I’m a girly girl, I do the dresses, skirts, fashion stuff. No plaid. No cargo. No thanks. Skinny jeans occasionally. [:

your not alone sweety though i am not completely out most people know i am a lesbian but they cant believe it be cause i act so much like a girl. i cant really stand butches and prefer lipsticks anyway but when some one sees me and find out im a lesbian they think im lying. why would i lie about that? anyways i get your point i havnt seen many proud to be woman lesbians which sucks cause those are the only ones i like to date. i like women not girls looking like boys.

I am a femme, I love makeup, hair, nails, and to dress up. I prefer butch, but I like femmes too.

I had to laugh at your post…sorry. I completely and totally understand what you are saying. I am not out to everyone but I definitely like woman who look like me. The nails, pedicures, girly clothes and hair. Though I have found a few others attractive I most definitely want a girly girl no doubt and yes it is harder to find them because they don’t scream I am a lesbian but they are out there. Keep looking you will find one.

I had to comment to your post. I have been out for about 3 years now. I love women for many reasons; their softness, caring… but ALSO for their femininity. I just find women to be very beautiful. I guess it is not too hard to agree on this, esp. on this site! However here comes the rest of the story, I haven’t had a single girlfriend. I am feminine myself even tho I am athletic and so on. I end up always crushing on straight women because they are the feminine ones, not the lesbians (I am sorry no offense to anybody). The few feminine lesbians I met were so full of drama that I couldn’t get away fast enough. I feel like I will never find a girlfriend that is just beautiful, smart, caring, funny… Maybe I expect too much, whatever it is I have kinda come into terms with the fact that I might be alone for the rest of my life. I am sorry this isn’t exactly what you probably would like to hear from people who are in your situation but this has been my experience and I don’t expect it that it will change. It can’t be impossible tho soooooo I wish you the Best!!! I hope that you find someone wonderful and feminine

I love girly girls. If i liked them to be tom-boys then i would prefer men. Fair enough, i am Bi, but i actually think kissing women is nicer than men.

me and my girlfriend completely agree he he, honestly my ex was on the manly side, but I did not realise it until I met the most beautiful, feminine forigner.

Once I started dating girls just last year, thats when THE FEMININE lesbians started showing an interest to me and I never knew there were so many hiding haha. It is easier to pretend to be straight because it is more acceptable I guess, and people always have their stereotypes.

Ha ha that has cracked me up. Mmmmmm I have to admit though, she makes a soccer shirt look sexy haha

I’m a femme lesbian and so is my wife, and you would be surprised as to how many other lesbians are femme as well. All of our lesbian friends are femme too. We do love to dress up for other girls, you know. Even one of the women in Sex And The City (Cynthia Nixon) is a lesbian, and she’s quite femme, isn’t she?

If I wanted someone who looked butch, I think I would’ve married a guy. There are some pretty butch girls out there, but I prefer them to dress more feminine and wear some heels every now and then. They can’t just wear flats and running shoes every day.

Hey people can we be careful in this conversation to give butches the respect and appreciation they deserve? Nobody needs to date anyone they don’t feel attracted to but there is some stuff being said here that feels bad. Butches are the ones in our community who stand out the most and they take a lot of crap that is being directed at lesbians in general . . I think some respect and appreciation is in order. You don’t have to date or like anyone you don’t like but hey let’s have some appreciation for all of the millions of different ways that women can look hot.

And a little respect for the fact that people have a lot at stake in how they present themselves, and that butch lesbians are carving out space in the gender spectrum that really didn’t exist before them. They are doing important work in their self-presentation. If you have ever dressed like a guy and not been totally harrassed, then you owe a debt of gratitude to many brave butches who have gone before you who have done a lot of work to make masculinity something that women are “allowed” to wear. Femininity can be beautiful but it can also be a trap. We need women doing all kinds of different things with their personal presentation in order to keep us all free. And freedom is sexy.

Anyone interested in the meaning of the butch/femme dynamic should read Leslie Feinberg’s book Stone Butch Blues. Read that book and then tell me if you feel like saying one more careless word about butches.

Butch lesbians are completely different from men and I find that formulation (that if you wanted a masculine woman you’d go for a guy) pretty upsetting. It reduces people. We get reduced enough by the outside world. We don’t need to do it to ourselves.

thank u arugula rose. that was very well put. i really appreciate ur explanation. but i agree with those femmes who commented too. femmes r cute and hot. but butches rock the world :):)

im butch and i like femmes.

I’m not ‘out’ yet, as I am married (about to leave him, actually) but I think I am a pretty feminine woman who occasionally looks ‘in between’. I always wear jewellery and makeup when I go to work/out and even though I usually wear pants, I like dresses, lacy tops and long hair etc. I am attracted to femminine women too, but also women who are a little ‘boyish’ but not butch (sorry, lovely ladies!). If I end up coming out, I will not change the way I dress at all. A few friends know how I really feel and are not aurprised about it and said not to change a thing if I do come out.

I’m so new at this and not even sure where to classify myself…..I like to dress up, wear jewelry and makeup, and can wear the hell out of high heels, but I’m a tomboy at heart and love to get dirty on occasion. The girl I am interested in is more of a jeans/t-shirt kind of girl and I find her VERY sexy…….not because I like her jeans……but because she has a great personality and that’s what drew me in. I think we need to be more focused on what makes each person unique on the inside and not be so enamored with the “outside” facade each portrays. Afterall, we are all beautiful woman!

Lesbians are just women who are sexually interested in women. People like doing different things and dressing in ways that make them feel comfortable. Doing certain activities or wearing certain clothing doesn’t make someone womanly or manly. I have always been a lesbian. I like women and what a woman wears is not an issue for me. She can wear a dress or pants, makeup or no makeup, have long short or no hair. I’m still not sure what women mean when they say they like femme women. I think some women who want “femme” women are seeing “femme” lesbians and just assume they are “straight”. Do you want a woman to wear a dress and makeup all the time or just when you go out together? Educate me.

I love lesbians special women older in 30s

i am a femme, i play guitar, i paint my nails, i wear thin cute flannles, and skinny jeans with a band tshirt or just a tanktop. i think some butches are sexxy as fuck, everyones different though. ive never been in love with a butch, but its not because their butch, just because i click with them differently it seems then i do with other femmes, see i have my “oh im the guy in the relationship” moments, and i have my girly “baby can you get this for me” moments. i dont have a specific type of of person, im gonna fall for who im going to fall for, it is though extremely hard to find a sexy small funny, understanding, experianced and also down to earth femme,its hella hard, what ends up happening to me, is straight girls fall for me, then i end up being their experiment. and its fun but annoying also. a lot of straight girls end up having a thing for me before i even let them know im gay, but im soooo picky, that im single and im not getting with anyone just to settle with them for now. id rather be single and have my freedom, but yess its kinda tough to find femmes that are actually your type, but theres sooooo many lesbians around now, so some people are still getting use to the fact that being gay is getting to be popular. so a lot of girls just arent ready to come out, or their still in denial, after every year passes thats probly like another 100 girls that come out lol we all just gotta be patient. theyll come to us!! im just doin my own thing, not searching for a girl. just let em come!!

Arugula, I want to kiss you for saying that.

Thank you, not for standing up for butch, but for being a woman with a thought in her head.

K I have a somewhat related question.. I’m (definitely) femme and very attracted to butch girls. EVERYONE seems to think I’m straight though.. On a date I was even told I seemed too straight. So am I always going to have to make the first move? Or is there something I’m completely missing here?

Dear pippin, thank you for your encouraging message.

To haha, I think that is so incredibly rude to tell someone they seem “too straight.” Unless you had been talking to your date about wanting to get together with a guy– anything short of that, I just think your date was very rude. Nobody should need to conform their personal appearance in order to validate a group membership. And least of all should that be something that comes up on a *date* . . sheesh that woman really needs to learn some new moves. Why would she go out with you in the first place if she thought that, just to criticize you and make you feel bad?

Don’t take what she said as indicating a problem about you. She said that because she has a problem. Her own identity must be built on shaky foundations for her to be interested in propping it up by being critical and scrutinizing of others. The right response to her would have been a withering gaze or a simple silence, refusal to engage.

If you really like to stay in the femme role, then instead of making a first move, you can perfect the long, lingering stare. Allow tension to build while you gaze directly and admiringly at whatever woman you are trying to lure. That can be a good way to get someone to make a move– just create a really really great opportunity for her to do so. A woman who is enjoying her butch role may decide to step right into the dance with you.

Thank you arugula rose

That was great advice, I’ll definitely practice the long lingering stare. I didn’t really take offense when she called me too straight that date was about as far as we ever got anyways.

Thanks again!

