Is this girl a lesbian?

why do you need to know? Do you like her? if so ask her out, then you’ll be able to know if she is or isn’t. If you’re looking for a lesbian friend you could start to share with her some dimensions of your life and see if she opens up or shares in a way that reveals.

I don’t really like it when people think they have a right to know other’s sexual orientations just as a matter of fact. A friend of mine was sexually harrassed at a feminist bookstore where she worked where they took a vote on her sexual orientation. it was really offensive. unless it directly concerns you, why do you feel you need to know?

oh come on arugula rose if you are gay it’s always nice to know if others are too. It’s only natural to be curious.

I am indeed interested in her but I can’t bring myself to outright ask her for fear that she may be offended…that’s why I ask. I would never use the information to exploit her.

Maybe you should just suck it up and ask her out. It’s the only way you can find out if she’s into you like that without”offending” her. Truth be told, you really need to weigh the risk between your heart being broken (if she says that she’s not into you) and the possibility that you will regret never asking her out and never knowing if it could have been true love!
This is just a bunch of words though… so don’t take what I say to heart because I can’t even follow my own advice… I’m still in the closet and I really like this girl. I would love to ask her out, but I’m still afraid of being rejected and being judged by her and the circle of people that we know (that’s if she turns out to be straight). If she turns out to be les, than I’m still afraid because I’m in the closet and mortified of the idea of people knowing my huge lesbian secret.
On the other hand a friend once told me, “carpe diem”, which means seize the moment. You never know what will happen next, only you can shape your own destiny, and if you want this girl to be more than a friend in your life, nothing is going to happen until you take control and do something about it.
Also could you imagine if she is feeling the same way as you? Could you imagine if she was having just as hard a time letting you know about her feelings?
Anyway what’s the worst that could happen? She says she’s straight and that she only wants to be friends… All you have to do is move on there are plenty of fish in the sea. And you’ll be a stronger person for trying!

So good luck!! I hope you ask her and I really hope she likes you back.

Maybe I really missed the boat here. Did you say she had a ring on her left ring finger? She might not have tied the knot yet, but your description of the ring and its location spells engagement ring.

Anyway, your description of her could spell lesbian, and then again, it might not. I mean, my first real crush moved to my hometown to coach basketball, lived alone with her cat, had a very short, gay-looking haircut (sorry to stereotype ladies, I was young!), played professional basketball overseas and yet, just got married to a man.

I know a handful of straight femminists as well, so it’s going to be really hard to tell if she’s gay or not. If you don’t have the courage to ask her right out, bring up some conversation that has a gay theme and check her reaction. “I can’t wait until next year’s Capital Pride, it was awesome this year!”

Good Luck

find out what she likes… keep striking up a conversation with her and get to know her on a friendship basis first… then when you know what she likes, ask her out to do what she likes – i.e., coffee, live music etc…. I’m sure the topic of relationships will come up… the trick is to just be yourself and cool as… don’t analyse things too much and you’ll find out where she stands on the sexuality spectrum….

All right; talk about music, your favorite groups ask her if she likes Tegan & Sara too…
you can’t more indirect & obvious than that:)it gives you both wiggle room.

Just to be clear — I think I got a little triggered by the original post because of the idea that we should be able to know from her hair etc. whether or not she’s a lesbian. Of course it’s normal to be curious especially if you’re INTERESTED in the person as a lover or as a friend. I just feel like the way to know about someone’s sexuality is to hear them talk about their own understanding of themselves rather than look to the outward signs, which aren’t that reliable especially if you live in a homophobic area or context (which many of us do).

Good luck to you collateraldamage. Hopefully you will figure out that she is at least non-homophobic enough so that she wouldn’t be offended if you asked her out directly.

No one ever really knows until they get to know someone. I mean, people don’t just walk around with “Hi I’m Lesbian” shirts on (though it would be nice!), so you just have to get to know her and then when you think you’re ready, ask her or something.

If you want to know, try complementing her ring and ask if it was a gift, if it’s something significant like an engagement ring or a gift from a lover she will probably say something to that effect. You can always chat about being single and ask if she has a partner, which might lead her to use gender specific pronouns. Since that’s a pretty normal conversation it won’t ring any bells unless she’s open minded. A lot of girls compare stories about relationships or lack thereof whether to say how lonely it is or how great it was to have their freedom etc… It’s innocuous conversation but it can give you some more info on her if she’s comfortable enough to tell you the truth.

You don’t have to lay your heart on the line before you know anything about her because of course you might lose her friendship and comradery, but it would help if you mention gay positive comments while making small talk. Then a day or so later ask her those questions which might give her the sense that you are safe to tell, in case she’s in the closet or worried about homophobic people finding out.

Ah jeez I totally missed the “she isn’t married” part. Well anyway like I said some small talk can give you more info, if you think she’s definitely single, bring up past relationships and share a story of yours, that’ll hopefully get you some info. if you’re worried about being out you can just say partner, which can be a big tip off itself if she’s looking for any hints about your sexuality itself.

She might be flirting a little as a way to try to see if you’ll respond in kind, so maybe give her some compliments and see how she reacts.