I’m Confused
To make a very long story short, I am a 35 year old female who has been questioning her sexuality all her life. I know I do have emotional attraction to women yet not really physical nor sexual. I have lots of male gay friends and have no problem with the lifestyle yet I am terrified for myself. I do not wish to partake in sexual activity with a woman. I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend and we have a beautiful daughter together. I enjoy being in the relationship and he is fully aware of my feelings of possibly being gay… I am trying to accept myself for who I am. I just cannot do it. I know I would like to go to counselling to help me figure out what all this means. I do look at other women and not feel an attraction yet I can say she is beautiful. The funny thing is the last time these feelings affected me so bad, I was pregnant and my hormones were all over the place. I also find these feelings arise around that time of the month when my hormones are all out of whack. Could I be a lesbian? I am up at night contemplating and trying to figure myself out. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of it and want to crawl out of my skin. I would never hurt myself so there is no fear there yet these thoughts are driving me crazy. My bf tells me that I over think these things and that it is normal to want these emotional connections. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and I thank you in advance.
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
Honestly it does not sound like you are a lesbian. Being emotionally attracted to women and being able to say they are beautiful don’t make you gay. Maybe the problem lies with the relationship you have with your boyfriend. You may not be getting the emotional support from him that you may have gotten from a woman. That is a reason why so many women have had such wonderful friendships with each other. They often get the emotional support from each other because women get women. Some men are not capable of relating with their wives or girlfriends on the same level as women do with each other. So you have some gay male friends. That doesn’t make a difference either. It sounds like somewhere in your life your emotional needs were met by a woman and now when you are stressed or dealing with hormones you are missing this. Men don’t always know how to handle all the needs of women or at least be able to respond to their emotional needs. Female friendships that are real and true have alot of emotional attraction in them. It has nothing to do with your sexuality unless you are physically attracted to them and just want to be with them instead of a man. Yes there are lesbian relationships that revolve around emotional attraction but there is other desires that come into play too like physical intimacy. The desire to hold, to kiss or be near them. If you don’t have those feelings don’t knock yourself out worrying about it.