Do You Need Proof?
This is my second post on this site, and I first want to remark on how much this site kicks butt, and how wonderful all of you are that take the time to respond! Secondly, I have already voiced my bisexual and possible lesbian status to my sister, and have recently told my mother. She is a very open person, her aunt is gay, and she grew up with her, so it’s a lifestyle that she is used to and comfortable with. This is not what concerns me.
The other day I was talking to her about what she thinks the rest of my family would say if they knew. The standard: “they just want you to be happy remark” was said, and the conversation was going well. Then it got interesting.
I haven’t been in many romantic relationships in my life. One real one to be exact, with a male with whom I have had sex (that didn’t turn out well, haha). I have never been with a female, let alone kissed one. My mother told me not to say that I was gay or even bisexual until I knew for sure, and had been in a relationship with a woman that meant something to me to know. I wasn’t sure how to take that comment. On one hand, it makes complete sense. On the other hand, something inside of me knows that being with a woman is right; it feels like the right path, even if I haven’t been with one yet.
It has been 2 years since I came to the realization that women bring me on emotional and physical rollercoaster rides. I find myself drooling over them, and feeling intense emotional attachments that I haven’t gotten with men. When I think about being with someone, I imagine a woman sitting on my lap, and me holding her, etc. Are my feelings enough to know for sure, or do I need the relationship as somewhat “proof” of my status.
I have no problem saying that I am in a confused state, I have never been one for labels, and I don’t need them. But I also feel like I am denying a part of myself by not openly expressing my journey to my family and friends. Is proof as important as it seems?
Thanks for your time!
Haley
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. About your experience i think...
A lot of people say that you don’t know if you’re gay until you’ve had an experience with the same sex. I can see where they’re coming from, but it’s not true.
I’ve had this a couple of times myself and I’ve never been with a person of the same sex either. I’ve fallen in love with one, I’ve lusted over one, I find females attractive, it doesn’t make it any less real because I’ve never been with one.
Imagine if the situation was reversed: ask a person do they have to sleep with a person of the opposite sex to know they’re straight. They might get offended. People have said to me that’s completely different, but it’s not. They just think it is because heterosexuality is considered the “norm”.
Go with your gut. I think in your heart you know who you truly are.
I agree that you can be certain of your sexuality without being with a woman. A lot of people don’t agree with that, especially if they aren’t totally comfortable with the idea in the first place. So I think that what your mom is saying to you is that while the proof may not be important to you, it will be to them. If you haven’t proved it to them, they might not take it as seriously, and you could wind up feeling hurt if they dismiss your journey.
I have to say I agree with not needing to be in a relationship with a woman to know whether you were gay or not. I figured it out for sure while watching a movie with a friend. It just hit me like a train… I knew I was supposed to be with women and suddenly all of my confusion with guys in high school, as well as my confusion with girls, made sense… I was a lesbian and there were no two ways about it. I didn’t sleep with a woman until nearly a year after that, but I knew I was a lesbian without a doubt in my mind.
It sounds like your mom is trying to make sure you don’t hurt yourself by closing yourself off. I think she feels she is just looking out for you.
I was in the same boat not ,to long ago. You don’t have to be in a relationship with a woman to know that is truly what you want.
I don’t think that you have to be with a woman to know if you’re gay or not. I have never been with a woman and I definately like women. You are lucky to have a mom who supports you because I can never tell my mom that I am bi because I fear that she can never understand…and its not like this is my fault…I was born that way!!!
No ‘proof’ needed! No one needs any proof to say he or she is heterosexual. Neither do you to know in your heart that you love women.
Only when soemone is confused about being bisexual or not, it can help them find out whether they are really into girls or just bicurious.