Lots of Confusion, No Answers
Alright, where to begin with this one. I am 18 years old. I have always considered myself to be bisexual. Not because of experience with both sexes. In fact I didn’t have my first real relationship until just recently. However, I don’t have problems with homosexuality and I find both men and women attractive which makes me Bi right?
Like I said, I didn’t have my first real relationship until recently. I meet this amazing girl and right away I had a connection with her. We have been dating for a little more than a month and I think the world of her. In fact, I am a little worried that maybe I am bothering her because maybe I fell for her so hard. She says she likes me and I am not bothersome, but how do I know if I am being too strong with my feelings? I don’t want to scare her away. Whets the appropriate amount of time date wise to admit such strong feelings?
There is also the issue with my family. My friends and little sister know I am bi, but I have hidden it from the rest of my family. My parents are very strict military style traditional types. I once asked hypothetically what they would do if I liked girls and my mom bluntly said she would disown me. What should I do? I love my family but I love my girlfriend very much. I thought about just never telling my family but what if one day I want to marry a girl? Should I just blurt it out? Should I wait to see if things go further with my girlfriend? When is it the appropriate time to come out? I need help. I feel like an actress in a play who has been given 2 different roles; the role I want to play and the role I am expected to play. I want to please my family but I don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life, chaining myself to the same traditional lifestyle my family deems “correct”. Please help. I don’t know what to do.
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
In this stage of the relationship I wouldn’t tell my parents anything. Because you never know how this relationship will evolve and if you’ll find a man who you’ll fall madly in love with.If you would come out to your parents now you might ruin the bond you have with them while you don’t even know if the relaionship with this girl will last.
There should not be any urgency to tell your parents right now. Since you and your girlfriend have only been together a month or so, it’s far too soon to drop this on them. With that being said, I don’t want you to fear the day you do come out. If down the road you conclude you are a lesbian or a bisexual in a serious, same-sex relationship, you will have to face them. Then, it would be best that you have your independence if you believe your mother is honest when saying she will “disown” you. With conservative parents, it is best to incrementally introduce the concept of their gay child. Respect them, their house, their rules, don’t apologize for who you are, but don’t put it in their faces.
As for your relationship, it is hard to tell if you are being overbearing. I would not approach your girlfriend and explicitly ask. If you think you may be giving her too much attention, back off; take a few days to yourself. First relationships are incredible learning experiences, so take cues from her, but don’t be too self-conscious.
Good Luck
Once again Evolution has given some of the best advice.
I do agree with her that you shouldn’t come out to your parents just yet. You haven’t been in a long-term relationship with your current girlfriend so when you have been in a long-term relationship with her or with someone else, then I think you should consider coming out to them. I know where you’re coming from about conservative parents, which is one of the reasons I have yet to come out to them myself.
Even if your mother said that she would disown you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she will. She may be angry and not accept or understand it right away, but if she truly loves you then I think that they could learn to accept it. However, like evolution said when you do choose to come out, keep in mind that they may disown you and you might have to live your life independently.
The girlfriend situation: as Evolution said, just ask her and you will get your answer.
Good Luck
hey this sounds crazy im kinda questioning my sexuality and im currently 18 too i mean i have never been with a girl at all i mean both sides of the family are against it and im trying to look for the right ag but i cant seem to find any but i just mean to say if you are already in a relationship then just keep it between you guys until you know when your family and you are ready for it and anything that comes along the way