I live in San Francisco (I know right?) and a femme loving femme, but I’m 19 so I can’t really go into a lesbian bar and pick up anyone, I’m pretty much stumped because they all look so straight! Not to mention I’m bi and there’s definitely stigma with that, I’ve only ever been in love with women though. I feel fucked..I’ve been settling for guys for the past year or so…This might be more of a rant and a plea for help and guidance if anything lol

a heart for sale butches do not rock the world they got issues first of all they think they gods gift to every woman and they act like men they are dogs they controlling the y have identity crisis they crazy they stupid they cry babies they are just everything femme woman not telling you what to do or anyhting you can be with whoever you want but in my opinion butches are troble it dont matter what kind of butches they are there just wack please dont waste you time on them cuz they are loosers.

and i forgot to mention they are rude ,disrepectful,and ignorant.(butches)

Hi,

I just wanted to say I am also in search of femme lesbians, the ones who dress and look like women. No offense to other lesbians out there, but we are all attracted differently, per our preference, I say I’m attracted to women who look like women just like me.
Briefly, I’m not out and I’ve never been with a woman. I haven’t dated any guy for a while and I just really think most men/guys suck. I am ready to embrace this sexuality that I have been denying all my life. I’ve been inlove to two of my best friends, both really attractive women. And my love is never reciprocated because they are straight as a rod.
My problem is I really can’t come out for so many reasons. So now I want to find a friend in San Francisco who is somehow in the same situation as me. I’d really prefer a femme

Hey,

I’m not out yet either. I have finally reached the point where I have admitted to myself that I’m at least bi-sexual but in my heart of hearts I’m almost definately a lesbian. I think I’m finding it really hard to admit it because, while I was raised that homosexuality is OK, the message was that homosexuality is OK for OTHER PEOPLE, but I have to be ‘normal’.

I love to dress up (I own a few dresses, but its mostly dressy tops with jeans or trousers), wear make-up, jewellery, boots, the works! But I listen to heavy metal (along with everything else!), play videogames, love to drive, have no problems with mice, reptiles or spiders, I can be pretty physical and I work out, so I don’t now how to class myself. I haven’t even identifed myself as a lesbian yet, now this?! Femme, butch, lipstick, chapstick…AHH!

Most of my crushes have been on ‘femmes’ but then there was one who didn’t fit into any category. She was just so cool and amazing and naturally beautiful .

The problem is that gender and gender appropriate behaviours are socially constructed. We just associate certain things with certain genders. Labels can help one feel a sense of identity, but they also led to confusion and stereotyping.

Look let’s send the respect to all types out there that make the Les world what it has become and what it is.. I am not Butch however am not super femme either i and i can tell you it has been an up hill struggle for me also. Being gay isn’t easy and i think that is the key here, we all encounter difficulties i guess. Being straight is much easier in so many ways lets face it.. I can tell you NOW that much too much emphasis is placed on the outer, even i myself have been a victim of this. I have a few friends that are on the outer BUTCh looking however are just as soft and femme as some of my straight friends. Femininity is not your nails, hair etc it is what you radiate from within, i have learned that from having these Butch looking friends trust me.. The nails and the hair and all the bangs are just ways others feel comfortable to express this. I have always had femme girlfriends but i do prefer women who are not so looks obsessed.. Respect all those in our community first…
I know it is hard trust me i have struggled myself but it comes from within and then you will attract the girl that is right for you..

I came out in July last year.
Iv felt alone & not excepted especially in a lesbian group in my home town.
I am in my 40′s a lipstick femme lesbian & I felt when I went to this group the girls were racist towards me & I was singled out.
All the girls in this 1 paticular group are so, so, butch lesbians, my age or so who ignored me completely.
I def felt this group was clicky & felt they didn’t except femme females in the group. I went 3 times to the gathering & I was so upset because I was ignored, I will never go back there again.
I have searched for femme groups but to no avail…
I feel isolated to be honest & thats sad because I am normally a very happy woman..

I definitely agree with this, where the hell are they! I am really feminine and not out as of yet but of the few lesbians i do know they all seem to be butch. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it’s not what i’m in to. I am definitely in to more feminine girls (who unfortunately are normally straight…)

I’m nearing 30 and while I still consider myself an extremely liberated femme chick (wear make-up, cute always styled/but chin length hair, leggings, skinny jeans, and skirts…but I really love the butches. Somehow they always seem to know I’m gay (but femmes don’t right off the bat).I think Arugala is on the right track with the intense gaze, but I’ve always found that in the moment when I see someone who interests me, I kind of blush and smile. It’s kind of a childish way of flirting but women seem to sense that I’m gay and that I’m interested, then approach me. I’m sure that works for femmes or butches (I just use it with the butches:)

QUESTION: Before coming out I was always kind of known as a feminist. Since coming out I’m drawn to the butches more(soft or whatever), and really love playing the role of the little woman (I cook, sew, like doors opened for me, someone to get the spiders, protect me, etc). I find that romantic and I love it. Is that bad?

Interesting mix of comments and observations. One thing you ladies have forgotten. There can be only ONE QUEEN BEE. Sure I understand how you are a girlie girl and may be attracted to other girlie girls. So you and she are in bed and no one makes a move? Two femmes BOTH wanting to be the center of attention…..come on…think about it….it would not last. You girlie girls want to be pampered and appreciated for your beauty and girlie ways. I am not butch not femme. I always pass for straight just so you understand where my comments originate. With that said I only have super femme ladies as partners. My appearance would not give it away but I am a Total Top. The way you or she looks may be part of the equation but who’s the Top and who’s the bottom? I always found those dynamics the most compelling. Good luck to you all. Blondie

I’m semi femme! I like girls who look like girls and girls who look like guys and I am somewhere in between. I act kinda guy-ish and sometimes dress guy-ish but I have bright blue hair (which is apparently girlie!), wear girlie make up and show off my legs at all opportunities! There are plenty of us out here but we’re far harder to spot.

A lot of femmes are usually bisexual (which I formerly was and I know a lot of people wouldn’t put bisexuals as butch or femme because they’re not lesbians) and it could be an idea to go for bisexual girls because they’re often far more feminine.

Butch lesbians are easy to spot because they’re girls that dress guy-ish but girlie lesbians often look straight so we assume they are. Try seeing girls less as GAY or STRAIGHT and just as a girl and if you’re sttarcted to them and they’re attracted to you, then you’re sorted!

cornelia hilton:

This is a site where women go to talk to other women like them, not to give crap to each other, which makes me believe that 1. you are not a lesbian, 2. you are not a woman. You are probably a pathetic straight man who cant understand why all his girls are going for butches, so quit giving butches such a hard time, pick up a book and educate yourself a little.

Alright, so I didn’t read every single post here but I noticed butches/butch-bashing came up in a couple of posts (I’m not sure I’m going cross-eyed – lack of sleep but I just really wanted to post this before I go).

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what stage-babe406 initially posted. She just wanted a shout-out from her people (i.e. femmes like myself)… And… Where was I? Oh dear, I forgot what my point was xD. That was brief. I’m too young for that *bleeps herself*, but oh well. I dun even have the energy to bother about butches (I was intending to vaguely ridicule the people who turned this into somewhat of a butch-bashing thing but alas).

Aaanyway, about looking for femmes… You’d have better luck if you just came out. I didn’t mean to make that sound like it’s something easy, but unless you’re willing to hunt for femmes online (in one of those “same area” sites or whatnot) I don’t think there’s any way of telling unless you have an amazing gaydar (“notice the way she stares at you? she’s gay!” says the little gaydar) then, you can just sit back, relax, and let them come to you. Coming out has its pros and cons, after all, right?

Honestly though, a better answer could always be given, an answer I currently don’t have the brainpower to… concoct. But I’m sending this out anyway in hopes that it might help, even just a little bit.

Oh yeah, this also serves as a shout-out to all the femmes out there – rÄ•p’rÄ­-zÄ•nt’!

I totally understand. i am a femme. i love dressing up and making myself pretty and being girly. i cant stand sports or anythin like that though i obviously completly have nothing against those who do and those who dress ‘butch’ i also wonder where other lesbians like myself are. i am out and have been since 16 so most of the gay scene in my area know that i am a lesbian but at first it was hard because everyone assumed i was straight. the other thing is that most girlfriends iv had all said they prefered me looking butch…excuse me i am a girly girl and if you dont like me like that then you dont like me for me, why can gay girls not look girly. i also think that by lesbians themselves expecting gay girls to look steriotypical is steriotyping themselfes so its refreshing to se this question and these replys (:

I’m a Femme all the way! I have long hair, love (and wear) dresses and high heels. I love being a girl and would never change that for the world. I’m a lesbian — I love women. I want to love a woman. Not a woman who thinks/believes/pretends/feels like a man. If I wanted a man, I’d go get one — the penis comes free and real is always better than fake. But I don’t want a man. I want a real, beautiful, long haired, curvacious amazing woman.

Before anyone gets huffy and offended by the fish queen’s post, guys, that’s her opinion, her preference, her life.
live and let live, right? ;]

But… My, that was blunt xD. But then again, hey, I feel ya.

With all that said, I hope the butch thing on this thread ends. It’s by a femme for femmes celebrating (well, looking for) FEMMES =].

hahaha fisher_queen I’m never heard anyone say it quite that way before, but I know EXACTLY what you mean! I having nothing against butch girls (just like I have nothing against guys), I’m just not attracted to them. It’s refreshing to see there are more of us out there We’re just hard to spot sometimes lol

I am a femme looking for another femme in NJ. But seriouuuusly, how do you meet girls?!?!? SO frustrating

As a feminine, lesbian, sporty (but girly) woman living in Asia… It’s no different! I’m a US expat and the very few gay women in this region all seem to dress and act like teenage boys. I don’t get it at all! What rocks about women’s how beautiful we are – soft but strong, feminine, sexy,bold. I for one just can’t get the whole thing about women looking like teenage boys in ball caps and cargo pants.

all you women out there that are lesbians, are diseased, infested, low life, piece of garbage, brainless people. you should all be put into barrels of acid to burn.

