So Tired Of Life

believe me, I know that it’s so hard to let go when you have someone on your mind, and all you can think about is her, but there’s no chance that you’ll be together.

You have to let go.she made her choice when she married and you’re just going to get hurt if you can’t cut the tie to her and move on. It’s going to be hard, but be strong. If there are no other women in your small town just remember that it’s a big world -and that love is often also right round the corner but you cant see it. Just be open, and patient. Good luck honey

There are some internet sites where girls place personal ads. Like fling.com
Some are just after a good time(maybe what you need? ) but some are looking for something more meaningful.

Just take one day at a time. Its hard but you can make it. Turn to your friends. Dont worry bout no small town, if you need the help get it. You know they talk in big towns also. Keep your head up.

Take your friends up on the offer to go out-you should let yourself enjoy their company. focus on enriching the rest of your life. Put your energy into positive things about being alive and who you are; however small the chink of light!
Once you have put yourself in that place where you refuse to accept anything negative influencing you, and your own energies are more positive, you will be open to new experiences and find yourself on a new path-and love will come to you.
Peace, positivity, prosperity, pleasure.

I totally know what you are going through.. this had happened to me about 3 years ago. I bet you are at a point in your life where everything just hurts, nothing matters anymore…

Let me tell you something, you are right and wrong. For my case, for some reason.. I stuck it out.. I just didn’t do anything. I came to realize the most important thing in my life though, that life is life, and it cannot be changed. The only thing you can do is to perceive it the way you want to.

Here is what I mean, yeah you are right, there are many things that are painful in this world, it hurts, nothing really goes the way it is supposed to.. But that is the definition of life, that is what life is. You have to appreciate the fact that you are not the only one that goes through this kind of stuff, EVERYBODY DOES. Just different circumstances… That is the beauty of life in a way, that it is not like you are on Prozac, where everything feels flat, there is no feelings, no real happiness, or sadness.. Life is full of emotions whether that may be.. You can never feel happy, if you have never felt sad. You can never learn that it is horrible to walk out on somebody, if nobody has ever walked out on you.

Girl, you can never feel real love, if you have not been left miserable by it!!! If love hasn’t made you cry, smile, laugh, yell, listen…. These are all beautiful, even though some of them might feel very painful… Try to see that life is beautiful the way it is, with its ups and downs. That is what makes life, life.

I would say just step back, and try to see things from a bigger picture.. Try to appreciate life as it is. life is not perfect, it is actually quite imperfect. It is full of surprises, and different feelings… Goods and Bads, and I can assure you, you are not the only one. Everybody goes through this thing we call, living!!!

Best of Luck to You!!

ok, first of all.. you said in your post that you don’t want help. but i KNOW that you DO want help. partly because i’ve felt exactly like you before, and partly because you would not be posting things on this website if you didn’t want help.

EVERYONE is gonna be hurt and abandoned by someone they care about in some point in their life. and in a way it’s a good thing, because in the end it makes us stronger. this girl you had a relationship with… lets call her “sammy”. if sammy didn’t want you, she would NOT bother making all these attempts to sneak around with you in a matter of days before her wedding. i mean HELOOOO??!!! she’s obviously only marrying this man to please her family. but that doesn’t make it right. because of yall’s enviornment, i completely understand why yall kept your relationship in the closet. although, you deserve to be with someone who loves you SO MUCH that their not ashamed to tell people.. even if that means being hated. but you do know that the world is much MUCH bigger than the small town you live in right? girrlllllll do you know how many cool cities there are who don’t give a FUCK if your white, black, purple, gay, bi, straight, etc etc etc. For example.. Austin Texas. i know texas sounds like a really conservative hickish place.. and i’m sure a lot of it might be.. i think??? right??? i don’t really know because i live in austin. and austin’s one of the most accepting and crazy cities in the world! we even have our own logo “keep austin weird”. when i’m giving advice i normally don’t tell people to do things to the extent of what i’m about to say… but you need to GET THE HELL OUT of where you live. MOVE. get on with your life. trust me i’ve been in your EXACT shoes before. i was abandoned by a girl who i thought loved me, my grades were going down, blah blah blah. i was soo ready to give up on life. everything was going wrong. and i don’t know when exactly this happend… but all of a sudden one day, everything changed. people make mistakes… and sammy has made a huge one. but you are not responsible for paying for her mistake. by the time she comes to her senses (and trust me she will) you’ll have moved on and THAT.. is going to hurt her soo much more than she’s hurt you.
look if you want to talk more feel free to email me anytime. my email’s brandirae321@yahoo.com i love helping people. if you need someone i’ll be here. I CARE. good luck hun,

