3 Steps Backwards
I wondered what women do when they’ve wanted to backtrack and get in contact with their ex. I broke up with my ex some months ago. The relationship ended because it wasn’t a mutual connection. I liked her much more than she liked me. In the end she said she didn’t mean to hurt me and that she needed me because she was going through serious depression about life—however, throughout our relationship I was always pampering her. It got overwhelming. I finally cut communication off complete though she wanted to stay friends. I guess she got the point.
It was a secret relationship, so coming out to others is a step I still have not taking though I have become more comfortable with myself personally (which I’m proud of). Recently, I’ve tried to branch off in meeting some people (friends or potentials) to help build my confidence as a lesbian. I have not had much luck. My confidence has really been tested these last couple of weeks as I’ve tried being more aware of who I am.
However, for some strange reason, I’ve had these urges to get in contact with my ex. She was definitely no good for me. I know I deserve better. It’s just that I’m curious of how she’s doing. I even want to know if she’s thought of me. These last couple of days I’ve felt like I just broke up with her. It’s like I’m going through the whole grieving process again and it’s freaking me out!!! What does this mean? With my break-up with guys, I’ve always just gotten over it after while (maybe that’s because they were males).
I really want to start a new chapter now and find someone I deserve. I just don’t know what to do about this hurdle.
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Comments
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
You said it yourself. Recently, you’ve been trying to branch out, meet more people, establish yourself as a confident lez and “have not had much luck.”
As you attempt to meet more and more people without success, it’s inevitable that your mind, at least your subconscious, is going to wander back to when those things were easier.
Based on your former situation, I don’t blame you. You were the sole provider of her happiness; that’s way too much for one person to handle. Your decision to leave seemed like the right one at the time, and it probably was, you know/knew you “deserve better.” But, time goes by, no new women are in the mix, and it’s not so much that you want your ex back, but you want somebody.
Keep looking for someone new, someone you deserve, and someone who will get your mind off your ex.
Good Luck
Yea evolution is right keep looking nd get ur mind off her may i sugest sports
Don’t fret. It seems like you’re just coming into a point of more self confidence. You should keep moving forward. I truly believe there is someone out there for you. Once you find her (or she finds you), you’ll know it was worth the wait. It is so easy to step back into your comfort zone. If you two had separated on mutual grounds, maybe a friendship (I think that’s what you were looking for) wouldn’t be that bad. However, any relationship that is not emotional stable is not healthy.
In the meantime, continue to get to know yourself. Take this time to find out what makes you happy. It may help for you to reevaluate your relationship to see what went wrong. Though you may avoid your ex, you don’t want to be so conscious of her that you go out and look for the same person!! Write down the things you’d like to see in a partner. It will save you lots of time in the long run. You don’t want to find just any lesbian!
i totally agree with the other posts. It is about having trust in yourself and your own decisions. You broke things off for a reason. Even if that reason isn’t front and center in your mind right now, it is a good idea to trust that your past self was up to something really important. You don’t want to abandon your project of developing yourself as soon as things get tricky. Just keep moving forwards, no need to turn back.
The unpredictibility of the future is scary and it can be tempting to take refuge in the predictible emotional arrangements of the past (even if they aren’t satisfying), but the unpredictibility of the future is exactly what you can count on to bring you fresh new and wonderful experiences. Just keep at it.
Power on!!!!!
If you are saying “he dumped me. How will I ever survive?” mere words in an article will not give you comfort. It may help to know that while you’ve broken up, you are not a broken person. God 1st – Can make bad go to good!
Uh . . .. dee . . nobody here said “he dumped me. how will I ever survive?” we’re talking about the ladies.