Just Sharing Some Thoughts…
I can’t stop thinking about my former roommate, who is abroad having the time of her life. It seems like every time I talk to her, there is this overwhelming weight on me, just thinking about the experiences she is having without me. I see pictures of her with this other girl and I am extremely jealous, I can’t even tell anymore if it’s the fact that I miss her so much, or if it’s the friendship aspect of it, and that I’m really insecure about her having this new person she met on the trip that she seems to cling to.
She is that type of person, and I think that perhaps that’s how I got attracted to her in the first place… she’s very clingy… I suppose I need that, while she was over her… she clearly needed me as a friend and clung to me. Now she found someone else to cling to. Sometimes I think I should have gone abroad, even if it meant I would have been miserable, but really I think either way I would have been miserable… over there seeing her with men, or the guys of the traveling group that she has gotten close to. I just don’t know.
I am supposed to live with her again next school year when she returns, but I can’t help but think it’s going to be so different. My feelings right now for her are so mixed, I miss her, yet it seems whenever I talk to her, something gets to me and I become a complete asshole. I was hoping that my feelings for her would disappear, that being away from her would help, 4000 miles of distance has not helped, I think about her everyday, every hour. I thought that me not going abroad would protect me from seeing her with men, etc but it’s made things worse. I fear I could lose a friend. I would trade in all my bi feelings for her, if I could just be assured she will be my friend when she returns. I can’t bear to lose her as a friend; I may be in love with her, but the fact that we had a deeper connection and way more in common then any of my other friends from home or at school means so much to me.
Sorry this is so long, I have so much shit on my mind.
I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
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