In Love With a Friend – What Do I Do?
I am currently trying to decide what to do about a friend (supposedly straight, but sometimes I don’t buy it) that I have been harbouring feelings for a long time.
I met this amazing woman at work about a year ago, and quickly developed a crush on her. She is the first woman I have ever actually pictured myself being in a relationship with. Over time we have become pretty good friends. We have been spending a lot more time together lately also, so I feel pretty confident that she does like me as a friend. Of course as our friendship has been growing and we have been getting to know each other better, my feelings for her have amplified. I feel like she just gets me like no one else does, and she always makes me smile. The last month has been so hard because I am excited to be spending more time with her, but at the same time it hurts because it’s increasingly apparent that we will never have the kind of relationship that I wish we could.
Recently I had a major emotional breakdown, a combination of job/school stress, coming to terms with my sexuality and my feelings for her, and general depression/anxiety. She has been a major source of support for me. She has previously dealt with a friend who went through depression so she has been very helpful and supportive. She is helping me get some professional help and takes care of me when I am struggling to get through the day. I don’t think I could get through this without her. I finally told her that I am gay, but not about my feelings for her. I really rely on her friendship and support, but at the same time I feel like spending time with her is almost making me feel worse. So I am kind of caught – do I keep ignoring my feelings and try to be happy as friends? Tell her how I feel and risk losing a great friend? Cut off contact all together? It’s hard having her in my life but I think it will be just as hard or harder without her. I don’t think there is any chance that she shares my feelings. What can I do to get over my feelings for her so we can just be friends?
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
Wow. I really wonder if I wrote this entry… I’ve gone through/still going through much of the same thing. The friend I love is my first love ever, and when I finally told her I was gay, she is not comfortable with it at all. She says I’m just confused. Anyways, I don’t know what to tell ya b/c I battle with this every day. It hurts to care so much for someone and not get that same kind of feelings back, but I can’t imagine not having her in my life. Also, I decided (which doesn’t mean it is right for you)that I would not tell her about my feelings for her, so if I were to stop being friends, even if it was a step by step process, she wouldn’t really know why, and I don’t think I could bare to hurt her like that. I guess some times you just have to take what you can get. My hope is that someone else comes along who I would actually have a chance with, and then my feelings for my friend will eventually go away. It’s a hard situation. I hope you figure things out.
Look for somebody else to start a relationship with (intimate). Keep this woman from work as a friend.