How Can I know?

Well, I’m not sure you can know, definitively, how you’ll identify sexually forever, at this point. But I think the way to see if you’d be happy dating girls is just to try dating some girls. You say you’d noticed yourself being attracted to women, so I think that’s a pretty good sign that you’d enjoy it. If it doesn’t end up feeling comfortable, you haven’t done anything wrong in figuring that our.

I also think that gay and bisexual women often tend to scrutinize their attractions and relationships more closely than the population at large, reflecting the cultural scrutiny that is placed upon us. Am I sure my feelings are real? Could I just be going through a phase? Am I doing this to get attention? Have I just not found a nice enough guy yet? (As if we’re required to provide proof of our lusts and our loves!) Of course it’s healthy to be self-aware — and from your post you seem to be very self-aware and intelligent to boot — but I think this constant doubt can be a pretty negative force whether it comes from within or from without, and can get in the way of allowing relationships to develop spontaneously and naturally. It’s hard to step back from this kind of questioning, but I’d advise you to resist overanalyzing your attractions and just see where they lead. And don’t feel like anyone has the right to question your motivations for pursuing whomever appeals to you at a given time.

If you feel like you’ve been more inclined to women, then you should explore women. Spend time with them, date them, experience relationships with them. You will find soon enough whether your heart is really with women or not. This is also something you can do on your own and you dont have to justify or inform anyone in your life of it if you dont want to. This can be a completely personal learning experience for you. If you are curious about women, go explore. The only sign or validation that really matters are the feelings that stir up when youre with the person, man or woman, that you feel the most alive with. You will know when it happens. You may question it or doubt it or second guess it, but you will know. Your heart will tell you.
I applaud you for finding the resolve to put yourself out there and overcome your horrific experience. I hope you find what you are looking for !

I am so sorry for what happened to you, really. I know how bad behavior that-can-only-come-from-men can make you think that they’re all apes. Though, there are sweet people on both sides – I know, it’s such a cliché. I do think that men are only around us to ruin our lives as they will never get it. Sorry to be so radical, I experienced myself some weird cases of manipulation and violence, still a little affected… You have the right to experience, though. Kissing a girl or trying to have a girl-girl sex episode doesn’t make you lesbian or bi, let go the labels. It can only be usefull for you to try: maybe you’ll like it, maybe not. You know, girls are like we know: they understand us, they know what we like, they smell good, eat vegetables and… sometimes they act like b*tches. There are jerkeries-to-be on both sides. I would suggest you to try with a girl. To me it was a life saver, I was 21. Experiencing things is a personal process, you don’t have to anticipate the coming out that early, try it first… If you find you don’t like girls THAT much, you will at least express your frustration regarding men for a second! Or maybe you’ll realize that you feel better around women… (but hey, who doesn’t?) There is no need to put people (including yourself) in a labeled box, you still have all your life in front of you to figure it out and remember: what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger… but mostly smarter

Hello,
I have an older sister (adopted, not blood related but my sister none the less) who went thru the same thing you did, so from what she used to confide with me, I somewhat know how you feel, and I’m sorry that that happened to you, no one should have to go thru that… Anyways, I myself am 17 as well and am, in a way experiencing the same things you are. I know it’s frustrating, because, like you, I think, am i fooling myself into thinking I don’t like guys because of what happened to my sister and my uncles? (my uncles are not the best men in the world) Or, do I honestly like girls? I would always point out which girls I thought were pretty cause I just thought “they were prettier than most girls,” when my two sisters would always point out the guys… Anyways, my advice, even though you might not like it, is to just wait and when the right person is there for you you’ll know. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t search for them either! I’m just about to go to college and do a little searching of my own, so if you’re going to start college just give some ladies a chance, and maybe some guys if you’re comfortable enough, and you’ll figure it out sooner than you thought you would ^_^. Hope my two cents helped you out even if it’s a little… don’t hesitate to e-mail back if you want too, I love to help others… Good luck! ^_^

Hi, Yamille again lol, I just realized that you wouldn’t have my e-mail just incase you did want to e-mail me back… Just incase ^_^