Romantic Friendship
Hey there. I’m new to this site and just wanted to write for some clarity and get some outside opinions. I have a very close friend with whom I have a relationship that has a very blurred boundary of what might be a friendship with “couply” traits. We’re both mid 20′s, openly gay ladies, and we did try dating last year in what was an endless cycle of togetherness and then desperately trying to establish boundaries so that we could remain friends. It didn’t work. We ended up making a whole lot of rules such as, no talking on msn because we’d spend endless nights talking online, texting and calling even after we’d just seen each other in person. No hugging, touching because the hugs would remain long and that only led to more and more things. I tried to date another lady recently but I knew in my heart that I just wasn’t ready, and my friend became openly jealous. All of the above rules we failed miserably at keeping. Nowadays, we still have tenancies to live in each other’s pockets quite a bit, despite being quite social with our circles of friends, and having busy careers. Although we don’t work together, we’re in the same profession and at night we’ll often meet to unwind and quite often this leads to us reclining on the couch whilst I massage her or stroke her hair, and occasionally vice versa until the early hours of the morning. Not in a sensual way, not like our disastrous dating period, but in an affectionate way. Now the situation is more complicated because admittedly I am openly in love with her and she describes her romantic feelings for me as grey (not “black and white”) But we do still enjoy this element of affection, along with each other’s company, and as opposed to my romantic feelings I harbour this kind of affection is quite different. I don’t want to try take it further. I just enjoy being in her company and closeness as she does mine. However, both of us once again must be forced to admit that way we behave is confusing. Like a lost, tech savvy soul, I consulted google for similar non couple pairs that behave this way and found the coined term “romantic friendship” People think we act like a couple. We have even taken several vacations together. We’re trying to limit the amount of time we spend together, while we establish our boundaries yet again, but we have no idea what boundaries to establish. Are we way too close for our own good? Or should we just stop pondering the issue, disregard what others think and enjoy what we have? I appreciate any thoughts and opinions.
I say ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE!!!
I don’t read anything that sounds like either one of you is unhappy or uncomfortable with the current relationship tendencies. However, should either of you start dating someone else seriously – that is when I would say it could become a concern or cause conflict (at least for the person she or you date) Otherwise, enjoy it! Don’t worry about labeling it
You know women are funny creatures. Very often the affection, close contact, the snuggling, well it is enough. We nest. You two seem to be dating with no sex. Who doesn’t want sex? You are afraid it will mess up the friendship, it didn’t work dating. Okay my honest opinion, if you are both okay with it, ok. You don’t need our approval. I will tell you though, if you continue, you hold each other back from being free to find someone who does want sex and intimacy and a relationship. You have to be free to explore that if you want it. What do you want in a partner?
There is no need to try and label your relationship and try to force your relationship into something it’s not. It doesn’t have to be textbook, as long as it works for the both of you then that is all that matters. If you are openly in love with her and she is jealous of any other girls you are seeing, which indicates she also has strong feelings, then you should just enjoy eachother and don’t try to distance yourselves from one another because you two are the ones who will be hurt by it.
I agree with jadeclark. It sounds like you are all in regarding a relationship, however your “friend” may not know what she wants. Maybe she wants something or someone else she just doesn’t know or want to hurt you. I think that if you are ok with the current arrangements and have no expectaions so that in the end you are not hurt than go for it.
dex
“Who doesn’t want sex?” – I suspect quite a lot of women don’t. We have been conditioned to think a relationship isn’t a relationship if it isn’t bonded by the ritual of “sex”. I think that has distorted our perceptions to a large degree. Romantic friendship can and should be as real and bonding as “sexual” relationships.
wow wat a romantic friendship. Its rily surprisn, al doz tymz u touch nd play doesnt it turn u on. If u wnt sex y nt ask ha buh in a kinda of a way dat u no best buh if u tu r nt interestd in sex den av fun nd njoy wat u ve gat.