I Don’t Know What To Do Anymore…
Okay, here’s my situation. I started dating this girl back in December 2006, and I was with her for a year. Well, while we were together, it was clear that she and her ex-girlfriend were still totally obsessed with each other, and we came close to breaking up because of it after two months. Five months into the relationship, she cheated on me with another girl. I was completely crushed by it, but I didn’t say anything, I just pretended to be oblivious and act like nothing was wrong. Well, that sure as hell didn’t help the situation. It got so bad that I attempted suicide by trying to strangle myself with a belt, and I cried myself to sleep every night. after seven months I had enough, so we broke up and I basically shut her out of my life for six months, I wouldn’t answer her calls, I stopped checking my email and wouldn’t make any contact with her.
Eventually I got sick of being pissed off at her and decided to talk to her again. Well, we ended up hooking up and got back together. There’s just one problem: she’s still with the girl that she cheated on me with. She swore up and down that she wasn’t before we got back together, but it’s really obvious. And they’re living together too. I feel horrible, because the girl that she cheated on me with is actually a really awesome person and doesn’t deserve to be lied to like this. I feel even worse because my girlfriend has told me that she wants to marry me and that she’s never loved anyone as much as she loves me. And I mean, I love her too, but I’m feeling really guilty about all of this. I also hate the fact that she tries to make me feel guilty for hanging out with my friends, and she constantly accuses me of screwing around with them, which I would never do. I don’t see my friends nearly as much as I used to just because I don’t want to argue with her about it.
The other night, she got mad at me because of a comment one of my friends left on my MySpace, and then when we were arguing about it, she told me that while I wasn’t talking to her she slept with her ex (the one that she was obsessed with). I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to fight, but I’ve been really pissed off for the past few days. And every time she gets pissed off at me for hanging out with my friends or anything like that she tells me that it’s because “she’s afraid she’ll lose me again”. I really just want to get out of this, I miss my friends and my freedom and I feel trapped. I just don’t know what to do, because if we break up I know I can’t be “just friends” with her, and I don’t want to go back to not speaking to her.
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hug
This girl sounds like a manipulative pathological liar, and I have no idea why you even wanted to resume contact with her… relationships are not just about love – they are also about respect too. Why would you even buy that crap that she wants to marry you? Even if she did, what kind of a marriage would it be anyway? One where she manipulates you into not seeing your friends and cheats on you etc. Will this other girl live with you guys when this supposed marriage takes place? I don’t think so…Who does she think she is anyway getting angry at you over what your friend wrote on your myspace page? Are you guys in High School or something?
The story on the wall, as I read it is as follows: She is playing you like a puppet. She is acting like a controlling obsessive girlfriend, only that you are not her girlfriend. The other girl is the one in the relationship with her and if she found out what her partner was doing, then she would be ditching this girl too (if she had common sense).
I say end all contact with her and do it not because you are trying to hurt yourself or feel like you can’t survive anymore, but because you want a better life for yourself and will actively seek a better experience. Wouldn’t you rather be alone and have amazing friends then put up with this BS? You say you’re trapped, but really the choice is clear and if you stay with this girl then the only person who is doing the ‘trapping’ is you upon yourself. Follow your heart, but don’t be brainless about it, and staying with her is brainless.
I think that you really shouldn’t take so much of the blame for this on yourself. I know it’s hard to not ever talk to her but the truth is that it’s her fault that it has to come to this. She’s used and abused not just you, but her ex as well and I think that the only option left is to sever the relationship entirely. If she cared about you as much as she says she does, she wouldn’t put you through this shit. for that same reason, you have no reason to feel guilty for never speaking to her again. Finally, she wants to eat her cake and have it – which makes her a very selfish person. This means that no matter what, she will never change and she will always hurt you and hurt anyone that she’s with. Get out while you can.
“I just don’t know what to do, because if we break up I know I can’t be “just friends” with her, and I don’t want to go back to not speaking to her”. I can fully understand it because i’ve gone the same just a few months ago, but with a big difference. She didn’t lie to me and she was sleeping with the “other one” because i couldn’t decide to marry her. Your situation is a lot different. I agree with the other 2 comments. She is using you, I don’t believe that she loves ou as much as you love her and I’m afraid that even if you marry her she will continue to cheat on you.
Sorry ZompieParts but I believe that there is only one way for your relationship. Sooner or later you are going to break up. And, believe me, I know how much this hurts!
yeah, i don’t think i’ll really be broken up over it if we split though. i knew it was a mistake getting back with her in the first place, but the reason i can’t be “just friends” with her is because i’m so physically attracted to her, and i’m a sucker for sweet talkers (and she knows how to sweet talk me well). i actually really want to break it off, but the only thing holding me back is that i’m afraid she’ll try to guilt trip me out of it. i don’t know though, i think i’m going to try to end it soon anyway, i’m tired of being pissed off, keeping my mouth shut about everything and putting my energy into something i don’t even really want. i just have to keep myself from feeling bad about it. because you’re all right, she is using me, and obviously she doesn’t love me that much if she can’t even tell me the truth. anyway, thanks for your input guys, i really appreciate it n_n
Wow! You really need to drop this girl like a bad habit… I know it’s hard and its often difficult to see from the outside, as you’re caught up in the middle of things. However, this girl is out playing the field and in the long run you’ll never find happiness with her. Kick her to the curb and get back to hanging out with your friends. Things will work out as they should, you’ll see
Here’s what I recommend to anybody going through what you’re going through: dump her already!
seriously..move on with your life..when someone cheats on you, that should be the end of the relationship. No questions asked..
the whole thing about how she might guilt trip you . . the thing is, she is not going to ‘approve’ of your decision. What she wants is to keep you in a web of manipulation.
When you are breaking up, you are saying you want out. You can’t always expect the other person to endorse that.
Really it doesn’t MATTER what she thinks about it. You need to protect yourself no matter what she thinks. It is really important to let go of needing to please her or needing her approval. Your job is to treat yourself and others with respect. Some people don’t like that. It’s just the way it is . . doesn’t change anything about what your job is.