Advice Please?
So earlier I wrote that I have my first real crush on a girl.
Since I wrote that a few major things have happened. I officially met her through her roommate and the next day she smiled at me when I was walking down the stairs to meet my friend. I think she might get a vibe that I like her, before I never used to see her and the one time I did on campus, I continued to watch her as she walked down campus walk and I think she noticed. Plus, at lunch she came out and sat with some friends, but didn’t really talk at the table right in front of mine. She kept looking to the side at people walking and she could’ve been looking at me if she wanted to. And then when she went to throw away her trash she went to the trash can that was right next to me.
But none of that really matters.
I got up the courage to add her on facebook and she accepted my friend request. And lo and behold, she has a girlfriend. I don’t think she’s really that pretty, but obviously my crush sees something in her. So since then I’ve been seeing my crush a lot more and I never see her with her girlfriend, so naturally I thought that maybe her girlfriend didn’t go to our school. But today I saw her with her girlfriend…that majorly hurt.
Naturally when I was thinking her girlfriend went to a different school, I thought maybe, just maybe I might have a chance. I wouldn’t break them up or anything like that, I think that’s wrong, but relationships are hard and long distance relationships are even harder. But now that I know her girlfriend goes here, I know I don’t have a chance. And it hurts.
So I never actually spoke to her, besides when I said hi when I met her, she didn’t really say much. And I could’ve talked to her when she was at lunch, but I was shy and nervous. So my best friend suggested that I become friends with her, that I treat her like I do my two best friends, that way I won’t feel comfortable liking her because she would be a good friend and I wouldn’t want to ruin the friendship. But the worst case scenario is I end up falling for her and get my heart broken.
I don’t really know what I should do or even what I want to do. Getting over her isn’t going to be particularly easy and I almost feel like I shouldn’t give up. That I’ve been bisexual for this long and this is my first crush, maybe I should just try to be friends with her and see what happens. I just…I don’t know.
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Of course you know what to do. You just don’t want to do it. You can’t pursue her.
If she’s smart, she already knows you’re into her. That puts her in the driver’s seat. She can smile at you in the stairway, accept your Facebook friend request and even shoot you glances in the cafeteria. Maybe she even did make it a point to throw her trash away right next to you (though I think that’s going a little too far).
She does it because it’s flattering. Even though she likes or loves her girlfriend, being admired is something not worth losing. She’ll do all the little things to keep you hanging on for that next glance. Understand that this might be a subconscious reaction as well; she might not be stringing you along knowingly.
Best advice to give and hardest advice to follow: Move on. Find another girl, preferably one who is single. If I’m right, and she has noticed your innocent glances, she’ll miss having you around. Then, she might just approach you.
Good Luck
Thanks and you’re probably right about her noticing my innocent glances.
Now here’s the more confusing part – at least on my end. I never see my crush with her girlfriend. Thus why I thought she didn’t have one; whenever I see her, which is actually become more frequent, she’s with other friends. I’ve see the girlfriend a few times around campus, and she’s always with other people except for that one time I saw her with my crush – they weren’t holding hands or anything. I considered that maybe they aren’t comfortable with being “out.” But my crush goes to gay rights parades and such, so I don’t know.
And on my crush’s Facebook, out of like 100 pictures there’s like 5 pictures of her with the girlfriend and they’re not acting like a couple, they’re acting like friends. So I facebooked the girlfriend and she went to a different high school than my crush and she’s a sophomore at our school – so my crush and the girlfriend just met this year.
So now I’m curious if they’re actually dating. I mean I know it says on my crush’s relationshiop status that she’s “married” to this girl, but people do that even though they’re not dating their friends. So I’m confused, majorly confused.
You’re going to do your head in trying to analyse every picture on FB and every moment your crush spends with this girl. You’re going to be much better off just moving on, focusing on a friendship with this girl first… but like evolution said, it is really up to her to determine whether she likes you enough to pursue you. You can’t create something good from an obsession – whatever attraction or interest there is/was will get killed by it… just go with the flow… you’ll know soon enough if she likes you just by focusing on being her friend. Unless she sticks her tongue down your throat, you’re never going to know… so stop analyzing and live your life.
For sure, I agree with CityWalker. Maybe she’s not a picture person. Maybe she’s Facebook friends with a relative who doesn’t know she’s gay. Maybe she wants to keep her options open by not seeming too serious. Maybe they’re not even dating.
Whatever the case, you won’t make any ground analyzing her every move. Get out there, meet new people; hey, maybe even bring a new girl around. If she’s into you, that will certainly get her attention.