-Brandi

I read your post and I have thought about what to say to it. You said that you don’t want to talk to a shrink bacause people will talk. You can also go to you Dr. and talk to her. I work in the medical field and you sound so depressed. Go to the next town if you need to but please get help it is so worth moving forward.

No, you shouldn’t keep in touch with her at all. Remember, I’ve been through the same sort of thing, and it was hard enough forgetting about her when i wasn’t keeping in touch with her. i can’t even imagine how hard it would have been to try and forget about her if i would have kept in touch with her. it would have been impossible! i know that you think you’ll never have another relationship, and that you’ll never move on… but trust me… YOU WILL. take it from someone who’s been there. Don’t degrade yourself like this. it’s stupid to put your life on hold just so she can have a back up plan incase her new relationship with her husband doesn’t work out. although it’s obvious she has feelings for you, she’s also USING YOU. and controlling you. and that’s not right. have you ever heard the saying “if you love something, let it go. if it comes back, it’s yours. if it doesn’t.. it never was”? that’s what you need to do. although your not gonna stop caring about her right away, you at least need to stop SHOWING that you care for a while. stop talking to her and “pretend” you don’t care. if she chases you, she’s worth it. if she doesn’t… she never was. i actually have to go right now but yes, email me. I WANT YOU TO. i want to help you get through this

It is the hardest thing in the world, but it is better for you if you break contact with her. If you stay in touch with her, it will only make you feel more depressed, and worse, you won’t be able to move on (although you probably don’t believe you ever will, anyway. Believe me: you will). You will. If you don’t have any strength left in you, ask your friends for help, go to a therapist, make others work for you. In the end you will find a little bit of strength to start coping. Once you’re there, you’ll recover. Please don’t give up, you’re worth a beautiful life!

Sophie stole the words straight from my mouth… You may not feel strong at the moment, and when you do build up the courage to stop contacting her, you may not feel an immediate weight lifted from your shoulders, but eventually it will come!!
When you’ve reached that point you’ll look back and realise you’ve never been happier!!

The reason we have optimism is more than likely that everyone of us has at some point in time felt like you in some way. Me and my girlfriend broke up in March after a year of what i can only now call troubled love. We were never meant to be more than friends but pursued a relationship anyway. I cried for weeks on end when we split, for not only losing her love, but for importantly losing her friendship. Deep down i knew it was wrong just like her and that although it was ridiculously hard to walk away i had to!! She’s still in my heart and i do sit and wonder sometimes, but i know that it was the right thing to do!
You need to let go for your own life to develop and get greater…you’ll always have her in your heart, but it will be because there is no room for her in your head!!

Dear Tired,

Hang in there mate. You need to understand that the reason why they are shielding you from their daughter is because they are petrified that she will turn out gay, and they deep down know she is - otherwise they wouldn’t be making such an effort. If they were sure of their daughter’s ’straightness’, they wouldn’t care if her gay friends were hanging around her that much or trying to continue a relationship. It probably shows that they are really delaying the inevitable. Even if she does enter into a relationship with this guy, that is her journey to make mate. That will be her path to follow.

Unfortunately break-ups (esp ones like this are the hardest things in the world to get over). But like everything, there is a silver lining - you will learn to find your own path in life and along the way you will meet someone fantastic who is not only cool with herself, but will have a family that accepts you too. Many times people have horrible experiences and it sucks, but when someone fantastic comes along they will appreciate it more.

