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Ok so this is quite a long story so bear with me please. It’s such a long story because I’ve been in love with this girl for close to four years now so thatâ€™s a lot of story to cover. Alright so I met her freshman year of high school. I didn’t really know I was into girls then until I met her and couldn’t deny my feelings. We clicked fast and became friends but for the first like two years we werenâ€™t super close. Which made it a lot easier to tame my feelings for her. For a while I had myself convinced that I wasn’t even in love with her anymore. Now this year we just became super close and all these feelings are coming back. Like we spend every hour together she tells me all of her secrets and she is very affectionate with me which makes things a lot harder for me to deal with. She’s just so touchy feely that itâ€™s hard to tell whether she has the same feelings. Like not only does she hold my hand in public she laces our fingers. She always kisses my cheek and forehead. She always feels the need to sit on my lap or put her head on my shoulder. When we’re lying on the couch or in her bed she’ll always cuddle up to me. She sits behind me in one of our classes and sometimes she’ll just randomly grab my hand and start playing with it for half the class. Rubbing her finger across it, lacing our fingers, writing notes on my arm with her finger. I usually just let her do everything because I’m afraid I’ll go to far but the other night we went to a party and I drank quite a bit because I was really upset because on the way there she was like I feel like I can trust you with all my secrets then she tells me about how she had sex with this guy last year and thatâ€™s the second guy she’s had sex with so I drank quite a bit at the party trying to forget what she told me and once I loosened up I was all over her and she didn’t seem to care.
Someone even asked us if we were lesbians and she just laughed it off. Then that night since we were at someone elseâ€™s house we had to sleep in a single bed room and I said: you sleep in the bed and I’ll sleep in the floor and she was like no come here and she made me sleep behind her with my arms wrapped around her waist. Like all these things she does make my feelings go all over the place and to most people it would seem that she likes me back but hereâ€™s the problem. She has a boyfriend. They havenâ€™t been together that long but she’s always with him. But today she was like he treats me like shit blah blah blah and then she just like turned around and hugged me and was like I’m over guys we should just be lesbians together you treat me right… It made me smile but I figured she was probably joking and I guess I was right because after school she was like yeah we made up. I just was like oh… awesome. And she asked me what that meant and I just walked away so I think she’s getting the hint that I don’t like him.
Oh yeah and another thing is that me and her are “married”. I know that sounds totally kindergarten but we have rings and everything. And she tells people that I’m her wifey. Which is probably also just platonic. I just don’t know what to do because I’ve never dealt with a friend like this… it just sucks. I mean if she wasn’t so touchy feely and always playing with my emotions maybe it would be easier to fall out of love with her… maybe. So anyone have any advice? Sorry this was so long I just had a lot to be said. Oh and btw she just texted me now randomly saying youâ€™re so cute… See thatâ€™s another thing I won’t even be texting her and she’ll randomly send me texts like that… help? Anyone? Please… I know it may sound small and maybe pathetic but seriously the feelings suck. Like it’s not just saying my heart aches like it physically hurts…