First Relationship

Hi, I’m T. and I’m 16 and I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Honestly boys don’t interest me that much and it doesn’t help that I go to an all girls school. I’ve always liked girls, when I was younger (this is something I’ve never told anyone) me and my neighbors used to play around with each other, fascinated with this new found word “sex”. I was introduced to it by my girl neighbor when we were only 7 or 8. We’d touch each other but never kiss. When I hit high school I was having these urges when girls I liked got too close to reach out and touch them, grab them and kiss them but I never followed up on these urges. I’ve always wanted a girl in my bed to make out with.

Then in the summer last year I became best friends with A. At first it wasn’t a physical attraction but I loved being around her. Everyday at school I’d kiss her cheek and feel terrible if I didn’t get the chance to. And then one day she came over to my dad’s house, and we were both in bed together and all I could think about was that she was with me under sheets. We didn’t do anything but I surely wanted to, it was then that I realized I had a physical attraction to her.

Then around February this year she asked me to kiss her before her birthday (her first kiss). Now I’ve never been kissed, not on the mouth at least. But I laughed off her question (although I wanted to) and brushed it off, cause to me she was joking. The weekend before her b-day she slept over. My mom had left us at home alone. We were sitting on the couch and she said “So are we going to do it now?” I hesitated as she crawled on top of me, her face more excited. I got over the queasiness and kissed her and she said “That’s it?” like it wasn’t enough, I felt bad so I pulled her down and stuck my tongue in her mouth. We kissed that whole night, and went to bed in each others arms; we were both each others first kiss.

The months after that followed the same pattern, we touched each other, kissed but that was it we were “friends with benefits” I guess. Then I confronted her about being my girlfriend, and she panicked, crying and saying its hard being committed and all that.

I kept asking but I didn’t want to force anything on her, I wanted to still be a good friend. Then in May she agreed to it and since then she’s been mine all mine. But it’s hard because our parents are clueless. And it’s weird always having to close the door so we can do stuff in my room. And I know our parents wouldn’t accept it, I’d die if they knew but I love her sooo much I think about her all the time. And she’s really cute! And I used to cut and she stopped all that, she makes me so happy!

And when she comes over it’s always so gentle, the kissing and the touching and the fondling and stuff. I really am in love with her and it sucks having to hide or sneak and do it. Like the last time she came over and we had undressed to our panties alone (no bra) and my mom called and I had to rush to put on clothes only to be questioned on why I took so long…

I feel bad hiding it but what else can I do?

And then I told my best guy friend figuring I could confide in him and he completely rejected me. Apparently he liked me but I thought I made it clear I wasn’t interested and he meant a lot to me, like a brother, you know. And I have no idea how to get him to be my friend again, any ideas?

---

The Lesbian Question | Powered by WordPress | ElegantBlue is a custom theme by Nathan Rice |

Bad Behavior has blocked 1652 access attempts in the last 7 days.