Stage-babe started this post regarding her desire to meet other femmes and her frustration at it not being easy. Not as a bash to butches. I just want to say as a beautiful femme lesbian living in New York City and out since the age of 15, having a preference for other femme ladies like myself has proven difficult at best. When I was younger it was a bit easier, (I went to an all girls school) however, most of the femme women I dated then are no longer gay (If they ever were) or claim to be bi. I have resigned to the fact that I may be single forever. I don’t bash on the butch women but I do not prefer masculinity. My lesbian identity happens to lean toward the feminine mystique. I love and am attracted to the femininity in women. Although I understand that lesbians come in all “types.” I have dated only two butches in my life and did not fall in love with either. I had descent relationships with them, and it was fun, but I let them know straight away (no pun intended)that it probably won’t get too serious. They did make great friends though.

I’m simply not into duplicating the heterosexual paradigm, nor am I into roles, I believe that two femme women can pamper and cater to one another and make each other the queen bee. Maybe one being slightly more assertive than the other in bed (me) Lol. Or maybe not, perhaps there can be a healthy and balanced flow in the dominant/submissive energy in the relation between the ladies.
With all that said, I would love for there to be a plethora of gorgeous femmes out there looking for a beautiful femme like myself, but that’s just not the case.
I do keep hope alive and one day I believe I will meet my twin flame. Good luck to all the lipstick lesbians out there with their quest for love!

i have only ever been attracted to femme girls. and i am so femme also. i sound really bad saying this but i feel i am talking to a bowl of testosterone if i talk to a buch girl. i would pick a man instead if i were to choose.
i like femme women because they ooze femininity naturally, and i hope to get in this sort of relationship where they are attracted to me for the same thing. But it is hard to find, and you end up fancying you’re straight friend. But thanks to TV the stereotypical lesbian is a dissappearing, and i think more girly girls are more confident to come out. THank GOD. its a new decade.

I swear reading all this a year later has really frozen my brain n I Don know wat to think anymore.I mean, am a woman who truly n deeply loves other women. am also 19 n nt out at all to any of my family bt lyk in college almost everyone knows am a lesbian though av neva gone on a single real date in my life,so they all just think its a load of crap/am a liar/am just lookn for attention …..wateva I Don really care.now I live in Kenya n over here, its a lot worse because even finding a ‘butch’-if I may use the word though I really hate these labels- is hard,just imgn the trouble I have to go through loping for a ‘femme’.am telling u, it is so so hard, bearing in mind that over here it’s actually a crime to b in a rship with a person from the same sex n it holds a jailtym of at least 14yrs.so yeah I gotta agree with whoever said that it has to first to come from within u, n then it becomes easier….I believe that coz of the law of attraction according to the book THE SECRET……..ANYWAY, I hope y’all ladies that r lookn for her, no matter ur preference, I wish u all the best n may we find her or even each other!

it is very confusing to me as a straight man to see women going for other women today. half these women when they were born, must have been dropped on their heads. and this is the results. very sad but true, that there are so many lesbians than ever before. women have definitely changed over the years for the worst. years ago it would have been a lot more easier meeting good straight women, but now it is worse because of this. there were not as many lesbians back then, even though they still existed. now i can see why straight men like me have a problem meeting normal women today.

Fellow women, I’m as instulted by “so very true”s comment as you are, but please refrain from making comments as uneducated as his.

“So very true” you have a problem meeting straight “normal women” because you are sitting here making malicious comments on a LESBIAN website rather than being out in the real world talking to straight women. Why are you here? And hate to break it to you, but lesbians have been around forever just as gay men have. They were just more afraid to come out of the closet in the past. We are proud of who we are and we are not willing to bullied by insensitive, ignorant comments such as the ones you made. There is no truth in the comments you made. Maybe if you tried to be a little more open minded those straight “normal women” you like would show more interest in you.

Please leave this LESBIAN site and keep your comments to yourself

Bwahahahahahaha!!!! I sooo needed a laugh. Thank you So Very True”. You make my little problems “a lot more easier” to handle:)

I’m also a straight man, except I have common sense. There’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian. When people like “so very true” get bored, they have to go trolling on every website they can find because they have nothing better to do. As far as I’m concerned, there aren’t ENOUGH lesbians in the world. I don’t want everyone to be the same. In case any of you were wondering why I’m here, I was just doing some research on lesbian women because I’m sick of people discriminating against them. Well, carry on, ladies.

I like girls/women who girly-girl

couldn’t av said if beta crystal

Wow, I leave this place for a year and now after reading all these replies, I think my friends and I are not femme lesbians. LOL I mean, we also wear jeans, leggings, flat shoes, cargos, etc. If that’s the case, then no one is ever a femme lesbian, because for me, I don’t always wear dresses or heels and put on makeup and lipstick, but I try to be feminine and look like a female as much as I can. I think it’s the part of me that likes all the compliments that I get that makes it all worth what I do to look this way.

But why are we all arguing here? Isn’t the purpose of this site to just love one another? Like once we’re all naked, you can’t really tell who’s butch, femme or whatever, right? I’m sure that some butch girls look better naked than some femme ones!

Passionfire, I think yours is probably the most interesting summary of the challenges that femme women have trying to connect with others of like mind and heart. It’s all about finding women who connect on that very feminine level and embrace that connection. Totally agree.

I’m a femme lesbian and I have the same problem as everyone else on this site. I actually live in Atlanta which is suppose to one of the gay capitals of the world, but only for men and butch lesbians. I’m looking for a serious relationship and I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone in the “gay” scene here in ATL. Are there any femme lesbians out there in the ATL area?

It’s kind of a fear of mine. I live in NYC so there are lesbians everywhere, I just can’t tell the difference between lesbians and friends who are girls. Personally I am very girly. If I were to wear pants, they would have to be skin tight jeans or jeggings. Other than that I wear skirts and dresses. I can’t stand wearing baggy clothing or stuff that isn’t feminine. I’m also a danser. The only thing that is boy-ish about me is that I love basketball. I’m suspecting there are many other lesbians out there like me. At least I hope

I know this dilemma!!! I kind of just randomly typed something in the internet because I was having the same problem! It’s so hard for me. Considering I don’t have a bi/lesbian circle. All of my friends are straight (guys and gals) and most of them don’t really know my sexuality. I have girl crushes but I don’t know what to do. I think if you see me you wouldn’t even have a hint that I’m into girls, girly girls. Some of my guy friends like me and I guess sooner or later they’ll get the idea. I dont know how much longer I can wait, ugh! I need a woman!!!

I feel the exact same as Addie and FrustratedCloset. I like to dress up and look girly as well date a girl who loves to dress the same way if not more girly. It’s hard to find someone bcause the type of girls I like look straight so I’m never the aggressor because of it. After finding this site, I know there are others like me out there. I just wish I could find them in Atlanta.

I’m femme too; long wavy red hair, mascara, pink toenail polish. Everyone thinks I’m straight but for my 6ft rainbow woolen scarf;-) But I still haven’t met any feminine lesbians. Maybe we need to have a yahoo group or meet-up group or something. My town has tons of lesbians mostly the no make-up outdoorsy type. I want to meet other lipstick ladies.

I totally agree with you all! As a girly girl lesbian from Germany I have to admit it is kinda the same here. I hardly see any femme lesbians around or my gaydar is just not working All of my other lesbian friends are rather butch and I would love to meet some lipstick lesbians like myself. Again, no offense! So if there is anyone who’d like to chat about all kinds of stuff – let me know – I’m in
Also I believe it would be great if there was a website where femmes can find femmes. Or has anyone found such a website already ?
Ladies, we femmes should definitely be out and proud so that those who are not, find the courage to do so as well

There is butchfemmeplanet.com they have thread for Femmes and threads to get together by country, you can post Femmes to meet other Femmes.

Anyone interested or have another suggestion? so far I can’t find a dedicated place us.

I’d love to get to know more femmes, cause wearing my rainbow scarf is getting really old;-)

HURRAY! I’m not the only one! (In fact, there seems to be good number of us). I’m not out but I did try to tell one of my friends and she basically told me I couldn’t be a lesbian because I didn’t look or act like one(I want to see this rule book because it would make everything so much easier!). I wear make-up, I like nice clothes, I like jewelry (though I have a fair few piercings), I like to cleanse, moisturize, etc, I like shoes…and I like girls who look like girls!

I’m out and a femme. I think it’s just more difficult to “spot” feminine lesbians because we don’t stand out and most people just assume that we are straight. But we are out there.

I am fairly femme. I am attracted to other feminine women.

I’m a somewhat dominant, businesswoman-like personality (though I’m an artist); I consider myself to be of the “brunette” gender. I tend to be attracted to women who are more feminine than I am. And that does not mean that they wear makeup or have anything at all to do with what they wear; it’s a quality within.

