I Just Wanna Make Her Happy
Ok so about 3 years ago I met my girlfriend. We started out as just friends. I knew she was a lesbian and she knew I was straight. But that didn’t keep her from having a crush on me. Which I was ok with. As time passed we started acting differently with each other. We would hold hands and we’d sit close together with her arm around me. When I stayed the night we would cuddle together. I guess I should have known earlier that I was getting strong feelings for her. But it took me a while to come to terms with.
You see my younger brother is gay and my mom had a really hard time with that. She is now fine with it though. But ever since my brother came out she has always told me she doesn’t know what she’d do with herself if she had two gay kids. I was hanging out with a bunch of gay guys at the time plus the girl who is now my girlfriend. And I think that’s one of the reasons my mom got so worried. So I would always try and reassure her that I wasn’t gay and I think that’s part of the reason why I hid my feelings for so long.
Anyways when I finally was ready to admit my feelings my friend had already started talking to a girl who would become her girlfriend. It hurt so bad. Just to know that she chose someone else over me because she always told me how much she loved me. But I do realize now that I should have spoken up earlier.
So my friend started dating this other girl and me and my friend stopped talking because her new girlfriend didn’t like me at all and she hated the fact that my friend still openly admitted to her that she loved me. A year went by and we didn’t speak or see each other unless we happened to be at a mutual friend’s house at the same time. About 4 months ago we started talking again. Her and her girlfriend had broken up and she was hanging out with our mutual friends more often so we were seeing each other more often. 2 of our mutual friends and myself were planning a trip to Six Flags. My friend came and it ended up me and her roomed in a hotel together. The last night we were there me and my friend had a few drinks and we started talking about the past. And she wanted to know why I didn’t tell her sooner. Our little chat led to our second kiss. And from that day on we spent everyday together for about a week until our friends found out that we were now dating.
This was 2 months ago. I love every second of being with her. No one has made me as happy as she has. My only concern is that of our sex life. It’s good, don’t get me wrong but it so far has consisted of her pleasuring me. I’m just so afraid I will disappoint her. I’ve heard stories of her past relations and I am scared I won’t make her happy. She complains that she hasn’t seen me naked yet and I want to make her happy but I am so self-conscious about my body. Does any one have any advice for me on that? And should I tell my mom? If so when is a good time?
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you have a lot here to work with it seems. first off, i think you should talk to your girl about your sex issues. if you care about each other enough, especially being friends first, she should understand or at the very least ease up from complaining about seeing you naked and show you more compassion.
i can’t say what to do about your mom. that’s rough. ive just decided to hide it from my dad until im older and theres just no getting around it anymore.
good luck!
I was also worried about pleasing my girlfriend the first time we had sex; she was much more experienced than I, but I went for it and, at the least, she didn’t have any complaints! It all came very naturally. You have an advantage here because, hey, you have girl parts too, and there’s a good chance that at least some of what feels good to you will feel good to her. When you have sex now, what does she do to you? Can you do the same things when you reciprocate?
If she’s attracted to you and enjoys the sex you’re already having — and it sounds like she is — she is NOT going to be comparing you to past lovers while you’re going at it! Of course it’s likely to take some time to figure out what really works for her, and I’d hope that she, like my girlfriend, is willing to speak up (gently!) and say, “Hey, could you try this now instead?” if something doesn’t feel optimal. (And I hope you’re willing to do the same thing when you’re on the receiving end. Communication is the key ingredient in a satisfying sex life.) You shouldn’t take this as a sign that you’re doing something wrong — every girl gets off a little differently, there’s no way to have perfect knowledge beforehand, and any guidance she’s giving you is a sign that she wants to be having amazing sex WITH YOU.
Another thing that can be a little easier in girl/girl relationships is the whole body-image thing. Believe me, almost every girl growing up in this country is going to have been saddled with all sorts of body issues by our culture if not by other experiences. Your girl knows, to some extent, what you’re going through. You don’t say why exactly you’re self-conscious, but regardless, your girlfriend is ATTRACTED TO YOU. She thinks you’re hot stuff, already! Again, she is not going to be judging you when she sees you naked, she’s going to think how much she wants to do it to you. (And to harp on another theme, why not talk about it with her? If right now you’re just saying “I’m too embarassed” all the time, try to go beyond that, let her know what exactly you’re afraid will happen. Talking about our fears can make them shrink really fast.)
On the whole mom issue: how old are you? Do you live with your mother? Of course you should tell her eventually, but if you are still at home for just a little while longer, it could be good to wait to come out until there’s a bit of distance between you. On the other hand, she’s already dealt with your brother being gay, so you do have a kind of template for how she’s likely to respond. Yes, she may feel disappointed or surprised at first, but notions of motherly justice will probably prevent her from really going off the deep end. You will tell her — as soon as its practical — and she will get used to it.
Good luck!