I’m Split Emotionally…
So ever since 6th grade, I knew I was STRONGLY attracted to girls, but I didn’t tell anyone until last year (8th grade). I said I was bi, but then the more it thought about it, the more I figured out that guys didn’t turn me on and I the only reason I dated them was b/c they liked me and I wasn’t ready to completely “come out” and have a girlfriend or at least a public one… I did REALLY like this girl though, and she liked me too. She was my best friend, ever since I had moved; we had been the closest of close friends. She slept over at my house and we’d be silly and laugh and hug and be affectionate. One morning we woke up and were discussing how she’d never made out with anyone before and so I kissed her. She kissed me back and well you get the point we made out and then things got a little hotter… Then we decided not to date, to “save our friendship”. Now I think that decision ruined out friendship.
I have a boyfriend and I do love him and I am actually attracted to him (people say he’s really girly though :/) we’ve had sex and I love him, but I’m not sure if I’m in love with him.
Recently this friend, my boyfriend and I all hung out, it was very awkward and my boyfriend ended up getting mad at me about something and went downstairs to watch TV. When he left, I know I was upset, but when my friend comforted me, I felt like I was in love with her, not him, and that she should be kissing me and consoling me. Nothing of the sort happened, which is good, and my boyfriend came back soon to apologize and so the awkward night drug on…
My life revolves around my boyfriend right now, so I only have two close friends besides him and the friend I was telling you about is not one of them. I know this upsets her a lot and it should upset me too, but I have such split feelings, that I don’t know if I should just let her go so I don’t have to deal with this anymore or if I should dump my boyfriend of six months and ask her out. I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian, but I’m attached to my boyfriend and I know he really loves me, like he’s actually in love with me.
I feel like I’m hurting my friend and like I’m keeping a secret from my boyfriend. I am, but I don’t know what to do or how to act! I need help!
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I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy...
just follow your heart. it may take you places you never knew existed
Hey girl. I think you probably know this already, no one can truly understand how YOU feel or what your heart is telling you to do. But, as i have pretty much the same problem i hope i can help you find it.
also if you do please tell me! haha. Take care and be brave, do what you want to, and relax. Hope this helps 
I don’t know if i’m right but it sounds like you are really attracted to your friend, even in love, but more caring for your guy? That’s some feelings you need to figure out.
I completely understand how you feel about coming out. Relax about it and do it when you are ready (if you are gay), don’t rush into it. You need to feel it’s the right time for you.
As for keeping a secret to your boyfriend i can not help you for i am in the same situation. But maybe my experiance can help you: I knew i was atleast bi when we started dating, 6 months later i dumped him cause i knew i wasn’t attracted to him in that way but to my other friend (a girl). But we got back together again (a few times). He was really hurt and i couldn’t stand to keep doing this to him, i just loved him as a close friend. Finally i ended it for real but I still haven’t told him why = i’m gay (nor any1 else for that matter) so he’s totally confused and hurt because he thinks it’s his fault. I really don’t recomend that way so try to find a better way
OK, seriously, you are only with him because you feel bad, its out of pity, you cant even say straight out that you love him as much as he loves you. You COULD be bi, just not with him. And I will tell you, you can be bi but lean more towards one sex. Im bi but I lean more towards women. Guys for me are fine, but Im not COMPLETELY satisfied. I can deal with them but I feel there is something lacking. If you feel this way. maybe just accepting yourself as gay will lessen the stress you put upon yourself. For me, even if guys are great to look at, give me a great girl and I probably wouldnt be happier.
She loves you.
it’s never too late to do the next right thing.