I live in the Bay Area and although you would think this would be Lesbian Mecca, the default here is andro/butch.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m a Republican and I eat meat, either.

I am a soft buth and I can tell you there are enough girly girls that want to date butches. I have been out all my adult life and it surely helped me to sort out my own issues and understand and respect other people’s choices. By staying in the closet you are respecting a social convention that tries to tell you how to behave, you are validating prejudice against yourself, you are telling the world (and the girls you want to date) that you are affraid of being who you really are and that is not sexy at all.
Get out of the closet and have fun.

I am so relieved that it isn’t rare to be “femme” & love “femme” women.
i’ve been out for 4years now and as others,my gaydar is terrible. Perhaps it’s because the city i currently live in now is pretty uptight and the majority of girls keep to themselves?

I was wondering what key signs i should focus more on in body language when i see or talk to a girl i’m attracted to,to see if she’s attracted as well? thank you & i wish everyone the best always!

If a label helps paint the picture for you I am a feminine lesbian from Edmonton AB, CA. I take pride in my appearance and have a serious attraction to a certain special woman with a beatiful face, sexc bod and long hair. A feminine woman who also takes pride in her appearance and loves to dance and seductively move her gorgeous bod for me. Shes my queen and I try to pamper her the best I can. Ive been “out” since I realised how much happier I was with a woman when i was 20 years old. Sexually, its my fantasy. LOL. Reading this thread of comments has made me come to an epiphany. The reason no femme ladies can find their feminine match is because half of you femmes commenting on this site have said you are not out yet. Get the f out of the closet ladies theres nothing to be ashamed of. Trust me, the grass is greener.

Affinity: eye contact!! also if the girl is flirttttting, or visibly becoming nervous when you flirt or show off your confidence.. your gaydar should go off immediately

I really wish some butches will get over themselves..if someone doesn’t like dating butches and prefers femmes then its not the end of the world…your feelings should not be tied to someone else’s preference. just because some butches can’t imagine why femmes don’t need a stereotypical masculine partner to be in a relationship that mimics heterosexual gender roles doesn’t mean anyone has to apologize for how they feel. You even have butches that look down on two butch women together. We’re all women at the end of the day. Some just prefer an appearance that in reality matches gender role of women in today’s society..and that’s not wearing boxers and mimicking male mannerisms.

I can so relate to what the women are saying on here. I have been in long term relationships with men and now I am single I want to explore my attraction to women, but is it hard to find feminine women or what?

Lately, I have had a few women appear interested and flirt with me, maybe I’m giving off vibes?

But as far as meeting women who want to take it further, it’s hard!!!

I started reading all the comments on here, and at first I found myself irritated by what I saw as bashing. But as I kept going, I realized something. Nobody is bashing! Everyone is stating an opinion….an opinion based on experience, preference and a general view of what they consider a beautiful woman. How can anyone disagree with an opinion?
I can see how a few comments could be considered hurtful, but let’s try to look at it this way. If we can’t come to this site and say what’s on our minds, and give the opinions and advice we wish to…then aren’t we encouraging eachother to close our minds? To supress our views and thoughts? It’s already a struggle outside of our walls to be accepted…why continue the struggle here? This is of course my opinion
As far as femme preferring femme…nothing wrong with it! I say if that’s what you are attracted to, then I hope you find what you seek. Women to me are beautiful, strong and the owners of the earths seed Butches, I think you are all amazing in every aspect. You have put your shoulders back and stepped outside into a world that doesn’t agree with your views, and I think your courage is something to be admired. I think all of us have courage to be admired because we chose to love the way our hearts want us to love. Without the need for permission or acceptance.
I think maybe we should be tolerant of eachothers views and thoughts. If we can’t come here for advice and a shoulder, then perhaps we are taking away the only support that some of us have. I choose to be the help, love, and wall of strength that a sister needs.
I hope each and every one of you the best life has to offer, regardless of what you search for. You deserve nothing less.

Take care of you.

I am not quite butch and not quite femme, I’m just me. I like both, femme and butch females. Right now, I’ve been seeing a butch female and we are not necessarily committed and so would be very open to a femme as well. I think women are beautiful from the inside out.

I’m only 18 years old and started university this September. I am so confused about my sexuality, but i am pretty sure i’m bisexual because although i do like guys, i definately like girls as well – i just have no experience other than drunken kissing! I havent told anyone though because i feel like i don’t properly know myself yet, but i am really attracted to “femme” girls, but they all seem to be straight!
I really want to try and find a girl who i get on with and who obviously likes girls too, but i have no idea how to even begin trying to find someone! I know i cant exactly do this until i accept it myself, but i am far too much of a coward at the moment. Im scared i will never come out!

I am a young femme. But i dont really label myself but if i had to i guess i would fall into that “category”I am attracted to soft butch and femme women too. All woman are beautiful inside and out. I’ve always wanted to know what a butch’s take on femme woman was and if they thought femme women are attractive. I guess it would depend on the girl. I find butch woman to be intimidating but as a confident femme i am alwasy up for a challenge Be with who you want ladies, why limit yourself

Jesse I know how you feel! I myself have always been attracted to feminine women, I don’t have anything against butch women but it’s just my personal preference. I’m always worried that in terms of the women i get attracted to at University, they’re generally looking to experiment or act ‘wild’. It makes it very difficult to find a long term relationship with a femme. Sigh

P.s I’m not quite sure if this post was originally from the USA or UK (sorry)

hi,jessie,,i think were on the same situation ^_^ ahahaha…

Hahah ah this isn’t a good situation! The longer i leave it, the more i want to be with a girl! I just need to get the courage to go out and meet some i guess :p Hopefully we’ll all find that person someday! I live in the UK

:O I was totally thinking the EXACT same thing! I am attracted to girls because they are GIRLS! (Although I must say I still have a vision in my head of a shaggy black haired mysterious butch beauty in my head…) I am totally femme, despite my short hair. I can’t imagine wearing boys clothes (or covering up my bresticles!! >:O) But I honestly lovvvve both femmes and butch lesbians

I’m pretty much in the same situation as Jessie, I’m also 18 and I’ve been confused since I was in year 9/10 at school but it’s only this past year (2011) Its sunk in that I do like girls and I had a hard time dealing with it. I was really confused and thought I was bisexual but liked girls more and came out to my family and a few friends with this, but they know I’m still confused to whether I actually like boys.. But my heads the clearest it has been recently and I think im definitely a lesbian!
I’m not butch, and I dress girly I suppose, makeup etc. but I am In no way a girly girl, but not a Tom boy, probably in between the 2! And I’m attracted to girly girls, but like Jessie, I have no experience with girls apart from kissing… I don’t want to come out as gay until I’ve had experience with a girl so I can confirm I definitely am, but then again, how are girls gonna know if I don’t come out, totally contradicts itself haha.
I live in a small town in the north of England and theres not much of a gay community, I have a number of gay friends, but all the girls I’ve met are either butch or gothic, which I’m not really in to personally and the gothic ones a good friend anyways and that’s all!
There’s no gay bars, or anything like that, but my best friend goes to university in Edinburgh and I’ll be going up there soon where there are gay bars and places to meet people, and I wont know anyone so it won’t matter , so fingers crossed I will be able to clear up this confusion sometime within the next month haha

I am very feminine, dresses,high heels, makeup, the works. There are a lot of use out there, were just harder to spot because you cant tell we are gay.

I also need help finding Girly Women. Im a soft butch looking for feminine women.

I’m Fem. I love light/pretty make up, floral, and long hair. But I like the skater style too! Honestly, I can’t give you any good advice because I’m having trouble too. There are only 2 girls in my school who are “out” an guess what? They’re together! And totally cute together too!(:
Guess dating websites are my only out :/

Im a soft butch. I love dressing up but i have “guy days” where i wear my more masculine clothes. I looove fems. I dont think i would ever want a girl more manly than me.

I love butches. I’m interested!!

I still don’t really know how this site works but it would be greatly appreciated if someone could read my post and share your thoughts with me!!

You think finding a femme lesbian who likes other fellow femmes (like me) is hard… try an INDIAN femme lesbian who likes fellow femmes (again, like me). Hehe.

i feel so sad reading all these write ups.
isnt it sad enough that gays and lesbians have it so hard with the socalled straight society and now to bash on each other?
nobody says u should not have ur preferences,we r all female at the end of the day.im so femme and i love butches,studs because they do it for me but that will not make me turn up my nose at a girly girly couple.
no one is forcing u to go for a butch girl because they a whole lot of us femmes to fend off,and they know how to get the girls.
by the way any butch out there can give me a holler,i love my daddies any time.kisses

I HAVE THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM. I am a femme who loves the soft touch of another femme’s skin. Unfortunately I live in a rural area and I have a lot of gay friends, however the majority of them are more butch than femme. Which is distressing! I tend to fall for straight girls time and time again, and am currently in lust (haha) with one of my good friends, this is how desperate I’m getting! So all we have to do is wait. I’ll be moving to London soon after my A levels and will hopefully witness the larger gay culture there Best of luck to you!

I live in Sydney and still can’t find femme lesbians who aren’t crazy. It would just be nice to see myself reflected in this community sometimes. It’s not that I really want a gf right now, but I would like to know that there are options out there! I am encouraged by the fact we are all here though! And….this is something the butch girls are never going to understand.

