Out Of The Closet: Ulla (South Africa)
I was about 21-ish, I think. I’d left South Africa for the UK with a long list of questions I needed answers for, including, since I was pretty sure I was gay – how the hell was I going to go about getting confirmation? Since everyday life never seemed to bring me an opportunity to sleep with a woman, I decided that a personal ad in London’s Time Out magazine was the way to go. I kept that ad for ages, wish I still had it. I said something about red wine and good conversation and intelligence and humour. It was a good investment, that ad … kept me in friends, lovers, admirers and stalkers for years. But that, as they say, is another story; quite a few other stories in fact. It brought me my first four month relationship with a woman. She was a few years younger than me, 6′ tall and a biker, with a pierced nose and an interesting hairstyle. I never told her I was a virgin.
A little while into the relationship and with the zeal of the newly-converted, I decided it was Time To Tell My Mother. Considering I pride myself on my honestly, I have to wonder why, at that stage, I needed to phone mother, 6000 miles away, but not tell anyone in the actual geographical area around me, when I’d already been there a year or so. Anyway, at the time I was also quite an accomplished drinker, so I travelled rather far down a bottle of Stolichnaya (they’re not sponsoring this story) fresh from the freezer, and dialed South Africa. I was drunk. When I’m drunk I’m excessively cheerful and I merrily said to my poor mother, “I’ve got something to tell you!” She asked what and I sniggered and told her to guess. She got it in two. First she asked if I was pregnant and then, over the sound of my guffaws, whether I was a lesbian. It was a sobering moment and I just said yes. We spoke for a a short while afterwards and she impressed me by asking whether I had my own closet and if it was pink.
Apparently she cried a bit and spoke to my stepsister, who reassured her that I was still me and so forth. Apparently she surprised herself by suddenly and for the first time ever, being sorry that I might not have children (at 38 I still don’t and am sure I won’t). She was cool though and remains fairly cool, although too much talk of sexuality irritates her badly and we’ve had some heated debates about just why gay people have to be so “in your face” about it.
After that, my boss sussed me out, told friends she thought I was gay and eventually the job became untenable and I resigned. I was young and outraged and marched and bought t-shirts and proceeded to wrestle myself into my new identity with mostly positive results and reactions. I think in many ways it made me; it certainly gave me confidence.
I was thrilled when TLQ emailed about this project, as I’ve been collecting coming out stories too.
Comments
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
[...] Comments Out Of The Closet: U… on Do the Interviewbentcrude on CoreyComing Out Interview… on Do [...]
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
I’m a fellow South African who decided to explore the USA for answers… and found some interesting feed back. I just recently came out to my parents back home after living an amazingly outed life here in the states for about a year and 2 months now. Being totally accepted and appreciated in my new found world inspired me to come out to basically everyone and they have loved me, never judged me as being myself. Until one day i mindlessly discovered the courage to tell my folks who i knew would have a few OMG moments… but never expected the worst possible reactions imaginable that i received! They have pledged to disown me as soon as i return back home which is in a few months. I have no idea how to take this or how to move on from here. My gorgeous girlfriend is back home in South America with her family and friends, where she has been rejected by most as well. We are struggling for answers and inspiration. All we ever want in this life is to be together in love and life… but the odds are stacked against us and the obstacles that have surfaced are mind blowing. Do you have any advise?
Me and my girlfriend been together for more than three years now,,we have struggled alot since we started our relationship as couple..my parents disowned me as their daughter,as their prodigal daugther, black sheep of the family..but im telling you guys its all ironically, i studied in very religious and very strict school. i strived very hard with many endeavors,,my girlfriend courted me but i hardly refused her..ive never been known her before besides she was not my typical girl i wanted..but as days passby..i fell in love with her, and tried her offer(our contract is just one month)..i cant hardly resist her the way we make love. i became an addict, bcoz shes like a drug i couldnt tolerate her love,
all i wanted is she has something that can inspired in her studies..I have learned i have love her not because shes the perfect match but of her “imperfections”.But then again the world is against us. TATU songs inspired though they just lying..
So we move in another city where nobody knows us, i stop my schooling and find a new job instead..she on the other hand continues hers(her parents didnt know about us, they are in abroad). It was hard to manage everything but i quickly adjusted to our situations..Needs to take of the rent, bills, alowances.everything..
There was the time I felt alone..very cold and lonely..to think nobodys cared for me..until i wanted to cut my veins..but i was afraid..somehow the blood spilled on the floor made me feel better.(too bad, im a phlebotomist, one needle is enough to drain my blood from my body), that was just few things to mentions how i wanted to commit suicide…
I have little or no friends at all that time..Previous friends are hard to reach at this point of my life, except her.
I have overcome all of these..till now i havent talk to my parents, i cant.. its not the right time..til i have succeeded…
Currently my girlfriend and I managing a little business..
We subtly doing our moves..