Should I Tell Her?
Hello everybody,
I am an international student who has been in the States for 3 years now, so pardon my English if you can. I am 18 years old but totally inexperienced with any serious relationship. I’ve know I am a lesbian since I was 12 or so and had a hard time accepting it. I also had a long history of crushes and it hurts a lot that I was not able to have the nerve to tell them.
I live with a bunch of cross country girls this summer and I fell hard for one of my roommates. She is older and just so sweet; she would laugh with me, go grocery shopping with me and every time I made her laugh my heart throbbed. It always seems to me that I fall for straight girls and this one does not seem to be an exception but the fact that I got to do most the things with her just survived my hope of being with her. I moved out a couple of weeks ago and I’m thinking of telling her that I have a crush (or even more than that) on her. I was so sure I was going to tell her when i saw her yesterday since I know she is okay with gay people although she doesn’t know I’m gay. I was not able to do it yesterday. I got down to saying I need to tell you something and then just not able to tell looking into her hazel eyes.
It seems like I’m holding on our friendship too much. She tried to convince me to tell her but I kept myself shutting up for the rest of the night. We were at my dorm and before she said goodbye to me, she asked me if it was something about sickness or that I’m dying because I was sad when I listened to a movie theme when the main character died. I know I’m being detailed here but hear me out. I hugged her and just want to spit the words out but at the same time embrace her worry for me and just enjoy it.
So what do you guys think? Should I tell her the next time I see her or should I just chicken out again knowing we can’t be together since she’s straight. I guess I’m asking whether there is hope here or not.
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My guess is that she is probably straight…. but you don’t have to tell her you have a crush on her… you don’t even have to go that far and risk freaking her out. Why don’t you just tell her you’re gay and she how she handles that first? If she starts acting differently to you after the news, then you will know how to proceed. i.e. if you sense she is pulling away, then she is obviously either trying not to give you and signs that she is gay, or is not cool with it and may need time to work it out. If she starts getting more ‘friendlier’ and gives you the ‘moment look’ like she is wanting something to happen, then she is probably going to go and bat for you. If she acts the same and nothing has changed, chances are that nothing will change in the future and that she either is straight or gay and not interested.
good luck.
Hey kiddo,
There’s always hope. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be cautious. No use screwing up a fantastic friendship without a little bit of feeling around first. My recommendation would be to do exactly what CityWalker said (she’s ever so wise) and come out to her first before even attempting to broach your feelings. It’s a good strategy to have.
I wish you the best of luck, and remember, chin up. There’s always a chance.
~Alisa
I agree with CityWalker and Alisa. It is exactly how my girl conquered me. I always thought I was straight, but when she told me she was a lesbian, I started thinking about us and what could happen…
exactly. i told someone who was my BEST friend who was even cool with me being gay that i liked her and now she doesnt even talk to me and it sucks. so you have to be careful.
You do need to be careful about how you go about it. Honesty is the best policy, however like Citywalker and Alisa suggest easing her in to the situation may work best.
Last year one of my friends gave up her engagement to a lovely man for another of my lesbian friends. We were very unsure of the situation our friends were in to begin with,but they are still together now, and i’ve never seen either of them happier. It just shows that sometimes all you need to do is open up and you never know who comes your way.