I’ve only just looked back on to this site again! Wow Amber it does sound exactly the same as me! I totally agree as well, but yeah it is so contradictory which is so frustrating haha! I just really want to find out if I am or not. Did you go to Edinburgh and experience anything?
I don’t even have any gay friends, except for a guy, but in a couple of weeks its my birthday and I’m thinking about going to a gay club with him and my othr best friend (who i did tell that I was really confused and think I’m possibly bi). So i’m hoping that will help me some more haha..
Hope it goes well gor you!

I consider myself a girl who wants to be with another girl. Plain and simple. My initial attraction is all in the eyes honestly. If when i look in their eyes there is a spark and we are feeling each others vibe. Then so the love journey begins.

I will not change a girls style to fit my taste. Never ever. I respect every good women and who they are. We are all individuals for a reason and to know who you are and what makes you, you is a beautiful thing. I will always believe a women should be able to define themselves in any way they like, and when they attract someone, they attract someone plain and simple.

I’m 18 now, I came out when I was 16. It was so difficult I was brave and came out loud and clear as being gay, something that had troubled me from and early age, I thought it was just part of growing up. After coming out I was made to doubt myself because of the way I am (I’m not uber masculine I have long hair and tend to dress femme) after the doubt I questioned whether or not I was bisexual, but the only problem there was the fact that I am not attracted to men in the slightest the thought of it makes me sick! So I cut my hair off and dressed like a dude to get it through to people I am who I am, this worked it really did but I just didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t like feeling that way it just wasn’t who I was. So now I have grown my hair back and dressed more femme, and what happened the whole are you gay, what made you “choose” to be gay?! Can a girl not be gay unless she looks like a dude? I have been with my girl for almost 2 years, she’s slightly masculine and I love her with everything I have. But she was never my type I loved femme girls with all their femininity radiating, that failed because they all actually where straight! So what are we supposed to do?

I’m bi! I don’t like putting a label on girls also I don’t know what my type would be called but I like girls that aren’t so girly. Ok here it goes have you guys watched the L word? Well my exact type of woman would be Carmen <3 she's bad ass down to earth sexy . She has it all! That's the type I want. That she's not nagging or prissy. I love sporty chick that look good in heals from time to
ime. Thats how I am too.

I’m the same way! I am femme and would prefer a femme also.

Sometimes I fear that I’m the only completely femme lesbian in Leeds… I’d love to get in touch with some girls who are like me. You can find me over at my blog,
http://shebeginstosee.blogspot.com

Lea x

I soo “ID” with #seema# im from south africa legal as it is in practice its kak hard…i doubt i’l ever tell my family, religion an all of that crap,but ive knows for 3yrs now, i moved to capetown for abit of liberation then theres the issue of race/colour damn its just soo hard! By the way guys…does any of u know of legit pen pals, i totally would love one:) #help a girl out# haha i jst loved readin this thread all of u femme butch or whatever u r all amazing wow

I’m a femme. I wear makeup, jewelry, and like to dress Classic Lolita style. I am very femenine, and like art and antiques.
There arent very many lesbians in my area besides butches. Bummer.

Personally, I like women who are more masculine then myself. I like that dynamic, and its what does it for me. Yet all the women who seem to express interest in me are always more femme… and I have yet to meet a girl who I want to date, who wants to date me.
It’s just frustrating, on any side of the spectrum when you cant seem to attract what your attracted to. My big question after going threw this blog is, how does this happen so often?! What is it about ourselves that makes it so hard to be appealing to the type of women we find appealing?

Hmm..

I like femme or the girly girl type.. I am a butch by the way. A typical butch who dresses like a man. And I like it that way. email me.

I think im bi, but as time goes by im thinking duh maybe im im a full pledge lesbin hehehe. Im not out yet, which make me very sad as our country is so very closed minded and the place im living in doesnt support it very much. Im a chapstick one it think, my usuall get up is shirt and pants but oftentimes i like to dress up put my make up on and so on and so forth. I like femme ones but not the overly lipstick or the butch ones. I want my girl to be the same as me. But the problem is everyone assumes im straight. too bad it may take long before im coming out of my closet and my gaydar is lame. I’ve never been with a girl but i believe im destined to be with one.

I am a feminine woman who wants a feminine woman also. I am not out and don’t know how to be. All my life I’ve been a sex symbol type. Men seem to flock around me and I don’t even care. I’m a singer in a band and also own a business. I know that my home town would just blow up if people found out about me. I just recently watched Chely Wrights documentary about “coming out” and it was like me, my life, minus the fame tho. I wish I had her courage. If I had her fame, her friends and her money… I probably would. I am so scared. I’d love to find love. I’ve been married 2ce (to men) and am now in a 5 year relationship (living with) a man I care about but do not and can not love like a lover. It’s an act for me and it sucks. there have only been 2 men in my life that actually turned me “on” and they were both very femme internally, even tho they were gorgeously masculine on the outside. But because of my inner most desires, it couldn’t work for ever. anyway, this has been a great release for me… thank you to who ever is reading this, for letting me vent. Now I’ll go back to hiding.

yes femme right here hit me up

I have been having a hard time with the same thing. I am out, not to my family yet (except for my father) but he doesnt take me seriously. It’s just that i cant find another femme!

High heels, nails done, beautiful hair, and all made-up right here! I LOVE being a woman.

I don’t want to be a downer, but I’ve been out since I was in grade 9 (am 37 now) and have only had one relationship – in 1996- which lasted a year with another femme who couldn’t stand up to her family about her being gay. Since then, I’ve become very disillusioned to the point where I feel as if coming out was a waste of my life – why finish college/get a great job/etc when it’s just going to be me, coming home to an empty place? These things begin to weigh you down.

We live in a very ironic time because there are iPhone apps and online personals and you name it – all kinds of sites that cater to us so we can find one another. That’s great, but here’s the thing: those who are sort of coming out now, in 2012, have never had to get out there in real life as a gay woman and ‘wear it’ – when you’re online sharing your life, it’s one thing – being seen with another woman in public (who may be the woman of your dreams for the first time) is very, very scary and amazing all at once. I had the luxury of going through these feelings at 16. Unfortunately, I have grown to find that other women are at that stage much later while I’ve been there/done that and am ready to spend my life with a feminine, confident woman who loves life. It’s not happening and after looking for 16 years, I just think there aren’t enough gay women to match up by ‘preference’ so that we even out. Moving to a big city with lots of gay women is great, if you can afford the high rents in these places. I couldn’t do it any more.

The other thing is fewer gay people are even coming out – they’re now hiding in online chat rooms WAITING for a reason to come out. Think about it – if we are all waiting for that ‘perfect girl’ to enter our lives (which doesn’t seem to be happening), then nobody’s ever going to find anyone, and the gay marriage fight will have been for nothing, since so many of us aren’t even finding anyone to go have coffee with. You can not substitute real-life interactions with lesbians with what you see and hear online. Many gay women DO fit the stereotype. If you are expecting a high school cheerleader; good luck, so is just about every other gay girl, and you’ve got about 100,000 women ahead of you in line waiting for the same girl you are. What I’m saying is that our expectations are really unrealistic based on real-life lesbians. We are blurred between the fantasy of the girls we wish were gay and the reality of the women who really are gay – after much travelling and searching, I can’t really say anything uplifting – the story is the same in any city, and the most common complaint with these iPhone apps is that, in any city, it’s the same 15-20 girls all the time locally with online profiles, and also a lot of them will sound so great and connected online and then never show up or call after a noshow. They’re not ready, and worse, they don’t have the manners to let you know that.

Life’s not fair. But even though we don’t seem to be meeting each other, it’s nice to know there’s still some of us out there. Why can’t we be successful in meeting and making something happen? Are we all so socially awkward that we just don’t know what to do around other lesbians? Are we too competitive with each other? Or are we afraid of rejection? I think it’s a little of all the above. Much love from Ontario, Canada.

I’m a middle of the road femme, not ultra or lipstick, and I find it very hard to meet other lesbians because they are caught up on that femme-butch thing. I”m not buthcy enough or femme enough, and some women want to pigeonhole me. I consider myself a femme with an edge. I prefer other feminine women, but not necessarily lipstick lesbians. I like earthy lesbians like myself. I am not attracted to masculine women, although they seem to be the ones who are attracted to me. To the femmes I am not butch enough even tho I sometimes wear skirts and dresses and paint my nails, but I prefer to wear jeans and a t-shirt. I feel some lesbians aren’t comfortable in their own skin and it translates into their relationships. It is becoming harder and harder to meet women, especially drama-free ones with no exes still hanging around.

Hi, Im 22 female from the UK – Essex im Looking for a Gf im femme ,all I find is the wrong kind of girls(players)
If anyone is in the same boat then my email is Louisey_t@hotmail.com iv never been on this site before. xx

Happy to see this thread still semi active. Problem is being femme in the “community” (where I came from) has quite a bit of stigma attached to it. I will never forget my first time in a “gay bar” and being asked (he meant it as a compliment) if I was a new drag queen in town!! As years went on, I found that to be myself (make up, hair, pretty cool sparkly outfits) was frowned upon by the other women (lesbians) so I changed. No make up, hair rarely coffed, nails bare and have become completely miserable. Thankfully, I have options as the woman I am partnered with loves me and what is outside is simply window dressing. My self esteem has taken a nose dive into no longer really caring how I look and starting right now I’m going to stop that. Let’s enjoy the freedom that was fought so hard for us and just be ourselves, loving that other that makes our heart sing.

