Am I On The Right Way? (2nd update by so_tired)
It’s strange, when I posted for the first time I didn’t really want to get help. I was totally disappointed. But now I feel much better, I’m trying to find myself, I don’t have thoughts of cutting myself with razors or harming myself (well, at least most of the time) and for several days I haven’t dreamed of “her”. Since my 2nd post I have tried MineralWater’s suggestion for cure through physical activity and it actually helped! Meanwhile I tried to make contact with a psychiatrist, but let’s take it from the beggining.
Firstly I’ve tried the physical activity cure. The truth is that while I was on a kind of physical activity I was thinking of her less time, but when I stopped she was there again. Some days ago I went to a birthday party and there were moments I wanted to break every glass in the bar and the next moment I was feeling my eyes flooding with tears! A mixture of anger and sadness on an extreme level. Also there was the other girl who asked me to get involved with her (I’ve mentioned her in my previous posts) and she was trying all the time to make me join their conversation because I was keeping to myself all the time.
One day I made it to visit a psychiatrist without anyone noticing it. I went to a nearby town to see a priest who is a psychiatrist, so my family thought that I was going to see a priest and they didn’t realize the truth. He told me that I am still a child in my mind, that I act like this because of my egoism; life is a beautiful gift etc. He also told me that I’m very depressed, full of angst, some kind of manic depressive and he gave me a list of actions to improve myself.
Is it getting better? Does anyone of you have any experience to suppose the end of this?
Thank you for the help you gave me. Maybe you have saved my life. I found out that the real friends are not always people you know and see and speak with, they can be people you’ll never meet, thousands of miles away! And they are YOU! I’m so grateful!
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
I have just posted on your first post, I guess you haven’t read that yet, good that you started phisycal activity (really don’t know how to write phi…) I hope you will do fine, hope for the best. ^^
Oh yeah, you are on the right way.
To tell you the truth I don’t know what is right or wrong, let just say that this is much much much better! ANd I am proud of you!
I am glad everyone’s comments have helped you. It’s quite apparent by the tone of your posts that you’re beginning to get a hold of the situation. Think of this as an uphill rollercoaster: there will be a few dips, but overall you’re emotional well-being is rising. We all handle heartbreak differently and it takes everyone different amounts of time to overcome it. Continue to talk to this psychiatrist/priest and don’t hesitate to write your feelings/thoughts on here.
Thank you everyone. evolution, be sure that I want to write my feelings/thoughts on here but sometimes I feel like I’m being too wearisome by posting again and again. I’m afraid of getting you tired of me and I don’t want that. The truth, though, is that I’m feeling a bit calm after more than a year! (Did I mention that this heartbrake isn’t a newly come story?). I’ve been (or maybe I’m still) so much depressed and sad and angry by this story for too long, until I’ve found this fabulous site. It’s a pity that I didn’t find it a year earlier or more.
Thank you again, all of you.
I really love you, you are great.
- so_tired
Great Job So_tired!!! I am really happy to hear this. Keep the physical activity up and talking to the priest/psychiatrist. Physical exercise is excellent for getting you back on track and moving in the right direction again. If the priest starts talking about how homosexuality is a sin or something however, then it maybe best to see someone else – but he sounds like he may not say anything like that (I am just cynical sorry). But you do sound more up beat in your posts. I am really happy for you and let us know how things progress!
Take care.
You see, it’s difficult to see the therapist on a regular basis because this will turn my family suspicious. I hope that I’ll be able to see him about once per month. He is not in my town, so I can’t just sneak up on him for a few minutes to see him. Anyway, I’ll still try to see him the most I can. He inspired a spark in my mind (after you of course).
If I’m not bothering you, I’ll keep you informed if something change on my case (I hope it goes better).
-so_tired