Am I The Bad Guy (Girl)?
I am in a bit of a pickle. First of all, I’ve had doubts about my sexual orientation for several years now. I quite honestly don’t know where I stand. I’ve over-analyzed and chewed on the problem so much that it’s hard to be attracted to anybody anymore. I was “straight” throughout high school, then it began to be confusing. I’ve become pretty androgynous and girls fall for me more than guys. My relationships (heterosexual, until recently) have lasted a few months at most and been, well, disastrous. Things would suddenly, unexplainably, get claustrophobic and I would have an urge to run for the woods. And so I would walk away after an awkward break-up and feel disgusted with myself and swear never to do it again.
At the moment I’m sort of dating a girl. We’ve been seeing each other for a bit now, and there’s definitely a connection– we have a lot in common. And she’s sympathetic and so much more REAL than any of the guys I’ve dated. She is down to earth, genuine, beautiful, strong. However, she feels more for me than I for her. She’s the one who originally asked me out. Could it be that I like her because she likes me? I’m afraid that I am using her. I’m afraid that because I want to figure myself out I’m ending up playing with her feelings. How am I supposed to ever know if I am a lesbian if I don’t end up using somebody along the way? I feel awful.
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
See, here’s the thing…people get all caught up in “who they are” instead of just simply being. You are in a relationship which you enjoy, one in which both you and your girl are happy. Why ruin it by over thinking things? Seriously. She is probably more into you than you are her because she isn’t afraid to love you. It doesn’t have anything to do with being gay or straight, it has to do with your being afraid to give your heart to someone. Until you do, you’ll always be questioning everything.
Totally agree: you are completely overanalyzing things! The reason you run from all your relationships is because you talk yourself out of them. Take your current relationship, for example. You have a girl after you who “is down to earth, genuine, beautiful, strong.” You don’t like her because she likes you, you like her because she’s a damn good catch!
Like sapphochic said, it probably seems like she’s more into you because she’s not as afraid to fall. Stop spectating from the sidelines of all your relationships. Take down some of that armor and get into something real.
Good Luck
I agree with the above, but if you do feel guilty, why not sit your girl down and explain that you like her but aren’t sure about your sexuality, just as a warning, so that if she’s not ok with it, she has the opportunity to say so, and you both come clean in the relationship.