lesbian or gay.) But then 11th grade happened…

I met this really amazing chick. She was down to earth and didn’t really care what people thought of her. I never thought she was good looking or even my type at all. We were just friends. But one night on the phone she asked me what I thought of her. I was really confused and didn’t know what she meant. She asked me if I have ever wanted to kiss her. I told her that there were some times that I wanted to. And she said well I want to kiss you all the time. I asked her if she was gay and she told me that she didn’t know because she has never had feelings for a girl like this before. I told her that I wasn’t gay but if she wanted to kiss me I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

So the next time she was over we were in my room. And I had a candle lit and the lights off and she was sitting on my bed and I was standing in between her legs and I went for it. I kissed her. And then stuff happened from there.

It is weird though. Because I never thought before then that I was gay. And even after the fact I still told myself no that I wasn’t. So I dated guys after that and she did her own thing and dated guys but we always ended up back together doing stuff. We were never a couple, just sex buddies I guess you could say.

We stopped talking for awhile and then one night I started texting her again and asked her about life and who she was with and she told me she liked this girl and she went to our school. So the next day I told her to show me this girl that she liked. (Oh my god she was so beautiful). I was shocked! Ha ha so that night I told my sister about me and that I was gay and she was cool with it.

And then I went and told my mom… I told her that it was bad news for her and that in the bible it would mean I would go to hell. First thing that came out of her mouth was did you have sex, get pregnant and then get rid of the baby. Ha ha I was like no that’s not it at all but thanks for calling me a heartless slut. Ha ha (joking around).

We sat there for a long time and she said just say it. I can’t take it anymore… and I told her it had to do with different colors. And she looked at me like I was losing my mind. Ha ha I told her it had to do with gender. She looked at me crazy again and said… you’re not telling me what I think you’re telling me are you? I said I didn’t know because I didn’t know what she was thinking.

She goes: are you telling me you’re gay?

I told her yeah… and then asked her to please not to tell my dad because I needed more time before I could tell him. The next thing I know is my mom is in tears yelling for my dad. Here I am freaking out not ready to do all of this. And then he came in. I couldn’t even look at him.

He asked me why I thought I was this way. And I told him it wasn’t a thought at all and that it was my feelings and that there was nothing that anyone could do to change it. He said he was very disappointed. (I hate when I let someone down… but to have it be my parents makes it ten times worse) but on top of that he said if he could change one thing in life. That it wouldn’t be money and that it would be for me to be “normal”. I told him that he can say what he wants to make me feel less wanted but it wasn’t going to change how I feel inside. So he stopped trying to bring me down.

That was in February. And it is now… August. Ha ha and the girl that I said was beautiful is now my girlfriend… yeah that was a lot of drama… and the first girl I kissed I don’t talk to anymore. So yeah.

My parents are cool now about everything… my brothers took it the worst, they both screamed in my face saying that, that wasn’t how I was brought up and that its my choice and that God didn’t make me this way. And I told them that it’s a feeling that I can’t just let go of. I can’t be something I’m not just to make other people happy. And that’s what everyone here should do too. Don’t say you’re straight when you know deep down that you are gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay. And I’m not just saying that because I am. Really there isn’t anything wrong with you. You are like everyone else on earth. And if you feel like no one is going to love you if you come out and you feel like you have no one to turn to… you have me. I may not know you but I will always try to give you the best advice that I know…

Oh yeah, ha ha I almost forgot the rest of the story. My mom ended up telling my whole family without asking or telling me first… but it was cool. I mean my family asked questions but they don’t love me any less… it was hard to come out at first but now I look back and I’m really glad that I did… because that was a weight off of me… and I was getting really down and in the dumps but once I told them it seemed like everything got better…. maybe not at first but now it is…

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