Frustration…

Straight girls…. What to do.

I’m a lesbian and I’m in college. I came out to my close friends after high school. I’ve known this girl for over five years. She’s beautiful, funny, and I have to have someone to argue with. She was never scared to put me in my place.   We were really close back in high school and we both had boyfriends but our relationship always seemed a little more than friends to me. We loved to argue and flirt and if one of us got into a fight with our significant other, we would always spend the night together and we’d cuddle. I would always enjoy that more than anything else. But at that time I didn’t really identify with my real self and after high school we lost touch.

This past year, occasionally I would receive drunken text messages from her saying she wanted me and I would always blow it off because I figured she was just drunk. Then this past July she confessed to thinking about being with me even when she’s sober and she was just confused about what to do. I must say I was quite thrown back by this but I knew she would come out in her own time and I didn’t need to push anything on her. Every time I tried to talk about it with her I would assure her I was there for her. I would sometimes say things to get a reaction out of her. The reactions varied. One day she would want me and the next she would say she only liked guys and there would be no chance anything would happen. Back and forth. But when I would come into town to see family I would try to see her and it seemed she always had some other thing going on. I would get mad because I was sick of just her sending me texts and calling me in the middle of the night. I wanted to see her and talk face to face. I felt like she was avoiding me.

So this past weekend she finally came to see me for my birthday. We went out with a couple friends and had a couple drinks. I would joke and make comments to see what she would say and it would be the same, “No I like men, it’s not going to happen.” But it was so hard to believe her. The last night she was here, we were just lying in bed talking and she asked me to cuddle with her. Of course I said yes, I couldn’t help it. I then started massaging her back cause she said it was hurting and things kind of escalated. I was waiting for her to backhand me in the middle of it. But she didn’t. I stopped though cause I didn’t want anything to happen she would regret later. Now I can’t stop thinking about her. She knows how I feel for the most part but I’m not gonna spill my guts. I just wish I knew what she wanted from me. I don’t know whether she’s just curious and horny or if she really wants something together? I think she’s scared and doesn’t know how to come out. She has plenty of guys falling at her feet and she has a huge network of friends but they don’t know the side of her I do. And I think she just doesn’t know which way she wants to go or how to go about doing it. I love her and I know I can make her happy but I don’t want to wait forever. Any comments would help.

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