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Um, hello. I’ve been having confused feelings since… I don’t really know anymore, but I do know that I’m bisexual, with more preference for the same sex. I’m posting here, as I really have no one to talk to about this (well, there’s my ‘best’ friend, but she isn’t much of a help at all), so I’m hoping for some advices.
I’ll be sharing three stories. They may be long, but please bear with me.
I have a friend whom I treat as a sister. We’ve been close since second year of high school, and we had such a strong bond. Yes, ‘had’; when we were in third year, that bond kinda broke in a way because I stopped paying attention to her due to my jealousy — she was spending lots of time with the others while practically ignoring me. We eventually made up on her birthday, but things were never the same again. Then fourth year came. I started missing her and our sisterly bond. I was in a relationship with my ‘best’ friend during that time (turns out that I was never really in love with her), and yet all I could think about was my sister; she was the one I put first before my own girlfriend, which made le gf really jealous. She even accused me of being in love with le sister, yet I denied it. I just know I’m not — I really just see her as a sister and nothing more than that. Up to now, even though we’re in college in different universities, my feelings haven’t changed, and am now questioning myself whether I am in love with my sister or not. I’m pretty sure that she’s straight, but ex gf told me that she had seen le sister looking at me a lot during fourth year days (especially when I was with ex gf and one other girl that I’m close to, or so she says). I want to know what it means. Something inside me says that, maybe, she misses our bond as well but is just not saying it. Or perhaps she has special feelings me. Oh yeah, I asked her about that looking thing, by the way, and she said that she wasn’t. But somehow, I believe she’s being in denial. What do you guys think? About my feelings and hers? I would ask her how she sees me and stuff, but I’m just too shy.
Well, there’s this girl whom I thought I was in love with. She’s my blockmate and I felt a spark when I first laid eyes on her. It’s been three months now and we’ve become rather good friends, but lately, I haven’t been feeling the same thing that I did before. Is this simply an infatuation? Oh, I guess I should also say that I’m not certain if she’s straight or bi, and she too stares/looks at me quite a lot.
There’s this other girl in class. I noticed her on the first day because she’s very pretty, but I didn’t pay any attention to her because… well, I dunno. I thought I didn’t like her personality. Then recently, I started noticing her staring at me; I actually caught her once, and there was a time when I just saw it through the corner of my eye or something. This may sound weird, but I think I’ve developed a crush on her; for some reason, I like how she looks at me. Maybe it’s because she’s really just pretty, yet I’m not sure if that’s all. I know I don’t have a chance, as she already has a boyfriend and I’m pretty sure she’s straight; however, is it possible that those stares, well, mean something (positive)? I don’t think we’ve ever talked, so could it be that she wants to be friends? If she did, she could’ve sent a friend request on Facebook or something…
Is it wrong for me to feel like this? Yep, really confused here… Oh those girls and their looks. And my silly imagination. -.-
By the way, I’m seventeen… if that matters.