I’m in a similar situation as Jessie. I am 19 years old and a little confused about my sexuality. There have been two accounts in my life where i was inches away from kissing a girl. I didn’t know what was going on with me at the time. One of those accounts was with this girl who was in college and the other was during my younger years. During my sophomore year of highschool I would go to the rec sports center at the university that my dad teaches at to work out. One day i was sitting in the car and i saw this woman walk by. She smiled at me and looked at me and i looked at her and started to get this weird/amazing feeling inside me. I don’t know how to explain it.

Anyway, she was so beautiful and i had this strong attraction to her that i had never experienced before. I didn’t know anything about this girl, not even her name, and i was just so drawn to her. I haven’t felt that same attraction towards any guys yet. Even when i dated this one guy in highschool for almost a year, i never experienced that same attraction. One day i decided to kiss him to see if it would clear things up, but it just made it more confusing for me. There wasn’t any sparks or anything that i was expecting for a first kiss. That’s why i am confused. I tell myself that i am a straight girl, but deep down i feel like that it might not be true. I’ve never kissed a girl, I’ve never made out with a guy, or had sex with a guy(Yes, I am a virgin). I really like guys and think some of them are handsome, but i am starting to realize now that i like girls too, and i just don’t know what to do. Please help.

I really like being a femme that actually likes other chicks, but it’s harder since people just don’t notice you’re a lesbian! many many times I’ve been out with my friends and just wanted to kiss the damn girl but she’d never get that I was flirting with her neither that I am gay so she’d just be with another girl. dunno what to do there

This is back to Polly. I am 26, and in the same exact boat as you. I am attracted to men and women but definitely more so to men. I am not super feminine but no one would guess I was attracted to women because I give off a pretty innocent/dorky persona. And also because I am generally attracted to guys, if I am sucked into conversation I tend to comment on men that I find attractive. This of course are conversations with other women so I cannot just bust out with talk on the type of woman I’m attracted to since I’m not exactly “out”. I’d say I’m less confused than you since I know very much that I love me some ladies, particularly feminine women. I’ve also never kissed a girl and am a virgin but that does not mean you need to physical to realize what you like. The best advice I could give is to try talking to a girl and see how you feel. But if you like guys and girls then own it! The most important thing is that you find someone that makes you happy.

What do you guys think us butch women are? I’ve read some comments and am surprised of how we’re categorized. Im a sweet, intelligent, women. Im not trying to be a man, yes I dress in a more masculine manner but my personality is surprisingly girly lol I also care very much about my appearance, work out religiously make sure my hair and clothes are on point. It hurts seeing some of the negativity towards butch girls. I get that it’s your preference, you like what you like. Im surely not lacking in femmes who like butch women but no need for the name calling. That is all.

If a woman feels confident dressing more masculine…then let her! It’s what SHE likes, she’s not asking for anybody elses voice or opinion on it. She’s comfortable like that, so leave her be:) I personally think “butch” women are Hot…but then again, so is every girl….femme, Stemme OR stud…you all are beautiful:) why’s there even a need for people to assume she wants to be a man? I see a guy with long hair, I don’t automatically think they want to be a woman! Their appearance is like that, because THEY like it, confidence is sexy, and if that’s what she likes, that’s cool:) x

I also randomly typed “femmes who like femmes” into Google and came up with this thread. Thank goodness for it because it makes me feel less isolated! Many of the comments on here are thoughtful and articulate, and voice a lot of what I feel. Whatever “type” of lesbian you identify as — it’s all good as long as you’re a good person! I just happen to prefer more traditionally feminine looking women, and I’m one of them myself. I’m also bisexual and married to a man, and all my lesbian friends are coupled and busy with their lives, &/or live far away. It’s VERY hard to find another “femme,”to date, let alone one who is in a similar situation — someone who wants to have a light romantic friendship (which my husband would be ok with, btw). I’ve always been envious of women who looked more the stereotypical lesbian role because they didn’t have to go out of their way to announce their preferences to the dating pool. At the same time I recognize it’s sometimes easier to look more traditionally “straight,” so you face less scrutiny from the hetero community. But back to 1 of the gripes in this thread: how do you find other femme women, especially if you look so feminine that few people EVER detect you’re lesbian or bi, even among the LGBT community? I’ve had minimal luck in bars and frankly I don’t like bar scenes. The closest LGBT community center to my house is almost an hour away. I live a busy life and I also don’t have time to troll the internet for dates. I’m sick of having crushes on straight women! Currently I have a bunch of fellow moms I hang out with and I’m attracted to 2 or 3 of them. They will never reciprocate my feelings! I didn’t think I’d get to be 40 years old and have so little luck with women. The bright spot is that there seem to be many women on here in a similar situation. I don’t know the rules of this site but is there a way for us to private message each other if we are interested in getting to know each other 1 on 1? Just a thought. I’ll surf around the site to see what it’s all about. Good luck to everyone! xox

Wow, I am so happy that I found this on google. I’m 20 years old from the U.S. and my sexuality was always something I pushed aside. I found myself attracted to girls in my early high school years but never thought too much into it because I was afraid of what it could mean. I went off to a different state for college and fell deeply in love with a girl and carried out a relationship with her that was very public. We are broken up now, but I have not met anyone else who is bi, like me, or lesbian who is very femminine. Both my ex-girlfriend and I were even told that we were a very rare couple. The two of us are as femminine as they come, both loved to do each others’ hair and makeup and go shopping and were up to date with the newest styles and took pride in looking good. I feel so much better now that I read this, it’s good to know that we aren’t alone. Thank you so much for this.

Ahh, if only places where femmes seeking femmes can really “meet” and go! I’m open about my sexuality but always labeled as “straight” and when people find out I’m gay they never believe me. Although, I’m used to this and fine with it…it’s very hard to find other femmes to relate to, be friends with and have a relationship with especially in Chicago where I’m from. Not sure if they block facebook names and urls but feel free to “friend” me on facebook . You can find me by searching Nicole Quattrocki.

I feel you on the whole femme thing. It is funny how relative ‘femme’ can be though. With my straight girlfriends, I’m wayyy less feminine than them (not butch, but not high maintenance shopping and makeup all the time kinda girl), but in the lesbian community I’m definitely on the femme-ier side – I like wearing dresses, I like my long hair, and I like wearing (some) makeup. I TOTALLY feel the frustration of lack of visible femmes in the LGBT community, and find myself attracted to ‘straight’ girls most of the time, hoping they will turn out to be secretly bisexual haha (hint: that pretty much never happens, at least in my case). I’m in my mid-twenties and have yet to have a serious relationship with a girl, which gets to be really frustrating, especially when it’s so easy to find a partner if one is straight.

I’ve also dealt with stigma in being more femme – girls I’ve gone out on dates with have upright questioned the authenticity of my ‘gay-ness’ because I don’t look the part. One girl even said to me, “You’re just bicurious, right?” I have also dated men in the past which really has turned a few girls off, which I think is completely hypocritical – why are you fighting to end discrimination if you discriminate others in YOUR community as well?

It also doesn’t help that I don’t share a lot of stereotypical lesbian tastes – I don’t like the L Word, I’m not a vegetarian, and I don’t like Teegan and Sara. It’s hard to find ‘community’ when you yourself don’t feel part of that community.

Anyway, thanks for the post, it’s good to know there are other people out there like you. And if you wanna continue the conversation, my email is futbolera989@gmail.com

Hope you all are well! #femmesunited

there are sooo many of them….on facebook, twitter and tumblr.trust me im closeted but i found out that there are tons of them out there, although most are in the closet…anyway…find natasha panomaroff on google or youtube…gawd she’s the most feminine lesbian ever lived…and also check out jenna anne…that’s her ex gf.also a super hot and cute femme.and from that find many other femmes.LOL

im a fem, but i like the soft butch girls or slightly fem girls with a ‘butch’ personality.
they still have to be pretty and feminine figures, but i attracted to a woman who will look after me and hold me tight and be my big spoon. doesnt really matter if shes butch or fem looking its more the personality!

Question…I dont really fit into the butch or femme category.
I’m very quirky..I like to wear jeans and tshirts
really casual clothing. But not butch at all..nor femme.
Femmes are the most amazing creatures in the world. I find them so attractive. I just can’t find any in PA.
But I was wondering..what category I fit in?
And..are girls with personalities like mine attractive?

Hi there, this is the issue that I was experiencing too – where to find other gay girlies. Which is why I’ve launched Stilettos, an exclusive meet-up in London, UK, especially for handbag-toting, lipstick-wearing, high-heel wearing gay girlies! If you’re in London do join our group on Facebook!

