Confused Gal
This post has already been read 253 times!
Hi there, I’m Reina. I’m 19 years old. During my childhood time i was like a tomboy. When i was a little girl i dress up like a boy and people will think i am actually a boy. Well all that changed when i went to high school. I dressed up like a girl. I flirt with guys and i like flirting and making them know i am interested in them. Some i actually like but mostly not. Just for fun only. And in middle school i practically have a crush on my friend who is a girl. But i didnt do anything cause i wasnt sure if i am a lesbian and i thought to myself maybe its just a phase. But like i said in high school everything changed. I dressed up like a girl. I wear skirts. Sleeveless outfits and such. Guys were interested. And i got interested in some of them. Had a couple of relationships. And most of them lasted for more than 1 year. But at times i still check out girls. I think they’re pretty or hot and stuff like that. And sometimes i think i have a crush towards them. So i befriend them. Give them treats and try to be close with them. But i never had a relationship with any girl before.
Now i am almost in the fourth year with my boyfriend. When we first started i love him so much. And we did a lot of things. But after a while i kinda got bored. I rather not kiss him. And i have been like that as i like some guys and after awhile once they like me i just dont have feelings for them anymore. And now i am interested in my friend who is a girl. She is like my best friend. And i had a dream about kissing her and holding her. So am i a lesbian ? Bisexual ? Because i sure dont feel straight. And most of my friends are guys. I get along with guys more than girls. Is that a sign ? And sometimes i get dreams that i am making out with a girl and i am not who i am. Sometimes i seem to be a guy but with my ownself but in a guy’s body. I am so confused. I am not afraid of being a lesbian or bisexual. I just dont know what my sexuality is right now. And its not fair to my boyfriend as i treat him differently. And i like shecking girls out. If they’re pretty, hot and etc. I have crushes on girls too. I just dont know what to do. So will u please help me ? Tell me what to do.. Or at least something. Because its eating me up on the inside. if u do post this i cant hear you ladies in the radio as i am in Malaysia. I would really appreciate all the help i can get. Hope to hear from you via email.
Sent in by: Anonymous
Location: Malaysia
Age: 19
PlanetSappho.com
if you feel more like a guy than a girl, it would make sense that you like girls, right? you might be gay or bisexual. if you are no longer attracted to your boyfriend, i guess you’ll have to break up with him. if you already don’t like him touching or kissing you, i think he should at least have some idea that something’s wrong. you can’t drag it out for too long, anyway. you should tell him the truth (except if you think he will tell other ppl and you don’t want anyone to know).
Obviously, the current relationship that you are having isn’t really giving you anything. If you’re bored and seem kind of detached, it would be better if you let the relationship go rather than trying to hold into something that doesn’t make you happy. It’s also not fair to your boyfriend to pretend that things are still the same as they were for you.
My situation has been pretty similar to yours. I was also really boyish, up until high school. Then, I’ve started dressing very feminine and becoming more girly. I’ve had several botched relationships with guys and I feel like I haven’t been able to connect to them emotionally. Like you, I get bored after a while and the feelings never seem to have any staying power.
Be honest with especially yourself and your boyfriend too. He might get angry or hurt, but you can’t help the way you feel. As for liking your best-friend, take things easy for a while. Gauge whether she is interested in you and stuff and just see where it could go from there. You might try coming out to her and seeing her reaction to it.
Wish you the best of luck! =)
I can relate to that… I’m a lot older than you though and more experienced. Hope you’ll read on and learn something.
Here’s my story: I was a tomboy too then dressed more girly in my tweens. I grew up in the Philippines with devout Christian parents which was hard cause they’d always preach and expect me to be prim and proper. Now I’m 31 and living alone in Toronto. I kept trying to convince myself that I’m straight by having relationships only with men that I felt a bit attracted/interested to but I got more emotionally involved with my then bestfriend (more than that actually, we kiss and cuddle and make out like lovers but she claimed to be straight but gets jealous all the time with men I was dating). I told her my true feelings and she was grossed out, called me names and so on. She really broke my heart so I stopped communicating with her cause she wants our relationship to be a lie. I vowed never to fall inlove with my girlfriend(s) again. I have had other boyfriends, just broke up with my last over incompatibility. (Not that I don’t get along with guys cause most of my friends are men – less drama. Lol.) The sex was not bad but either it would leave me in emotional pain or dissatisfaction. Such as with my previous relationships…
So I diverted my time and attention to the gym or going for long walks and people-watching at Starbucks while pretending to read a book. I’d always catch myself checking out pretty ladies and admiring beautiful women and when they look back at me I’d look away or pretend I wasn’t staring that long. Lol. I get sooo embarrassed, dont know what to do. I got this huge infatuation on my personal trainer, it grew on me for about 8 months. Oftentimes I get too clumsy because her presence from a few inches away made me tense and self-conscious. A couple of times she caught me staring at a young woman (because I couldn’t stare at her) and she’d tease me that I was into girls and that there’s totally nothing wrong with that. I was so close to telling her that I really liked her but training sessions were over and we rarely see each other…
I never really faced myself in the mirror and asked who or what I am but the question has been there since the beginning, “Am I a lesbian or bisexual?” I know now that I’m a bi and only jokingly out myself when people ask. c”,) Love yourself and be true to your heart. It’s very liberating!
i can relate to ur situation. I think the main thing to do now is u shd realy considerur relationship with ur currentbf. Be fair to him. If u reslly think tat u haf nofeelingstowards him,thenu shd call it off.
Bout having feelings to ur bestie, i too had d same feelin b4, n most of the time it turned up being true. Havgin dreams of ur bestie doin things like holding them, kissing them or even just bein with them spendin some close times together is some clear signs tat u actually love them.
u r only 19….dun fret urself out with this……there are many who r feeling d same as u now….btw i m frm malaysia too
Hey confused gal.. you shouldnt be confused over trying to figure out yer sexual orientation coz that is really not important. Gay, staright, lesbian or bi are all just labels and labels are better off fo clothes. I was in yer shoes befo. Had a bf, loved him, cheated on him with a girl with no intention, then ditched him and i’ve been dating girls and only girls ever since.
To decide on leaving someone you love so damn much is really hard, doesnt matter if it is a girl or a guy. You just have to think about yerself and listen to yer heart & yer head at the same time. Why lead someone on when you no longer hve feelings fo em? So be smart, chill & just take yer time.