Dealing With These Feelings…
Hi everyone. I’m new on here, but I’ve stopped by before to read.
Anyway… I’ve been having a lot of mixed feelings lately about me and my boyfriend. I’ve been open about my bisexuality since I was 15 (I’m now 19), but I’ve never been in a relationship with another girl. I’ve kissed a few girls, but only a few meant anything to me, and it just wasn’t the right time. That aside, I’ve been dating a great guy for a year now, but my curiosity with women seems to only become stronger as time goes on, and I feel like its affecting my current relationship.
It keeps making me question: Am I just… a lesbian? As much as I love my boyfriend, it’s not the same spark I have with girls. My boyfriend knows and accepts my bisexuality, and doesn’t have weird feelings about it but… I don’t know. A couple weeks ago, my best friend (who is a girl) stayed the night with us. We’ve been friends since middle school, and she was the first girl I kissed. I’ve always had feelings for her, and she for me, but we’ve always both been so preoccupied with our crazy life issues, that neither of us had made a move. Until she stayed the night. We were all three (she, me, and the bf) sleeping in his bed, me and the middle. He fell asleep, and we stayed up talking. When we finally decided to sleep… we cuddled. She started rubbing my back (in a more than friendly way) and it basically turned me on more than I’ve ever been in my entire life. My heart was racing, and I wanted her like crazy. I’ve never felt any connection like that… I couldn’t stop myself. We kissed, fingered each other, and I felt good but guilty afterwards. I didn’t talk to him about it, and I don’t know how he might’ve felt.
It’s not even that I’d rather be with her. It’s just that I feel more sexually attracted to girls, and maybe mentally, I don’t know. I just don’t want to wake up 10 years from now and be like “Well, shit.”
I’m just feeling weird and unsure…
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
mm.. that is hard decision to make and a hard position to be in. Since you really haven’t had the chance to talk to this girl, maybe you should, but when you get the chance of course. Just so you can straighten things out between you two..to see if you both have true feelings for each other. And for your bf, well, you don’t want to keep secrets from him but you don’t want to put your relationship with him in jeapordy.
Take it easy and be honest. No worries, you’ll figure it out. Good luck!
Best wishes,
Little cc<3
You already know it based on that last line, “I just don’t want to wake up 10 years from now and be like ‘Well, shit.’” There is a part of you so curious that it will drive you mad if you don’t get to the bottom of it. Figure out your ‘love’ for your boyfriend. Are you IN love with him or do you love him like a brother?
If you aren’t in love with him, I suggest breaking it off, or taking a break at the least. You’ll need to start dating females to figure if you gain a deeper connection in a lesbian relationship.
You’re 19. You HAVE time to figure yourself out and work out any uncertainty. You’ll be glad you did.
Good Luck