I’m a lesbian but I need advice about a boy

This is not as eloquently put as I’d like it to be (seeing as it is 4:00 am my time – I went to bed early and now I’m wide awake!), but I suggest that you see how you go dating him first, rather than extrapolating to things like marriage etc. You might find he is the best partner you have ever come across, or that dating him confirms that you really aren’t interested in any kind of romantic relationship with a guy.

I have had a number of guys interested in me in the past…. you’ll find that being curious, and actually acting on it are two entirely separate situations…. just ask all the straight but curious girls out there !

I completely agree with CityWalker; don’t get ahead of yourself. Go on a real date with him. See how it goes. Then take it one day at a time.

My experience with guys like him is such: they’re incredibly nice to you, too nice in fact. You can get away with murder and still be perfect in their eyes. Try not to fall in love with being treated like royalty.

I was in a very similar situation where I pondered playing the ‘straight and narrow.’ I found a great guy, with lots of money, who treated me incredibly well. The problem was, I was bored to death. The only love I felt toward him was the same love I feel for my brother. There was never a romantic connection nor a physical desire to be with him.

Be true to yourself. You don’t have to live up to any ‘lesbian’ label, but you aren’t obligated to lead a hetero-life either.

Good Luck

I agree with CityWalker about not getting ahead of yourself and start with dating first, instead of bringing all the pressures of expectations for marriage and family into it.

That said, I do have a friend who is a lesbian but has fallen in love with a man and just recently married him. It is a bit of a struggle for her in terms of having to explain to people what that means, but it is something she is able to talk openly to her husband about and I think they have honest dialogues about it, so it’s not an issue for them.

In short, it is possible and it isn’t out of the world, and you won’t be the only one.

Although I do agree with the others that starting slow, trying out a date or two wouldn’t hurt and might lead you down a good path, I must say this: Don’t underestimate the importance of sex in a good relationship. Especially if you’re looking down the line to marriage etc.
Remember that even if you’re prepared to sacrifice YOUR sexual happiness and fulfilment for a safe, comfortable hetero lifestyle, you’re also sacrificing HIS right to a fulfilling sexual relationship with his partner. If you never enjoy, but merely tollerate, sex with him, you are robbing yourself *and him* of a very important part of your lives.
He says he is trying to turn you straight to date you – don’t let him kid himself (even if you do date him) that he has changed your attractions. And don’t kid yourself that he knows you aren’t really attracted to him, but doesn’t mind – he will mind, and years down the line he will resent you for it. In his fantasy about you that fuels his attraction to you, you are really attracted to him and want what he wants. He definitely does not fantasize about a life with you in which you slowly overcome your revulsion and are ‘able’ to have perfunctory sex with him from time to time!

And remember, being gay doesn’t stop you from having any of those things – a partner, kids, a family, openness in work and church, a supportive community (even a conservative community!). you just may find you have to look a little harder to find those things.
Good Luck – let us know how it goes!

The others all have v. good points, esp goldinger – if you do date him, make it abundantly clear that you have not stopped liking women so he doesn’t delude himself as to the entire package he is getting! Guys can be very literal – if you’re dating guys now, they think you’ll shut out all your feelings to girls….

The key with entering into these kinds of relationships is that regardless, you have to be who you are and make that v. clear from the beginning, and continue it even if the relationship pressures shift you in another direction… we all have to do this – lesbian relationships included.

Nooo….dont do it. My male best friend did the same and we became so emotionally close i ended up dating him for almost a year. We have recently split up after he started being abusive and nasty and now i really miss my best friend, as i have cut contact completely as i could never be friends with someone who had been abusive to me. I am very choosy about my closest friends and he was the nicest guy i knew, you would never have known. That aside, i came out as lesbian at 16 and now i have to do that all over again almost four years later because of this relationship. I have always known that i am lesbian but it didnt stop me doing something stupid. I would honestly say dont drop your identity, you may ruin it sooner than you think. From a sister to a sister = i think you should stick to your own kind. Dont lose this boys friendship. You can miss friendship but not as much as youll miss your own identity.
Take Care.