Not Enough Sex

I would see a threapist …me and my ex girlfriend had the same probelm…and well I felt like she wasn’t attracted to me and that’s why we would go months without sex…if u don’t want to do a therapist then try to do things that get her in the mood …walk around in your sexist underwear …LOL stuff like that …just know that sex , although it shouldn’t be is a big part of a relationship…

The above comment is true, see a therapist, i don’t think it will be much of a problem if you two did, it would help ya guys. Did you talk to your girlfriend about what she fears about sex and her reasons why she isn’t ‘into it’?
It’s not all about you, you gotta think about how she feels when it comes to sex, some people don’t need sex to be happy and have a full relationship, but it is…well, “recommneded-ish”… I think. I’m not into sex all that much either, (i’m young, I don’t need to worry about THAT yet) anyways… You should adress her feelings first, put Her before you, then see what you guys could do to fix it, ’cause it can be fixed.
Well, I’m not completely sure what you should do if this problem proceeds to get worse other than getting better. sorry to here this, it sucks. And those fantasies are only coming to your mind with other people in play because you’re not satisfied, your sexual desires (i should say) aren’t being fulfilled by the one with and/or in love with, so you think of others doing it for you (in the fanatasies obviously), just DON’T act on them at all, cheating is bad, (no no), you really should talk to her about those fantasies too, then consult a therapist or something. I really hope I helped you, I hate to see a good relationship fall because of something like this. =[
All Luck to you, Hun<3
Loves, Ro.

I also agree that therapy would possibly be helpful. You said you think it might make it worse. Why is that? Are there things that might come up that you don’t want to talk about? If this is the case, this is a problem.

I think a really important question that would give you some answers is has she always been like this in relationships. If she never really wanted sex with anyone, it’s just her personality. If she had it a lot more with past relationships, there’s something wrong in your relationship. Of course, she might not answer this question honestly. Again, therapy would be helpful because she may be encouraged to answer more honestly.

The sad thing is that it just might not work out. I know the romantic ideal is that everything should just be about love and sex is only a secondary, or even tertiary, concern. But that’s not the case. It is a huge factor in relationships, and if sex drives or desires don’t match, the relationship may not be able to handle it.

Can I be honest with you? I’m the same way, sexual and my ex wasn’t. I tried to give her space, let our relationship develop… but sex is the first sign of attraction. And if the sex isn’t there, you deserve to be satisfied. What I’m saying sounds so selfish, but you’re only being fair to yourself and her to not continue in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy in every way. Don’t settle. Don’t think “they’re worth it”. If you’re not happy, you’ll only make her unhappy, and thats not fair to neither of you.
Trust, I only tell you this from the most painful experience of my entire life… try to look for other signs. Is she going out more than usual? Is she connecting with old friends (and potential lovers)? Is she pulling away? Do you feel like something’s missing? If any of these are the case, in conjunction with the sex issue, then re-think you honest happiness in the relationship, and what you guess-timate her honest happiness.
I really hope it all works out for the best….

If she doesn’t want to have sex on a fairly regular basis, then something IS wrong. I started to pull away from my ex, sexually, when I was starting to become unhappy in the relationship. For the first year we had a totally solid sex life, then once I started to find problems with her, I stopped wanting to have sex. It took me until after we broke up to realize this.
Relationships are “comfortable”, even if both parties aren’t 100% happy. So be careful that you aren’t being duped, even if it is unintentionally.

well, honestly, i think everybody is into sex, maybe your partner is so busy that she forgets about it or her time is really not that enough..if you dont mind, who is the “guy” in your relationship?

Hello,
I just saw your post and although this is a bit late, perhaps it may help.
I wanted to comment because I was in a very similar situation with my ex boyfriend (which may or may not make a big difference because he is a guy) but I was in your girlfriend’s position. Same story as yours: about 2.5 years together, sex was great at first then drastically died on my part and created a lot of tension. I can’t speak for your girl but it certainly upset me a lot. Not only because our sex drives weren’t compatible and so made things very awkward and frustrating but I also began to feel really guilty for not putting out as often as he wanted, which eventually made me inadvertenly resentful of him – thus leading to more problems.
You probably can’t help feeling insecure but I doubt it has anything to do with your abilities. It’s possible that she just naturally has a low sex drive but in my case, I also had a lot of underlying issues. Perhaps she does too? Have you guys talked about what else could be stifling her? Maybe she is more timid on the subject and not as comfortable?
Therapy might help but like you said, it could also call too much attention to one thing (or it can drag a lot of other issues out). But perhaps it’s worth a try – what does she think? Also, you guys seem to have good communication, would you ever think of having an open relationship for a bit? If neither of you are very jealous I think it could help take the burden off a bit (although you would have to be completely honest with each other). You would be less sexually frustrated and she wouldn’t feel as pressured (and even if you don’t bring it up at all now, it’s highly possible that it still lingers in her mind too). Btw, do you guys live together or see each other daily? If so, I think that might be a big part of it too (like the problem of so many married couples).
I agree that sex isn’t the most important thing but it is a big big part of a relationship. Not so much because you are satisfying each other, but because it brings a totally different kind of closeness and open-ness that is very meaningful. And if it isn’t resolved it will (almost inevitably) lead to a lot of other problems. I also agree that lack of it may stem from other factors, which doesn’t necessarily mean she’s tired of or unhappy with you but perhaps something is missing.
Well I’m not sure if this was helpful (certainly was long though!). I’m still confused with myself and my relationship. : ( I’m sure there’s an answer out there somewhere!

From what I understand (both from hearing about it and living it), it is totally normal for two people in a relationship to have different sex drives. If you’re together long enough, you may even switch, and your girlfriend will be a big horndog while you aren’t too into it. The important part is to not lose the intimacy or the sexuality in your relationship. When my girl and I have gone through this sort of thing, it has helped us a LOT to pay special attention to flirting with each other, going out on dates, and making out a LOT. If this doesn’t increase the frequency of sex, it will at least make you feel loved and wanted and like she’s totally into you still. From there, see if she’d be willing to work out a little agreement: If you want sex twice a day and she wants it once every other month, see if she’d be willing to… let’s say, kiss and touch you while you pleasure yourself a few times a week. You won’t become a mass murderer because your needs aren’t being met, and maybe she’ll be inspired and want sex more often. A lot of people see taking care of their own needs (either alone or with assistance or both) as some kind of failure or something they should be ashamed of, but it’s just an easy and fun way to bridge the gap between your sex drives.

I had the same problem before.. I was burned out.. and I did end up cheating on her.. try seducing her.. or something.. you could also try talking to her about it..