I Need Help
Hi everyone,
Let’s get to the point. I am confused about my sexuality and it’s driving me crazy. I have had these thoughts for a while and managed to suppress them, but it is getting to the point where I am ALWAYS thinking about the possibility that I might be gay or bi. It’s like this never ending puzzle that I can’t figure out.
Background: I am a 20 year old college student. Kind of an overachiever in terms of school and sports which has allowed me to focus my time and energy on those goals rather than personal goals. All of my friends are straight pretty much. I am pretty feminine and I have hooked up with guys throughout college so I don’t think people suspect that I am having these feelings. I never had a boyfriend. I have had some “flings” but I have never had a true crush on a guy. I am a virgin. I think my main reasons for having these “flings” was because I just wanted some attention (lame, I know I know) and also the idea of having a boyfriend is appealing to me. However, I was never that turned on by them. I do find guys aesthetically attractive.
I think my main problem is that I don’t have anything to compare my relationships with guys to. I have only kissed girlfriends in the setting of a party but not in a serious way. I have had little mini crushes on certain girls, but I can’t tell if it is because of personality or if I am really sexually attracted to them. When I think of sex with a girl, I am not particularly moved. But I think – I KNOW – I am capable of romantic feelings for a girl.
In short, I know I am romantically attracted to women (due to intense emotional feelings I have for a close friend… I won’t go into this, it’s a long story), but the idea of sex with a guy turns me on more. Again, this is the IDEA. I am a virgin so I don’t know… ughhhhh.
What should I do? Right now, I have a guy who is interested in me, and I don’t know what to do. Should I experiment with him? I feel like I have been avoiding relationships my whole life because of these doubts. I would love to experiment with a girl but that seems kind of impossible if I want to keep these doubts on the down-low until I figure it out…
I really appreciate any advice you can give me. I want to figure this out before school starts up again, and I need a plan!
Thanks.
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About the guy who’s interested in you- I would say don’t just experiment with someone who doesn’t really mean something to you, just to find answers. The answers will come, just give yourself some time.
Other than that, you seem to be attracted to both men and women so I would just stop thinking about gender and enjoy your crushes and do what feels right.
Sorry I’m not so great at advice- I just figured I throw my 2 cents in.
Good luck with everything!
Hey helpme,
I am also a 20 yr old college student pondering the possibility that I am bisexual/gay. I can tell you in my attempts at discovering myself that experimenting with someone that you’re not really interested in will probably make you even more confused. I made the mistake of sleeping with a girl that I wasn’t really attracted to, and I was unfulfilled. Unless you actually like the person, you won’t enjoy the physical part, whether the person is a man or a woman. If you think that you might like him, maybe go on a few dates with him and see if there is chemistry. If not, ask out some women! Remember, you don’t have to have a full-on relationship to explore your feelings. Hope this helps, and remember, you are not alone! I’ll be awkwardly exploring my sexuality too.
same here. you are def. not alone.