Do You Think I Might Be A Lesbian?
Okay I’m REALLY confused and I have been thinking about this question for months, constantly, and I’m still stuck in the same spot!! I’m just hoping to get some good advice that can help me clear out my thoughts about this, because it’s all I am thinking about and it’s depressing me.
Okay here’s my story, I’m not really good at explaining, so bear with me! I’m 21… The main thing that has made me think about this is my closest best girlfriend. I sometimes think I might love her, I don’t know if it’s love love or just I’m so close to her that I feel like this. I got upset when she had a boyfriend, like jealous I guess. SO I’m thinking, wow wtf, AM I gay? And it made me happy when she was single. I have wanted to kiss her before too… Now the other side here is, I do not find women attractive, and I have never looked at a woman like that. (In general) I just couldn’t picture myself with a woman, I don’t know why. I can look at guys and think they are attractive though.
Here is another example. I had a few boyfriends in the past, and I didn’t like it when they kissed me, felt gross. Haha. Then, I just broke up with them because I just didn’t feel any emotional attraction to them. BUT there was ONE guy, who I think I REALLY liked, and I did like it when he kissed me, and I did get jealous when he had a girlfriend, and when I saw them kissing it REALLY hurt me.
What do you guys honestly think?
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
You could be a lesbian. You could be bi. But, it’s not my place to tell you who you are. Only you know. You have to really be honest with yourself and be open to accepting yourself if you hope to figure this out.
What I can tell you is that your story so far, sounds a lot like how I came to terms with my sexuality. I met a girl when I was 21, and we became friends. I had feeling for her, though initially I didn’t think of them as those types of feelings. I had a boyfriend at the time who I really liked too. When I realized my feeling for her were more than just friends, I didn’t find other women attractive and I didn’t even want to think about sex with a womam. I ended up taking a leap and telling the girl. We’ve been together ever since.
At first I thought, I was just attracted to her specifically, and I still didn’t find other women attractive. But as I settled into dating her, and became more honest with myself, I realized that I had had these feelings many times over. When I stopped denying that I could be attracted to women and stopped denying to myself who I am, I started seeing other women as attractive.
Because I did/do still find some men attractive, it was confusing to me for a long time. But I also carried around a lot of catholic guilt and shame about being gay, so that didn’t really help me to figure things out. What I realized in the end is that I’m lucky to have found someone to spend my life, an whether I’m gay or bi it doesn’t really matter.
It is not to say that will end up gay or even bi, but unless you are willing to be open to the possibility and take a leap, then you might not figure this out. Or you’ll keep living in denial and figure it out when you’re 30 and married with 2 kids and miserable. I hope that doesn’t happen, but I’ve seen that happen too many times.
Good Luck.
Hey…Zoe is right. Only you know what’s going on inside you. If you aren’t dating anyone right now, you might consider visiting a local lesbian bar and see how you feel in the environment. Go to a Pride event. Look online at lesbian websites. WATCH “The L Word” and see how you feel after several episodes.
What I found after waking up gay at the age of 40 was that I had been gay all my life, never had any exposure to the gay world, and yet still I knew but deined it. Once I realized my true inner self fit me like a glove, I went about asking lots of questions, like you are doing, and the best advice I got was to immerse myself in the community (to whatever extent is comfortable for you) and see whether it felt right. I did so, and found I’d “come home.”
So that’s my advice to you, dear young friend. Explore the community, get to know some women and talk with them. Go online and see where life takes you. You know who you are. It’s only a matter of looking deep enough and accepting what you find there.
Good luck!
I agree with the ladies . Only you know . You need to ask yourself what makes you attracted to her , like is it her eyes or is it because she understands what your going through . I’m not saying that just because she may understand doesn’t mean your gay I am just saying look at other girls and see if you are physically and mentally attracted to them . Then do the math or you could just be Bisexual . Do a checklist like which sex attracts you more or you feel more comfortable around . I hope I have helped you alittle .
Good Luck !
hey confused3419 and the rest of the ladies..i think your all correct but u are forgetting something…confused3419 also might experiencing the so- called “IDENTITY CRISIS” you really like ur best friend in otherway,might her traits(physical),plus she is envy of love and attention from her best friend, dont you think? because of their bondings, she dont want somebody be inbetween them(eg. boyfriend)..besides shes young..she need not to haste about feelings towards other women,time will answers the questions.
tell to ur bestfriend about ur feelings, she might help at least you released ur bearings inside and breath with ease.theres nothing to be afraid shes ur bestfriend anyway..
goodluck girl..