I Still Don’t Know If I’m Gay Or Straight

Sexual attraction isn’t something that becomes readily, magically apparent to everyone. Due to the sheltered nature of my upbringing, I had no real concept of lust (even a basic desire to kiss another person) until I was nearly through high school. Even then, I wasn’t really sure if I was feeling things physically for the right reasons (perhaps I *convinced* myself to feel certain ways because I thought it was expected of me). Honestly, the desire to ‘just be’ with someone is perfectly normal, especially when you’re younger, and it’s a good thing to have when you’re older, too. (It’s also kind of wonderful, yeah?) You’ll find out in time whether that desire can cross over into deep physical attraction regardless of gender or whether you’ve got predictable biases in one direction or another.

(I used to think kissing was really unsanitary and couldn’t imagine *ever* wanting to kiss another person. I drew the line at hugging and holding hands, and I felt this way *at least* until I was eighteen. And even then, I had to slowly convince myself otherwise.)

My super basic advice to you is to not worry. Just don’t worry about it. You seem remarkably mature and level-headed, and I think you’ve explained yourself perfectly well. If you find yourself at some point wanting to openly date/kiss/sleep with another girl, then that would be a good time to talk things through with your family. Until then, just revel in the openness of liking the people you like, and don’t let anyone tell you how you should be feeling.

Of course, if you truly think your family would be open and supportive regardless of your eventual romantic preferences, then maybe you can get some dialogue going now. You don’t have to tell them you’re straight or gay or anything in between (really, there’s no reason to commit yourself to arbitrary labels, ever), but you can probe their feelings on the issue or talk through your confusion with them. Only do this if you’re quite sure they won’t try to convince you to think or feel one way or another, though. Sometimes, it’s best to come to terms with aspects of your identity on your own or solely with the help of people who won’t attempt to influence you according to their own conceptions of what’s best.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether you’re gay or straight. What matters is that you’re comfortable with who you are and attentive to what you want. It’s possible you’ll never reach a definitive answer; identity confusion might be attributed to youth, but it’s really hard to outgrow. =)

And it’s also quite possible that you are asexual.

I understand you. It’s hard and such. I personally wouldn’t tell my parents (Been there, nightmare)Iwoiuld teel a neutral person, someone sworn to secrecey and is a good person. It’s hard to come out(i still am) i suggest you just follow your heart and noone else’s heart or brain(If you get what i mean) Hope this helps