She should definitely not marry this guy. I can see why she would want to to keep up the appearance of being heterosexual. And it’s hard to give up the idea of that life..the “picture perfect” husband, kids, house, etc. She may be with him because she’s trying to convince herself that she’s straight. It’s hard to accept oneself as gay, never mind family and friends around you.

I am 29 now and still struggling. My friend and I drifted apart at 18, probably because we knew college was approaching, and we started acting like we didn’t need each other anymore. Obviously as a defense mechanism. I thought it would help me not to miss her so much.

I started dating guys and enjoyed it for a while. But I realize I was just caught up in the dating part of it, trying to live up to the perfect picture I had in my mind of how a girl is “supposed” to act. I should have known that all the unresolved feelings and emotions of her and my relationship would come back to bit me in the a** someday. And it has.

I find myself now engaged, to a man, and in therapy regarding my sexuality.

My advise is to don’t give up on yourself. And by that I mean, allow your friend to figure her own problems out on her own. If she isn’t ready to explore her sexuality and is going to bury it by marrying that man, you can’t do anything about it. She may not be in the same place as you. In the meantime though, as hard as it is, you need to focus on you. It may not seem now like you’ll ever love again, but you will. And most likely even stronger than this time.

I tried to reconnect with that friend of mine recently and she wouldn’t talk to me. I thought that after 10 years had passed she could at least talk to me like an adult. Nothing even bad happened, no dramatic falling out or anything, but she obviously wants to forget that it happened, or something. She’s probably still in denial…let’s face it, sometimes it easier that way. But I don’t regret anything…because I am finally acknowledging that she was the first person I ever fell in love with, and no matter what, I’ll always carry that with me for my entire life.

I don’t know what your situation is like, if you are going away for school or going to stay at home, but if you end up living on your own, the independence will help. It will help her too. If you truly love each other, DO NOT not be together because of other people. You are responsible for your own happiness, and no matter how much it hurts, acceptance from other people doesn’t matter. If you can accept yourself, that’s all that matters.

I mean let’s face it, would this web site even exist if the whole “acceptance from others” thing wasn’t an issue? It runs people lives, and shouldn’t! Sorry to be so long-winded.

Best of luck! Don’t give up on her, but if she isn’t willing to go the distance with you, then you have to let her go.

I think if you can maintain your own personal integrity through this, then you have the best shot of things being okay in the long term.

Does her boyfriend know about you? Does he know about the full contours of her sexuality? If not, she might want to consider whether or not it is a good idea to marry somebody that she doesn’t trust with this very intimate information about her. When you marry someone you have to trust them with your absolute full self, and anyone who does not inspire that level of trust is not a candidate for marriage. I hope that she waits to get married until she is more developed and with a stronger sense of self . . But there’s nothing you can do about that. I would say, just make sure you keep in good relationship with your own sense of personal integrity, it will help you ride this process through whatever this process is.