Is this wrong what I am feeling?
I have never been with a girl before, so I don’t know if I am a lesbian. I don’t feel an attraction to guys, as I do with girls. When I see a pretty girl, I feel like there are butterflies in my stomach. I have dated guys in the past and tried to make it work, because I was taught that and I would get married and have kids with my husband one day. In the end I broke up with each guy, because I wasn’t attracted. I don’t know if I just haven’t met the right guy or it’s me. I’m only eighteen, and know my emotions can become haywire, but I never grew up liking guys I didn’t see it like other girls getting married in a church and swept off my feet. I haven’t told anyone yet about these feelings and it’s killing me inside, because I don’t know what to say and what I should do. I’m scared of what might happen if I out myself. I’m friends with a lesbian couple at my school, and they go through a lot of harassment from classmates and trouble from their parents. No one knows of these feelings that I like girls, because I don’t let it show. It’s getting a lot harder, because I think I am in love with my best friend. I always thought she was pretty, and I love to spend time with her. I try to keep a distance from her and hangout with other friends, but it’s not the same. I spend most of my time with her, and she does the same. She is always there for me, and I am there for here. She can affect my emotions so much. She doesn’t date guys anymore, because she says there aren’t any cute guys at our school. I said it long before her, but now she says the same thing. I feel like I’m getting signs from her, but I could never ruin our friendship. She says she loves me, but I take it as a friend way. She always touches me in certain ways that ignites my body on fire. This was almost my breaking point. The other day I was at her house watching TV, and I told her one of my friends said I was gay and asked if I liked girls, since I didn’t date guys. She started laughing and asked me what I said. I told her I punched the guy. She said that I should have told him I was gay and with her. She smiles and then walks away from me! I follow her and she starts talking about something else. I let it go. We are on her bed and she starts comparing her trophies to the ones I have in my room. I tell her I’ll count to five for her to stop, before I make her. I start to wrestle her playfully, and we are both laughing. I get the upper hand and I’m lying on top of her. My face is so close to hers. I want nothing else but to kiss her, but I pull back and my phone rings. I leave after that, and I haven’t seen her since, because I need space and I don’t know what to do. I need help please!! Should I come out to people? Should I tell my best friend I like her more than a friend? Please Reply
She has already given you indication that she likes you more than a friend so one of you should take the chance and tell how you really feel. Call her and tell her that you want to meet somewhere so that you two can talk. When you meet be honest and tell her that you like her more than a friend and that you would like a date with her if she feels the same about you. And take it from there. She will either tell you that she likes you too or she will tell you no.
Dear VeryConfused031, I think in your situation, you have actually understand what you want and need. Im kindda agreed with Salty#1 that you should call her and go somewhere that you both can talk nicely. Ask her what she feels and tell her about how you feel towards her. If at the end she say NO to you, then you know how to keep the relationship between you both. Afterall, you are best friends right. Best friends should be able to listen and understand each other. When you are on top of her, did she react something that offending your behavior towards her ? .. If the answer is NO, then you know that you have solve 40% of the confusion. And of course everything will be changed once everything is okay between you both. If she wanted the same like what you wanted to, then only you both think how to keep the relationship. Some people just dont understand what is inside you. And dont be afraid to tell her that. Go on girl … Good luck.
Salty and hilda gave some simple but perfect advice. As for how you feel about your orientation in general, just halt and think for a moment. No attraction to males? Attraction to females? Sounds like you’re in love with your best friend. Sounds like you’re lesbian, lady.
As for telling people, they don’t need to know. No one does. If you’re afraid to come out to the public, just don’t worry about it now. Your life probably won’t get any better if you do. And y’know, we’re here if you need to talk.
So yeah, go for your best friend. Seems to me like she’s giving you some subtle signals. And if she says no, trust me, it won’t affect your friendship. People who are really close won’t let things like this get in the way if it goes sour. But I have faith in ya, so go for it!
VeryConfused, try not to rush coming out to anyone if you’re not ready. You will have lots of time in your adulthood to do this, and you won’t have to worry about parents or peers harassing you. You can live somewhere liberal and date whomever you want.
As for your friend, has she tried to make contact or hang out with you since the day you felt like kissing her? If I were her I would be trying to figure out why you’re being standoffish all of a sudden. If she is effortlessly giving you space then she may be on to you. Either way, I always like to give safe advice. I disagree with the others on just pouring your heart out. I’ve done that with people I thought would be graceful about it and they weren’t. A safe way to go would be to admit that you’re curious about girls. Gauge her reaction. If she likes you then she will see this as encouragement to make her move. If she doesn’t she will treat you the same, and your friendship can continue on with her none the wiser…no awkwardness and humiliation (for some reason being bisexual is tremendously more acceptable than any other label). I recognize that my advice isn’t the most mature approach, but it works every time and it helps save face in a judgmental environment. Good luck!
If u like her more than a friend then, tell her instead of it eating ur insides, holding ur feelings in is not the way to go, next time u see her tell her u need to talk to her. But before write everything you’ve felt and hand it to her. If she laughs it could mean 2 things. Either she appreciates ur honesty and is having a hard time understanding it, or if she stands up and laughs that means she’s not interested and that all u can do is apologize for ur situation and ask her to please keep this between u 2. If a lesbian is who u r then there is no negativity, ur life will still go on, just not in the fairy tale crap way. And I hope ur life is as good as u make it, remember this is ur life and every choice u make is each step in a cobblestone path. Hope u r happy with her.:)