@cornelia hilton I’m sorry you feel that way. And I respect your opinion and freedom of speech but I’m a “stud” “butch” more androgynous woman and I just wanted to let you know not all women who identify as such fit those characteristics you mentioned. I’m actually really respectful, I look at my woman as my partner not as a person I can control. I don’t think I’m gods gift to women, but I know some who do, but I’m really attractive, educated and definitely a good catch. Not cocky but confident. Well have a good day

I read this entire thread. These seem to be the recurring themes/complaints:

1) I love lipstick and high heels & designer handbags but I can’t find a lesbian who enjoys the same things.
2) I love women who look and feel like.. women (y’know, the way we’re born- butches and femmes- with the curves, voluptuous breasts, sexy buttocks, soft delicate skin, natural hanging hair) but I can’t find them.
3) I care about having a “pretty face” and don’t go out of my way to look and dress masculine, hence I am not a true lesbian.
4) I like to dress like 90% of the female population (not necessarily uber femme, but the kind of cute chicks who wear ponytails, tanks w/ sweat pants and flip flops to the supermarket. Y’know, the kind of chicks you can find everywhere). But the butches call me “straight.”
5) I look like the “average” women you pass ten times on the sidewalk. I run out of the house in a sundress and flip flops because it’s hot outside. I don’t necessarily wear dresses and heels every day, but sometimes I wear a dress and sandals in the summer because it’s hot and I like sundresses and sandals. (But the butches call me straight.)
6)Sometimes I go to Ulta and shop for basic makeup-light shade of lipstick, eyeshadow and MAYBE blush-but not likely because I prefer the “natural” look. Might pick up a bottle of perfume-hmm the Gwen Stefani one is surprisingly fragrant. (But the butches call me straight.)
7)I like to go to the beauty parlor and get my hair washed, set and trimmed. I always look like a movie star every time I leave the parlor but like, ten hours later the curls are flat and I look like I did before the hair appointment. But that’s okay because the curly look was way too high maintenance and I just need to run a brush through my hair and drive to work. (But the butches call me straight.)
8) These $70 electric blue skinny jeans look really awesome-especially since I lost, like, 20 pounds I mean (OMG!). But they’re $70 and I have to pay my phone bill but they’re so cute..okay I’m buying them. (But the butches call me straight.)
9)Man, I just came back from the movies. That movie SUCKED BIG TIME but at least the special effects were good. I went with my guy friend from college. It’s TOTALLY platonic. He knows that I’ve been a lesbian since like, senior year of high school so he knows I’m “off limits.” He has a girlfriend anyway-she’s kind of a b__ but he seems to like her. We had dinner after the movie and laughed about how much it sucked. (But the butches call me straight.)
10)I look, dress, and act like the females you see on line at the supermarket with a cart full avocados, Ritz crackers, orange juice, a carton of milk and Lucky Charms..I don’t look like anything special. Just a girl making a quick run to Giant cos I ran out of milk and Lucky Charms and I like to snack on them while I’m watching Mad Men or New Jersey Housewives. OOps I should’ve brought an umbrella. It’s raining. (But the butches call me straight.)

I am a lesbian. Just getting out there. I fit the description of women I just described. Nothing spectacular. Not trying to be anything or anybody. I have long hair because I like it–not trying to look like a femme. It’s just there. I wear jeans, t-shirts, skirts, dresses–whatever I feel like wearing because it’s CLOTHES!! I listen to punk rock and Mozart. I like the new Rihanna album (How awesome is “Birthday Cake?!”) I’m not criticizing butch lesbians cos who the f__ cares about clothes and hair and music and attitude? It’s about women liking women. It’s a feeling that all of us were born with. At its basic level, it’s an emotion. It’s not clothes, short hair, vegan food, biker boots, etc. It’s women liking women and for any woman-butch, femme, whoever-to jump in my face and tell me I’m not a lesbian, I would straight up knock her ass out for disrespecting me like that!

If not changing my look means I’ll never find another woman, so be it. I’m not pretending to be ANYBODY. This how I was born. Good looks, decent height, great breasts but a mid-section I reaaaally need to work on!

Okay. Great. Off to eat some Lucky Charms.

Gosh I think I’m a hybrid. I’m very casual when it comes to clothing, I sometimes do plaid but they’re girly plaids. No cargos. Always skinny pants.

The only problem is, I attract boys, not girls, which is frustrating. I kinda sometimes wonder if I’m not putting it out there enough. I hate having to reject guys here and there, I actually feel bad for them. In fact, I feel terrible for them because I’m hurting them the way some girls have hurt me. So I know exactly how it feels.

I’ve read most of the comments on here (still busy going through them) and I must say people focus too much on labels. I’m definitely a femme, but by that I simply mean I am very feminine and look like a traditional young woman. I exude femininity, both in the way I look and act. I’m a true lady You would never EVER guess that I’m completely and utterly gay. I wear make-up but I like the natural look. I don’t wear lipstick.. only on certain occasions.. I find high heels terribly uncomfortable and only wear them when I have to or for going out at night, and even then I can’t wait to take them off! But on any given day I much prefer a comfy pair of sneakers (feminine looking ones:P), flats, or if it’s winter a fashionable pair of boots. I wouldn’t describe myself as high maintenance either.. I look after myself and always look impeccably well-groomed, and I care about how I look. But I don’t care much for manicures/pedicures/painted nails. I don’t go the hairdresser often.. only when I need to; although for special occasions I love to go get my hair done! I love jewellery, I have my favourite pieces of jewellery that I treasure I like the natural casual look so I mostly wear skinny jeans with a cool stylish top, and have lots of pretty tops. Also wear leggings, skirts, shorts, dresses, coats you name it. As long as it’s fem, I feel comfortable in it, and I like how I look in it I’ll wear it! I dress cool and comfortable I’ll never wear anything I don’t feel comfortable in. I don’t spend hours on myself. I can get ready in 10 minutes if I have to and still pull off looking nice But if I have more time to get ready I will use it, as I always like to look my best As for feminine women not liking sport..not true at all.. I love sport, my favourite is dancing.. and I have played many other sports as well.

Most of all the above point I was trying to make is that I don’t feel like I fit into any label. I am me, and I like who I am and would never change it for anyone. I have my own unique personality and style and tastes and I happen to be a very feminine lesbian and am also only attracted to other feminine girls. I have had endless crushes on straight girls, always hoping they will turn out secretly bi or gay, only to be disappointed time and time again.. my heart has been broken countless times already over straight and bi girls..

I am in my early twenties and not out. I’m scared to come out for obvious reasons, but it’s also that I’m simply waiting to meet the right girl. If I knew more girls like me that would also give me courage to come out. I know of only one other femme girl in my area, but alas, I got up the nerve to facebook her only to find out that she only likes butch (sorry, but for lack of a better word) women, and describes herself as very “hardcore”. No thanks. Sigh, I tried right?

It’s terribly frustrating and disheartening. I long to meet an amazing women and fall in love and be in a steady relationship; I know what I deserve and refuse to settle for any less. I also refuse to date men and have never been with a guy. It would be a lie and I just cannot bring myself to do that, neither physically or emotionally. I feel no physical or emotional connection to men whatsoever. Lots of guys like me though and chase me.. It’s incredibly annoying! I can’t walk into a straight club without getting hit on.. I just feel very uncomfortable in that situation..(went with straight friends, not to look for men btw).. And it upsets me to have had to reject so many.. especially one really nice guy.. I like guys who have a sensitive side to them, but still feel no sexual attraction towards them.. I wouldn’t mind being friends with them though. And I find pretty boys nice to look at, but wouldn’t want to be with them on an intimate level. It all makes a lot of sense to me. I am completely and utterly attracted to both feminine qualities and feminine looks. But most men are just gross..at least that has been my experience.

It’s hard enough as it is trying to find another feminine lesbian who also is attracted to feminine girls, but it makes it even harder given the qualities I’m looking for in someone. I’m looking for someome I can really talk to and trust, talk deeply with as well as have fun with and go on adventures with, someone like-minded with good strong values who is caring, sensitive, kind-hearted, smart and interesting to get to know. I long to connect with someone on all levels! And someone who knows who she is! I’m an idealistic hopeless romantic and it makes it all that much harder.. Right now it feels like a hopeless battle and that the chances of me finding that are far too small.. I also fear I might be single and alone forever.. I truly hope I am wrong about that.. if only there were more of us out there and it were easier to find each other It doesn’t make it any easier that a lot of us are not out.. I’m sure if more of us were out and open about our sexuality it would be a bit easier for us to meet one another..

@lostgirl
I guess I do wonder about the same thing, sometimes it feels like the butch and femme types are on the forefront while the ones that are kinda in between are the more dormant type. Sorry I don’t mean to generalize about the situation or to categorize people.

PS. I told myself back then I’d only come out when I meet a girl. However, I ended coming out way sooner than that because I just didn’t want to keep it from my close friends any longer. They were very supportive. At that time, I wasn’t even interested in anyone, nevertheless, I was just really glad that I’m out. Consider the possibility that you might have better chances if you let close friends know you’re a lesbian. Who knows, they might know someone they could hook you up with.

