She’s not really a good friend… Is she?
Hello everyone, I am sorry to burden anyone out there but I need advice again.
My best friend for those of you that don’t know–I was in love with her for a year, she knew, my friend deceived me into thinking that she did like me back, but was merely lying to me for a whole year, just to make me happy, and to also keep me as a friend. Now this issue I have might seem like blah-blah-blah normal teenager cliché friendship drama, but I honestly have no idea who else to turn to when confronting these issues…All my friends are either busy (seeing that it’s still summer) or in another country.
I’ve always labeled this friend of mine too be one of my “best” friends, merely because we hung out a lot, shared tons of similar interests, and enjoyed each others company. But lately, she hasn’t been much of a friend at all. You can imagine after our drama of me being in love with her for a year and she basically crushed my heart it’s hard to still be friends with her, but I’ve been doing some thinking–About our whole friendship in general, even at times when I was in love with her. You see one time when I was over at her house I felt sick, and thankfully there was a plastic bag for me to puke in so that I didn’t make a mess, she immediately left the room once I did. I know she is a person with a weak stomach, but when she came back in she didn’t even ask or acknowledge if I was okay, she just continued playing her video games.
Now you might say “Oh that’s not bad!” Well yeah–That’s ONE example of MANY I can think of, but I don’t want to bore you all to death with the stories. My birthday was just in June here, and she mentioned something about getting a present for me, but I haven’t gotten one yet, and it’s almost August, now I thought maybe she just forgot to get me one and that’s okay, but then her birthday is now coming up, and she’s dropping hints on me about it, as if she’s expecting me to get her a gift or something. Whenever I talk to her online here, I always write something like a paragraph and she can only come up with like five words; that is if I’m lucky, maybe it’ll be even less than that. She’ll listen–but she really doesn’t ACTUALLY listen, for example, I told her this: “Hey! Check out my new webcam on my page! I think you’ll like it!” and she just said “Sounds cool, guess what I’ve been up too?”
Whenever I ask her for advice, even if it’s for the simplest of things like “What do you think I should do?” Considering it might be another problem with another friend, she always shrugs and says “Dunno.” Always blank for advice for me, I can understand if cats got your tongue for some things, sometimes you really don’t know what to do, but for her it always seems like she DOESN’T know what to do. Even at school–She never was even helpful, if I asked her like “Hey what did you get for number 13?” She says “I didn’t get there yet.” or “Not sure”, or even blows me off and says to ask someone else for help.
She never asks how I’m doing, I have to be the one to ask her, she always talks about herself and what she is doing, I always comment and support her artwork (On deviantart.com) and keep in touch with what’s going with her, when she does the exact opposite with me. Now some of you might be wondering why I put up with this, in all honesty, I’m not sure either. She is a conservative person, she really doesn’t have many friends or know how to socialize well with others so the friends she does has –she really clings on to, like me. I’m not sure if I’m friends with her anymore out of guilt, or if it’s true friendship. I don’t look forward to hanging out with her anymore like I used to, I almost dread it, but I want to be her friend because I don’t want to crush her, even though she has crushed me, I don’t want to do the same to her. She has told me she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend, or lose me in general, but I don’t know if I can be around someone who is negative like her any longer, or trust someone who has lied to me for a whole year right to my face.
Any advice anyone…? I’m so lost and confused. I need help, badly. Thank you.
Now,wit all yhu’V said,there’s no point hangin around this ‘friend’ anymre…first off, friendship is about,love,care,understanding,all there attributes,are to be given and received,btw friends,not one person doing all the loving and caring,and the other person soakin it al up,thats the case wit yhu,and i fink thatz nt fair…i realy dunno how yhu put up wit the rejection for a YEAR!….she ought to be all over yhu,caring about yhu,loving yhu in a friendly kinda way,for chrissakes she’s conservative,she ought to hang on to yhu cos yhu R dhee only frnd she’z gat…if yhur stil interested in the friendship,call her and talk to her about it,tell her how yhu feel about the whole thing..if she’s willin to change,well,everyone deserves a second chance,buh if she’s nt…pls walk out sweetie..cos if yhu stay,yhur life’s jst gonna get more nd more miserable.
I think that you already know the answer. It’s just that it’s so hard to accept that someone that you have so strong feelings about can be treating you this bad. She seems like a very selfish person to me and oh the part where you said we’d say it’s not so bad I actually thought how awful and selfish. I think you know that she doesn’t deserve to be your friend after all of this but you just keep hoping things will change and I ‘m afraid that’s not gonna be the case. Your “friend” used you, played with your feelings, pretended to like you just to make sure you’ll keep her close and she’ll be able to keep using you, to only listen to her e.t.c. I ‘ve been unfortunate to have “friends” like that and they treated this badly too, though just friends stuff it still hurt, and you must have it even harder. The best thing is to stay away from her. It’s not even like you’ll miss anything of her “friendship” she’s done nothing for you. But when it comes too your feelings for her… try to forget her. She’s not worth it neither as a friend nor as a lover and you’ll only be miserable if you’ll keep thinking about her. Distance your self from her, and give yourself time to get over her and try your utmost to be happy because you deserve it. And try to give your heart to someone who’ll take care of it next time, it’s too precious to give to someone like that, who uses you in this awful way.
My best to you, I hope you’ll be really happy in your life.
I agree with Rs. When you said you don’t want to crush her, I knew how you felt.If you want to kind of slide out of the “friendship”, then stop communicating with her online, delete her off your Facebook, stuff like that. And if you see her at school then completely ignore her. She should get the message. Hopefully it works, it did for me.
Good luck,
Em,
I have read all of ur posts on here, and I I’m kinda on the line with ur issue. I was in the same situation back in 8th grade, but my “best friend” stopped talking to me completely. She blocked me on Facebook and ignored me. I think ur lucky to have a friend that cares enough to accept u for who u are and dosent want to hurt ur feelings. But I do think she is being a bit selfish when it comes to ur friendship. But maybe she just needs a friend. Sure, she still has Jess, but maybe ur more suitable for her. Maybe she just wants things to go back to normal like it was before u came out to her. Why don’t u just explain to her all of ur feelings/dislikes with the way she has treated u. If she continues to do the same thing, then just forget about it. I’m 100% sure that the perfect girl is waiting out there for u, so don’t waste ur breath on her.
I hope everything goes well with y’all and that u don’t end up like I did.
i feel kind of like an idiot for saying she will come around to u quite a few months ago but now i also think u should get things back to the way they used to be and talk to her about wot’s up with the weired behaviour but if that dosn’t work, slid out of this complicated relationship u have with her and look for an even better friend, one that treats u with wot you deserve and dosn’t talk about her self 24/7.
just do what u know is right.
Good Luck