help needed…
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A year ago I had a really good friend, who i looked up to, we could talk for hours about anything. I loved her, I would have done anything for her, but i never told her this… Then she met someone… I was very glad for her, i praised her etc… But inside… It tore me up. Pretty soon our friendship seized into the blackness of the night and gone was the only friend i could tell absolutly EVERYTHING to. She was the first one i told that i was gay and ’till this day she remains the only one who knows… I wish that i could just talk to her again, ask her help, discuss random things…
I want to tell my parents so bad that I’m gay, but they will NEVER accept me. My mom freaks when I just mention the “L” word… And my stephfathers’ wife left him for another woman so he hates homosexuals… My father is the type of person who seeks perfection even though he is the perfect example of anything but perfection.
I live in a small town where gays are pushed aside…
I just want a girl to love so bad! I’m tired of pretending!! I’m tired of not being able to create a honest online profile, because I’m scared that someone who knows me might see it… I just want to have someone to love with all, someone who i can hold close to me, who i can spoil and do silly things with, but also someone who i can talk to about anything. I want to hold hands in public and not be ashamed… Will this ever happen for me?
I love my mother so much… We have come quite a long way togeher and it feels wrong to tell her this as i am the only child and she has done so much for me…
I’m currently 17… Wishing i was older… I can’t wait to have freedom one day…
But in the meantime I’m going crazy. This secret is eatinh me up from insinside, eating me up bit by bit… I crave saying those 5 letters to the world… What can i do?
PlanetSappho.com
It sounds like you could use more friends who know the real you. It’s no fun to be all alone with no one to talk to.
Hi, I feel exactly the same way. I had a friend who I used to tell everything to and she was the first person I told that I was a gay. I loved her but she is now in a relationship and I am basically out the picture and it hurts. Only 1 or 2 people know that I am gay and my mother especially doesn’t know. I am scared to tell her because I am unsure of how she will react and telling my father is basically a disaster waiting to happen because he won’t understand. I crave the same thing I just want someone to love, someone to hold hands with in public, someone to spoil with gifts, someone to hold close and most of all someone to talk to about anything.
Honestly, I don’t know what you should do as I am in the same situation and the secret is sending me crazy and eating me up inside to the extent where it is affecting my school work (I am 17 as well by the way). The reason why I am commenting is because you are not the only one who is going through this situation. I can only advise you to talk to someone you trust and who might understand and see if they could help you get through it. But you have to believe that one day you will meet that special someone an you will be happy as at the moment that is what is keeping going
Holy shit, reading your entry gives me a mega déjà vu because it feels like I’m reading my own journal. The words you used, the feelings in your heart, the pain, just whoa. Especially this particular part of ‘someone to love..blablableh’ and I’m just like WTF THOSE ARE EXACTLY THE WORDS I WROTE IN MY JOURNAL. Someone to hold hands with, someone to think about all day long, someone who makes you smile without even trying, someone whom you can be the real you with. Someone who likes you back the way you like her. Oh dear. This is interesting. Hahaha
And also, I wonder to myself all the time ‘will this ever happen to me? Will I ever get the chance to love and be loved?’ sigh.
Calm down. You’re still young, at 17, consider the fact that you have raging hormones. I’m not taking you lightly by saying that. I’ve been there, I was closeted throughout my teenage years and yes, i started to panic because I feared I was never gonna find anyone to love and love me back. Trust me, that fear is heightened ten times by the fact that I was a teenager and my hormones were telling me I gotta move fast. You’ll soon realize that this takes time and patience but you have to be proactive. When you’re a bit older your fears will alleviate, hopefully by then you’ve already found someone and your fears will have gone away.