Should I fool myself with this woman, please help!?
I am a 21 year old bisexual woman who has a huge crush on this 50 year old woman. I didn’t come out to my parents because I know they will not be supportive and maybe even a little ashamed but that’s the decision I am making. I tried to tell her once and she flipped. I came out to my cousin, it wasn’t intentional because I was drunk but he is very supportive and still loves me. I never had a boyfriend and since I was very young I liked boys and girls. I am shy to tell my mother I like a boy, so imagine a 50 year old woman.
When I have a crush on a boy I feel bad because I am always thinking of her. She is always in my mind.
People might say I’m wierd but she actually makes me happy. When I see her and when she speaks to me I have butterflies. She works at my grand-parents residence. My grand-parents moved into this old folks home three years ago, when I first met her
I really could’nt see myself licking her so much. At first she was very shy, I then learned that she took care of her two brothers and father when her mother died when she was young. She never married, I dont even believe she ever dated, neither do I.
She doesn’t have any childreen and the way she talks about men to me says, she doesn’t care much about them. She is not nasty towards men, the passion just isn’t there. My family sees her as if she doesn’t like either sexes, she is to no one, not men nor women, I do not agree, I say she is a lesbian because she seem’s to like me a lot. When I call and reserve to eat with my grand-parents she is always like.
“Are you also coming tonight!?“ She always touches my hands when she speaks to me. She sometimes want’s me to show her some of the new clothes I buy for myself, we lend one another movies, she want’s me to bake her some cookies. About a week ago I gave my grand-parents a hug before I was about to leave and in front of everyone she says “Where is my hug?“ so I go and hug her. I mean I might be crazy but is she into me or is it just a friendly thing.
“Are you also coming tonight!?“ She always touches my hands when she speaks to me. She sometimes want’s me to show her some of the new clothes I buy for myself, we lend one another movies, she want’s me to bake her some cookies. About a week ago I gave my grand-parents a hug before I was about to leave and in front of everyone she says “Where is my hug?“ so I go and hug her. I mean I might be crazy but is she into me or is it just a friendly thing.
When I give her hugs she never lets me go, she might need someone so deeply in her life she just wants a friend, but I want more. On Sundays there is a little concert for the residents while they watch it I go to talk to her. I can spend two and even three hours talking to her. We talk about everything and anything. I want her to fall for me, it’s just I cannot see it happening on her side. I mean, would you act like this towards a friend or towards someone you have a crush on?
The way she looks at me is not the tipical way a person looks at someone she has something in her eyes, something I cannot pinpoint and this is what is driving me crazy. She doesn’t look at anyone else like she looks at me.
I just need some advice should I try to pursue this and see where it goes or just quit while I’m ahead?
Hi, Sam. Well, let me start by saying that liking a woman who is 30 years older than you is walking on egg shells with some people. Plus, since your mother seems to be very homophobic, just going after her outright probably isn’t a good idea. But, if you feel like you really want to be with this woman, you have to follow your heart and at least give it a shot. Keep in mind, however, that although you pick up on signs that say she likes you as more than a friend, her conduct with you is typically just natural for people of her age group. The hugs, the hand touching, etc. are not necessarily definite signs of interest. You have to keep this in mind as you go about her.
The best way to find out about someone’s personal business is to ask open-ended questions. Bring up the subject of something gay, like a gay pride parade that may be going on near you or where your friends live, or just gay rights in general. Ask what she thinks about it, and if she has positive things to say, that could very well be a green light.
Don’t expect her to say something that’ll end all of your doubts. Chances are she probably won’t say “yeah, I’ve been to a gay pride parade with my girlfriend,” or “with a good friend of mine who was gay.” She might not even be that open about her feelings over our community.
If she doesn’t say anything that may hint at her sexuality, or if she doesn’t have many nice things to say about it, then I’d recommend either asking why she feels the way she does, or just dropping the conversation. If she says positive things, and you trust her, then I’d try coming out to her. If she knows you’re bisexual, and if she knows that you feel you can trust her with that information, then that could be one more step forward. If you get to this point, you can just let the conversation flow. Either way, if all goes according to plan, you’ll have at least some answers to work with, and you can go from there. Either (depending on what happens) you realize it’s never going to happen, or there’s a slight chance. I don’t want you to get your hopes up, however – not because it’s incredibly unlikely (it seems to be the same likelihood as anyone else being gay on this planet) but because I have a really bad habit of getting my hopes up. I think with some confidence that I have a chance with someone I like, only to be denied, and I get crushed every time. Just be cautious, and be weary of the situation.
I hoped that helped, and good luck.