I know you feel really down now, but be patient and be good yourself.. it will take time for the pain to heal and the path to open up. It took me years before I finally got over my ex… I still think about her sometimes, but it wasn’t even having a girlfriend who was better that made me get over it - it was finding my own happiness by doing the things that really made me want to get up in life, and having fantastic friends showed me that these are the people I want to spend my time and energy around. Life is full of great people and there are plenty of fantastic girls out there, but you have to be kind to yourself and be cool with who you are and where you are going to take the opportunities. If you have a high level of respect you’ll know to find someone who is ok with who they are and have a family that support you, or you will find someone who is not unavailable and in a relationship. The choices you make with other people (be it your friends or lovers) are partly a reflection of how you want to treat yourself. Which brings me to my final point:

Write your ex’s number in a hard-copy address book and DELETE IT FROM YOUR CELL PHONE!!!! Delete all numbers you can contact her on and don’t call her. Sounds harsh? Well, really it comes back to how you want to treat yourself. If you want to continue torturing yourself and re-opening the wounds, then you’ll do that best by continuing contact, but remember that is just a distraction and delay from you having to stand on your own two feet and battling the demons on your own. It is the harder path, but it will be the one that will give you the best chance of finding happiness in yourself and move forward. I would probably not even continue contact, even if she wanted to contact me unless she has disentangled herself from her boyfriend and her family - any other situation only spells trouble for you. So I just feel that it is better to not have any contact at all and start looking at your own journey.

Rachy is right - we are all optimistic because we have all been there before. But it requires a lot of soul searching to get to that point and you’ll make a lot of mistakes along the way. Hang in there. Chin up. Go out with your friends and make the focus you and not your ex or some other girl who will only temporarily hide the pain..

huggs.

PS: You don’t need to look at your future or try to see any light - life is about living for today mate. Look at what you want to do with your life, what makes you happy. If you needed a girl to create a future, then I am sorry to say this, but I think the universe did you a favor by forcing you to look yourself and your own path. You shouldn’t have to make another person your entire future. Even if you were always meant to be together, it is about making them a part of your future, not your ENTIRE future. They have the saying, ‘Rome wasn’t built overnight’.

Well, that goes for anything that is worth fighting for - you are never going to see the light from the beginning of the tunnel, or the valley from the bottom of the hill. You have to make the first step, or climb that first ridge. Once you do that, each step or climb will be easier and you will learn to navigate through the darkness or terrain with ease - you’ll get used to being by yourself and finding what makes you happy… and then all of a sudden…. you will get to a juncture where you see your direction/light and then you’ll know that that was what you were fighting for all the time.

Well, I am also a lesbian and my family is very strict at the point they don’t know, and I still belive in God and love Him, and I know He can change your life, but He will not come in your life without you letting Him. Letting Him in is something you do through preying and reading the Bible. People will say: This is a fuckin’ lie, but He saved my mother’s life, she tried to commit suicide just like you, she drank more than 20 medicine for heart pression, and on that day her boyfriend who was in a farm said he fell like going back to see her, he did and my mother was saved, he didn’t go back like, uou I am tired of working, we always stay at farm until 11pm. He said and we belive that God touch his heart. But I ain’t pushing you into my belif, I am just saying that He can change your life for the better. Oh yeah, do you belive in yourself? If you do, please start fighting again, you belive that you are gay and want to find a good match, you will if you keep on searching. Are you already in age of working? Do you think you can find a job in another city? If you do, move, you need it. Don’t look back. Ok, call your family from time to time, but don’t just give up. You will find someone that is just right fo you. But I don’t belive in myself because I have no potential, you can say that, but you have one, but you don’t notice it yet. Restart going out with your friends, start doing gym, and find another job, you will see that when you get there you will say: I am happy to be alive. At least, I said it after the time I had just recuperate of depression. Ask your friends for help.