Awkward

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Hey, so basically the situation is this. I am currently dating a wonderful boyfriend he is caring, kind, etc. All my friends love him. HOWEVER I have had incredible crushes on girls for years. I find myself checking out girls when I’m with him, and I feel guilty every time I do because he has no idea of course, and in a sense I feel like I’m cheating on him. So basically I find myself sexually frustrated and on top of that feeling like I am not doing the right thing. I don’t have the courage to come out, and yet if I don’t come out the likelihood of my being able to be myself is low. I can’t really come out as I am at a really homophobic school and I have homophobic friends. The worst part? My boyfriend is conservative. I don’t know how I really get myself into these kinds of situations….but at the same time since I’m unsure if I am gay, I don’t want to ruin everything and risk everything just because I have this intense curiosity. Sooo I would love your advice on this situation and most importantly on how you knew you were gay.

Also, another thing – all my crushes have been impossible crushes – i.e. celebrities, older girls, strangers who I will never speak to, but the ones who are accessible I never am attracted to. I wonder if I am subconsciously trying to prevent from anything from happening.

Advice, please. Thanks so much!

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