Am I turning straight or bi?
So. I’m a 25 year old woman who has identified as a lesbian since age 18 (and came out as bi when I was 12, before I realized my feelings for males aren’t physical or sexual), and I have only dated and had sex with women previously. Anyway. I am active in a local lesbian group, but it’s really confusing because… none of those women are what I have always considered a lesbian. All of them identify as lesbian, but are attracted to and sleep with men on the downlow when they can’t find a girl. All told me that they really enjoy it, too. They told me they’re lesbian just because they get along with women better than men.
In fact, these women enjoy men so much that they have started telling me that I really need to experience a man, and even sometimes have brought by guys to meet me. I turned down all of them because I just… I don’t look at a guy and think sex. At most, I think “Oh, his clothes are really cool…” or “Awww… he’s squishy adorable.” I’ve never thought about them naked, or wanted to have sex with them.
Now, that said? Since this whole thing started, I have started wondering what it feels like. I enjoy penetration, but do find it lacking in some ways: my partner can’t feel it, the toy is either too hard or too cold, and dildos can’t really come. All that makes me want to try a real penis, but uh… the problem? I only want the penis. I have no interest in anything else male, and that makes me even more confused. It’s like… I want to try sex… but he can’t undress, can’t kiss me at all, has to stay quiet, and it has to be from behind so that I don’t have to see him. I would lose interest right away if any of those conditions weren’t met.
My question… does this make me no longer a lesbian? Am I actually bi now? If I’m not bi… how can I get rid of this curiosity?
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
Hi Kitty,
pls write me a mail I may have the solution for you
rilandock@europe.com
kisses
You can’t downsize the complex ecology of lesbianism into a singular “i like penetration hence i’m straight” dichotomy. If you like women physically, mentally and emotionally, you’re a lesbian, but then again, sexually is fluid and never set in stone. Identity is a choice.
A bi-curious girl on the converse side of sexuality – how interesting!
Instinct tells me you’re gay. I mean, these feelings you have only came about because of this (incredibly unique) group of lesbians. Would you have come to this conclusion without their success(?) stories? Maybe things are different in your location, but I can’t think of one lesbian friend of mine who often has/enjoys sex with men.
I mean, if curiousity is killing you, feel free and do a dude. Gold star status is a bit overrated anyway. If you truly are bisexual, it will be an eye-opening experience. If you’re totally grossed out by stubbly faces, too many muscles and Adam’s apples, you can conclude you’re a full-fledged lez.
Don’t fret about “turning” bisexual or straight. You never “turn” anything. You are your own person and you have the right to go with the flow.
Good Luck
Oh, no, hon, you’re definitely gay. If all you want to try is the dick, and you can’t even handle kissing or seeing the man? You’re 100% lesbigay.
Just because you’re curious or have fantasies about men doesn’t make you bisexual – it’s what gender you are physically and emotionally attracted to that determines your sexual orientation.