@ash

Yeah, I guess it depends on one’s definition of femme. From what I gathered above, for many, femme seems to be synonymous with being super girly like wearing high heels often, painted nails, dresses and skirts mainly, as well as this image of being high maintenance. I find that too tight-fitting an image or label to apply it to every femme out there. What femme means to me is just someone who overall radiates femininity. I wear make-up too. I only wear feminine clothes, and have my own favourite styles and taste. But if femme is synonymous with the things I have mentioned above.. then I guess by that definition I am not exactly a femme.. I am in between like you said. By my own understanding of ‘femme’ I would say I am but it’s cool, I’ll be a hybrid femme

I didn’t mention it in my first post, but I did come out to a close friend. And she was also very supportive of it, which was awesome. I could vent to her and really talk to her about it, which was great. I’d also strongly encourage anyone who is not out to start by just telling a good friend, someone you trust! I trusted that my friend wouldn’t out me, and she hasn’t after all these years.. and I really appreciate that. And it does help to have someone to talk to. And yeah, if you have really awesome friends then they could help you find someone! My friend was supportive and treated me no different after I came out to her, but I can’t really say she helped me at all in terms of meeting other women :/

I don’t want to label myself either but if need be, I’m really girly in appearance but not as much in personality. I do, however, have a weakness for what they call “femmes”. I just had to jump on the bandwagon and admit it. Still, I try not to get carried away by looks. I guess that’s what’s important.

@ ash

I’m drawn to girls who look similar to me, Long hair, a natural look, a similar height to me, slim etc.. I don’t like anything that looks fake or superficial..

Just to give a few examples of some women I find gorgeous.. Dianna Agron! Especially in the movie ‘I am number 4′.. how she looks in that movie, everything from how she dresses to how she wears her hair.. to her voice.. *melt*

I have a major crush on Ellie goulding How she looks in her music video: ellie goulding – the writer *swoon* She is so cool, cute, funny, her music is amazing, and her voice and accent! *melt*

I’ve never been in denial, I’ve always known since little how I feel about women.. It’s not something I’m ashamed about it either, I just wish it was more accepted. It feels completely natural to me to feel this way about women.

Looks will get my attention but won’t hold it. There are lots of little things put together that will make me fall for someone.. I am drawn to someone I have a lot in common. Someone beautiful on the inside is really important to me.

i would love to find a girl that would treat me right and love me for me to bad i cant find her.

I was just wondering about the femme mentality if there is such a thing. I am a lesbian who always gets mistaken for straight but I don’t make an effort to look feminine. I like wearing my hair long, and I like to dress in a sophisticated manner. I read some of the posts and the people who describe themselves as femme write that they like the heels, the lipstick, the girlie things–don’t they tire you out–the heel ( which misaligns the body and causes alot of pain) was created to stimulate men, not women! I just think it is interesting that some lesbians are very particular about who they date. I date women who are smart and natural — just as you date women who seem natural to you. I ask about the femme preference because it looks like alot of lesbians like playing the role that heterosexual society has ascribed to straight women. As a side note, i was recently among a group in which a woman stated that she identified herself as a heterosexual woman–it would be interesting to know if the femme had anything in common with the heterosexual woman.

I’m 19 doing my second year in varsity and im fem( not completely though) and i just hate the fact that most of you here are talking alot of crap about butches..i personally prefer soft butch women cuz they very sweet people nt all of em are controlng like most of you say. Ive dated two femmes before they were both crazy lil bitches who wanted nuthin but attention .

Dear “the one”,

This post is more of a way to express how I feel, without being judged, without being criticized, just feeling how I’ve been feeling for the past several years.

I’ve had way too many girl crushes — many of which, had no interest in me at all whatsoever (they were just really straight or something). And always left me into pieces. And for the past few years, I’ve been working on my career to get where I want to be. But now that I’m almost there, I’m realizing that I’m getting older… and each year passes.. and I’m still single. I’m getting real skeptical and keep questioning whether or not she’s out there for me. And naturally as people age, more and more people become taken. I am currently 27 years old. I’m sure I have a lot to learn about relationships, but I just wish… I could find someone who’s patient with me, who understands me.. as I will for them. I am a bit quirky, but I’m genuinely good-hearted. Are you out there? It’s very frustrating that I feel so…alone… and at night, lonely. Will the one I find absolutely attractive on all sorts of levels really out there? I just know that if she ever shows up in my lifetime, I will greatly appreciate every inch of her tender heart, every aspect of her thoughts, and of course, every part on her body. I wish she was out there… hello… please show up… as pathetic as I may sound, I hope I’ll get the opportunity to meet her..

I completely agree with all these comments, especially the part regarding more feminine lesbians. I honestly wish there were more of us out there. Most people don’t know that I am gay, and those who do know think that I am only going through some type of phase, you know, since I don’t fit the lesbian profile.

I used to date men for a long period of time, mostly because of the reasons mentioned above, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I am tired of lying to myself or trying to fulfill other people’s expectations.

@ Joanne, you are definitely not alone in your fear of, well, being alone or not being able to find that special someone. I wish I could give you some words of comfort, but I feel the exact same way. I am 22 and I have never had a serious relationship with a woman, and I keep wondering whether I ever will… Sorry, I don’t mean to sound pessimistic, but that’s how I feel at the moment. It’s extremely difficult to find someone you can share your emotions and interests with.

Oh well, at least we are all in the same boat. It’s definitely encouraging to know that I am not alone out there…

Best wishes to everyone.

Am a butch,soo0 ova cute nd handsam nd femm dig ma swag much nd many of em fall 4 me lyk duh!!…dnt knw y url femm tok bwt folin 4 oda femms cz oviaz u can fall 4 me dou am a butch lesbo,so stop lyin 2 url slvs mahn#kynda suckx yaz

@ Me: If you come back around to this site, would you be willing to get to know me?

joanne

@ Joanne: Sure, I would like that.

By the way, my name is Dina.

@ Me:
I’ll give you a “spoof” email address. koalajoanne@gmail.com
Once I hear from you, I’ll give you my personal email address. Sorry about doing this, but I don’t feel comfortable giving out my personal email in such a public forum. But I do hope to hear from you…

joanne

It has been a long while since I have to deal with my sexuality until recently, the one woman I have loved since school came back into my life. I have come to terms about my own individuality and there isn’t any problem with how I view anyone. If I love you and want to be with you, your sexuality is not a problem for me. She was rather adamant about labeling me as I never identified myself to any of the gay community, yet more than half of my close friends are gay.

She would question me as to the category I fall in (not femme and definitely not butch, yet I keep my hair long and wear whatever I like), then ask me if I don’t mind her being so feminine (because she has it in her mind that I like the opposite – when in fact, I don’t but prefer feminine women) … And a whole load more.

Anyway, after a good one month of expressing ourselves, she suddenly turned around on all her words and promises and locked me out of her life. Drama to her, but confusion to me.

All you lesbians out there, be you femme or butch, please understand that there are those in between who have feelings too and a heart that breaks. Thanks to her, I now understand myself better. And despite the heartache she put me through, I still love her but will move on.

Cheers all. Be beautiful always. Be yourself always. Don’t be afraid. Love is what makes the world goes round, not labels and categories and how one dresses.

i know that i am on a lesbian site, and i am a straight man looking for love again after a divorce. i was a good husband by the way, and just wanted to clarify that. i do go out again, but i seem to meet very mean women that do curse at me when i will try to start a conversation with them. i did absolutely nothing wrong on my part to cause this to happen to me, and all i want is to find a good woman for me this time around. i know other straight men like me that will tell me the same thing happened to them, and it seems that many women that are straight will treat us men very mean. my question is, were many of these women abused by men at one time? if so, i can certainly understand then. but it does hurt us innocent men that are really trying to find love again, and we just seem to come across the wrong women instead of meeting the right woman for us. i am not ugly at all, and i do see that men that are not good looking that seem to wind up with the very attractive women. i just don’t get it. i am a good looking man, down to earth, keep in shape, and exercise a lot. many women nowadays do have an attitude problem, and that does make it much more difficult for us. any advice?, and i sure will appreciate it. i feel funny coming on this site for help, and just maybe you will be able to help many of us other men with the same problem. thank you very much, and God bless.

Try being femme, looking younger than your age and an orient. I’m currently in London (originally from Malaysia) and thought I’d have a look at the diversity of the lesbian scene in London. And it’s even worse to realise now that I don’t actually fit in anywhere. Women older than me think I’m “too young” and women younger than me are only interested in partying (mostly). I’m not a “lipstick lesbian” (what’s with all these labels anyway) but just like looking the way I look, long hair, eyeliner and all. I have no idea what should I do except to be painfully aware that I may forever be invisible in the lesbian community.

I must say i love reading theses things online. because you see i live in a xmall town where (haha) there are alot of “rednecks” and people like to judge here. i am only 15 but i have a bebeautiul girlfriend!!!! i.had no.idea i was lesbian until her…personally i am attracted to girls who look,act, and dress like guys….i am veryvery girly myself and people dont really.think i am lesbian because of this. There are girly lesbians out there!!! i guess im super weird because i…well WANT people to know that i am. if i could i would try to dress like a guy just because.i find it very attractive. but its not my personality. im bubbly,giggly,silly,bright,i say slanvtext words haha and i looove makeup and fashionso truth is…lesbian is lesbian. no matter what type,age,etc. i support it though:)