More Ups and Downs Than a Roller Coaster
This may be a confusing post, and for that I apologize. I came out when I was a junior in college. At that time I was so desperately “in love” with my best friend that I was CERTAIN it was because I was gay. Love for a female automatically means you’re gay, right?
A lot of my friends in college were gay, and to this day many of my circle are gay. Here’s the problem: I have since had a physical encounter with a female, and it was awful. It did nothing for me and I even ended up faking it. I have also been borderline in love with a man, but still don’t find myself physically attracted to any gender in particular. My closest circle of friends are all straight, so have never had to weigh the question of their own sexuality. My next ring of friends already assumes that I’m “family” – and the truth is, I don’t know what I am – gay, straight, bi, asexual.
Could it be I’m just in love with the idea of being in love? I know none of you can answer for me whether I am gay or straight. But any advice on how to figure it out once and for all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
labels are for clothes, queer eschews labels, just be who you are day by day and take it one step at a time
http://queersunited.blogspot.com
You seem to be on a quest to define yourself, but what’s the point? Does it really matter if you’re gay/straight/bisexual? What you are could be a number of things and the only way to truly figure yourself out is to let go of this epic journey and just be yourself. Date people you find attractive and want to get to know better, regardless of their sex.
Your not-so-orgasmic encounter with another female could mean that you’re indeed more straight leaning, or could deal with your physchological state of mind. There are many lesbians I know who can’t enjoy the act of sex with another woman unless true feelings are involved. This could be your case.
Good Luck
I kind of disagree with the previous posters regarding the labeling, in some circumstances “labels” can be important, for example to define ones identity in a group and a give one a sense of belonging.
Someone who is questioning their sexuality cannot feel at home with the straight folk who never had to go through this, but also cannot feel at home with the gay ppl because they might be not sure if they have the “right” to enjoy the benefits of queer solidarity if it turns out that they are straight. To dismiss labels as unimportant is to say that in the end they are all the same, this is not true because identifying different identities have completely different social repercussions.
Finding yourself can be a long process and I would not base anything on one sexual experience: my first experiments with girls didn’t do much for me, it was much later that I tried it again and it blew my mind away. Also ones sexual identity is not always strictly based on actual sexual preference: some people are actually more asexual or bisexual and yet they identify as gay or straight, it has more to do with whom you prefer to be in love with and whom do you prefer to have a relationship with than if you get turned on by breasts or muscles.
good luck