Straight girl with a boyfriend… lesbian crush

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im 23. I have never really questioned my sexuality. Always dreamed about guys, was thinking about straight sex when masturbating etc etc…the only thing is that i always loved lesbians and was extra nice to them, was always excited about flirting with them… I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years. I met this girl at work 2-3 months ago. She was really cool. We talked a bunch. She asked me out for a coffee sounded like a date. Thats when i realized based on was she talks the way she moves shes a lesbian. She wasnt really hiding it either. I was like cool, put her phone number in my purse and forgot about it. Few weeks later i bumped into her at work accidentally while passing by with my boyfriend. I introduced my bf to her. After we left my boyfriend kept on saying how much it seems like she likes me and said shes really cool and he would love to hang around with her. Well anyway i was always just kidding around and hitting on her just because i knew she likes me and and it was intriguing. Up until.. we started taking long walks and talk.. and talk… and talk… and hug a lot… and cuddle… and hug… which slowly led to kissing and kissing slowly led to other stuff.. And then i realized… Um i never really liked having sex with my boyfriend I never really liked his body, when we were having sex i was always like thinking about tecnhique,  it was more like a job than anything. Never thought about touching or kissing his body it was all plain and boring.. i tried.. i thought i just wasnt interested. But with her… I am dying to kiss her, i love her body, i love touching her… That never really happened before. I actually do enjoy touching her.I tried picturing the hottest guy ever right now and still… i think girls would be hotter.. So im really confused. She also is the first person in a very long time that understands the way i think and thinks a lot. And not just focused on tv, dinner,sleep pattern. My bf generally starts making time harmless but sarcastic coments anytime i try to play my guitar or write poetry and stuff. With her we talk a lot about books, philosophy… Eventually boyfriend got extremely jealous… and like i dont know where to go from here… i had to lock myself in the bathroom because hes out of job and wouldnt let me go out of his sight for a second.. now i have to come out of the bathroom and face hs another drama. Im not supposed to have anything private according to him.He threatened to translate all of my diaries.. i write in russian so he cant read it…   I really dont know what to do.

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