An impasse?
My best friend and I knew each other all through high school. We’re in college now and still close but there are some…complications. We have feelings for each other and have talked about it but she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to act on those feelings and be together. She’s afraid of what would happen if we broke up — she’s not willing to risk our friendship. I’m confused because she’s said in the past that she could see herself marrying me. If she can see a future for us, I don’t understand why she would be looking for reasons to not be together. If she can see us getting married, who’s to say there would ever be a breakup to go through?
Anyway, the problem here is that in the meantime, I don’t know how to handle the fact that she still wants to date guys. She has said that she doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t want to hurt me by being with other people, but since being with me apparently isn’t an option for her…
I get jealous of these guys that she talks to and now IIII don’t know what to do. Seeing her date some guy and be unhappy would suck because I would know that I would be better for her. Seeing her be happy with a guy might be even worse, because not only would I be wishing that I was the one making her so happy, but I would feel guilty knowing that a best friend is supposed to be happy for their friend’s relationships.
I know that distancing myself is an option but it’s nearly impossible to do. When I say we’re close, I mean the kind of close where she refers to my family as her own (though it should be said that she and I have never thought of each other as sisters..). She’s too closely tied into every aspect of my life for me to just walk away from our friendship.
I feel like this question is rambling quite a bit, but does anyone have any insights for me? Maybe an option I’m overlooking? Any advice would be appreciated.
Also I can give more details on the nature of our friendship if necessary.
Thanks so much!
Well, it’s really complicated. This is my first time to do this and I wish it helps.
I think that you should ask her frankly so you can know what to do, being her BFF or her lover. If she’s dating a guy.. Maybe she’s straight. Many girls always wonder if they’re gay but most of them just like wanna try girls and they’re straight.
Everybody can imagine whatsoever they want like she saw herself marrying you it dosen’t mean that she so in love with you.
Maybe it just like she tossed up? I’ve ever saw myself together with my bestfriend but it just some feeling not love. Maybee she’s just so nice to you and so close, so it makes you feel like you’re in love with her but anyway you say you’re hurt that she’s dating with a guy, maybe you’re really love her. I don’t know.
Just ask her what you wonder. I just wanna help and I hope it’s really help.
Good Luck
I agree with No Name that it kind of sounds like she’s straight. Since the two of you are so close, maybe you should just outright ask her if she’s actually interested in girls or not. If she insists that she is, I can see no reason why the two of you shouldn’t be together.
If it turns out that she’s straight, you’re going to have to accept it. I think you can still be her friend, but you might need to get away from her temporarily, to accept the idea of her being with a guy and to start looking at other girls yourself. I’ve been in a similar situation with a girl that turned out to be straight, and we’re still friends. It can work out.
Bottom line, I think, is that you need a straight (no pun intended) answer as to whether she’s seriously interested in you or women in general.
Hope this helps!
My heart seems broken again when I read your post, it happenning to me as well. Even there is many comment for you to this and that but I know you would feel it not easy at all.
I am in love with my friend who is now in love with a guy (wiht a wife and child. We were so close, we holding hands but now we haven’t been together since then. I love her but I can’t tell because she could possibly permanantly walk away from me. It’s hard for you I know. Good luck on everything you do. (Sorry for my English)